lovelorn ; kokonoi hajime

- five -

y/n's pov

why did he stop?

i stood there frozen at the doorway, unable to comprehend what made kokonoi stopped. i was craving so much for his touch that i didn't even realized why.

i felt my tears prickling in my eyes though i tried so hard to suppress it, a lone tear fell down and i quickly wiped it away. my body's still naked but right now, i don't a single shit if he sees me like this. this body's for him in the first place.

the moment i gathered myself up and followed him in the living room, i heard a faint sobs coming from kokonoi. after a year of working for him as his secretary, never in my life i have seen him show such emotions like this. it's always like him pouring all his hardwork and intelligence to his company with confidence or just a cheeky boss who likes to play around with his secretary which happens to be me.

then it clicked me.

his being isn't really craving for me or even my presence. how could i be so stupid to forget about her?

there he was wailing and repeatedly chanting her name as if it's the way to take her back to the world we live in. his long white locks messier than before and his head hung low as both of his palms were covering his face.

"akane"

her name suddenly reminds me that today was her death anniversary and the reason why kokonoi had been drowning himself with who knows what liquors he's been consuming as if there's no tomorrow is because of her. how could i forget about him spending almost an hour and a half in the gravesite just to talk to her? the specific chrysanthemum he ordered me to get at rosie's? how red and puffy his eyes were when he stepped in back to the car where i was waiting for him to get back so we could go to the party? all were forgotten just because i got carried away with such a intimate moment with him.

kokonoi got himself lost in liquors so he could numb all the pain he's been enduring and eventually, using me as his past time to distract himself from the lingering thoughts of akane inside his mind.

there were a lot of pretty girls who's all over him at the party but why'd he chose me over them? why does it have to be me who has a deep attraction of love for him?

does that even matter, y/n?

his sobs lowered down and i couldn't help but feel bad for him. staring at kokonoi with this kind of state makes me want to numb all his pain away so he wouldn't have to suffer so much. it'll be not worth considering to do but i want myself to help him ease even just a tiny bit of what he's going through.

i couldn't think straight of what i'm about to do but i went over to where he is slouching. i stood in front of him — more like towering over him. he must've forgot i'm still here but who cares. my selfishness is taking over me and i just couldn't control myself.

my conscience's telling me to stop and just let him be in his misery but my mind's telling me not to and that i needed to ease his agony.

kokonoi uncovered his face and looked up at me. i didn't even care if tears were now rolling down my face. the look of his eyes were now full of his sorrow and it just hurts me so much.

i began to undress myself; removing the maroon dress that he tugged down earlier to devour my breast and my white thong that's already been soaked because of his doings. i flashed him everything that he needs to see from me even if he didn't ask for one.

i straddled on his lap and he didn't dare to move from his spot but his eyes remained staring back at mine. my hands finds its way on his shoulder and lacing them behind his neck.