Steeling My Heart - DreamNotFound

Chapter 10

I reach both of my hands up to cup his soft, cleanly shaven face, kissing him softly and slowly on the lips. I pull away after a few seconds and hug the blond tightly with reassurance. "Is that why you were so clingy the next week or so?" The next couple weeks after Schlatt broke into my apartment, Dream had always asked me if I was okay, came into my office regularly, seemingly just to talk, stayed at my apartment at night on my couch, and when he looked at me, it was with relief and sadness. When I had asked him why, he said he was just glad I was okay and worried I would be scared. I was scared, but I was with him almost all the time and I've always felt safe in his presence.

"Yes, but I was also afraid that me beating the shit out of him would give him more motivation to hurt you just to get to me. Of course, it would have worked, but he didn't really try anything else, which I still find rather odd." His eyebrows knit together in confusion and skepticism. "I also wanted to be there for you because I'm sure it scared you just as much as me."

His tears had slowed and were now nothing but sticky streaks down his face. I pulled away, returning to my previous position and he just smiled at me. "You're so cute." Splashes of crimson appear on my cheeks and I turn my face, breaking our eye contact, wearing a cheeky smile. The more he says things like this to me, the more inevitable the waiting fire is to swallow me in its inescapable flames. I have come to accept this fate and trust the unavoidable blaze that is my love for Dream.

"What?" Dream said with confusion and slight concern. I snapped out of the expression I wasn't aware was covering my face.

"What?" I echoed.

"You looked surprised or startled or something."

"Oh." Love. Do I love Dream? As a friend, I'm almost certain I do, but how do you know if you are in love with someone. I've thought of what it might feel like to be in love with someone, but I've never applied that to my relationship with Dream. Novels always describe it to be this unexplainable, unparalleled, all consuming, euphoric feeling, but when I read about it and let in the emotion, love seems to be hurting even while it's healing. Love for someone makes you dependant, gives you something life changing to lose. Maybe real life is different from the books. Maybe being in love with someone is only something you can experience the feeling of by doing it. Maybe love cannot be put into words.

"Oh?" Dream repeats.

"Sorry, I was just thinking, but I'm getting really tired." I say, ending my sentence with a yawn.

"Me too." The blonde scoots down so that he is no longer leaning on the head board and kisses the top of my head. "Goodnight, George. Be sure to dream about me."

"I think maybe I've had enough of you for the day." Obvious humor shining through my tone. "Goodnight, Clay."

"You should say my real name more often."

"Okay." I say, gently ending our conversation and the day.

~

"Yeah, it's done. Just meet us there in an hour or so?"  I slowly fade into consciousness and quickly realize Dream is on the phone. We are still tangled together and last night's events are quick to replace my thoughts of the dream I had just woken up from.

"Okay, cool." I rub my eyes and look up to see Dream lowering his phone from his ear while looking at me. "Goodmorning, prince. Did you sleep well?" Prince.

~

I hoist myself out of Dream's car when we arrive at the workshop. "Okay, I'll be back in about 45 minutes. Don't miss me too much." I shut the sleek, black door and turn to walk towards my own vehicle. Nick isn't supposed to be here until 1. Dream suggested he be here earlier, but he said he 'actually did shit last night.' He most likely just stayed up too late last night gaming or partying, though he isn't much of a drinker.

Pulling out of the same driveway we just arrived at, I head to my apartment to change and shower. The silence the smooth road provides in the absence of the radio makes my ears ring. I abruptly turn the dial, eliciting a sound only loud enough for a background noise to interrupt the previous vacancy of sound besides an imaginary high frequency.

(Song rec: that way by Tate McRae)

Run me in circles like you always do.

A familiar song makes its way out of my speakers so I reach over to turn up the volume.

Mess with me on purpose, so I'll hang on to you.

Memories of last year begin to put me on autopilot during the nearly 20 minute drive to my house. Flashes of me, Nick, and Dream going to parties, going out to eat, and hanging out in each other's dorms place happy images in my mind, leaving a smile on my face.

Nick has just switched his major to computer engineering, changing his entire schedule. We were all disappointed that things would change and we no longer had most of the same free hours, but we were glad Nick decided to do something similar. All of us were close, but not having him there when we were doing nothing in one of our dorms was different.

That's when things began to change between me and Dream. We got even closer and connected more on a personal level. I knew a lot about Dream before, but deep conversations became more frequent and I began to uncover the explanation behind his personality. Talking about our pasts, childhood, and adolescent years sparks emotion that needed confort. Occasionally we would find each other in a tight hug that seemed different from the ones I would share with my mum or Nick.

We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room.

This song reminds me of that time. I was so confused, but then I accepted our relationship for what it was; us.