“MUM! Mum are you home?”
No reply, I ran into my bedroom and grabbed a razor, tears poured down my face, I stood in front of the mirror, took of my clothes so that I was standing in my underwear and scrutinised my body.
No wonder I was called fat, I could see fat all over my body wherever I looked, I was starving but I had sworn to myself I wouldn’t eat again and for the best of 3 days i hadn't. But this fat wasn't shifting no matter how much i excersised or didnt eat it wasn't going away.
They called me ugly and I could see why, my eyes were to close together, my eyebrows not shaped right, my nose was too big and my ears stuck out a bit, my mouth was too big, my skin not tanned enough, my hair not the right colour of blonde, my legs were too fat and so was my tummy, I just didn’t look right. I didn't fit in with the others.
Kaitlin said if I walked through those school doors again, she’d kill me properly this time. I couldn’t take it anymore and my over-controling parents were splitting. Fantastic. Probably all my fault too. They wouldn't ever listen to what I said, so determined to make me the perfect daughter which I never would be and so wrapped up in their own jobs. They didn't see the depression I was in; never bothered to ask how my day at school had been.
I just hurt my best friend liam. He would probably never speak to me again and he was the only bit of light in my days anymore.
What was the point of living anymore? No one would miss me if I was gone, probably no one would even notice. Was it so much to ask for someone to care? Even just a little?
I hated myself, everything about me. Nothing would ever get better. Nothing would ever be right.
I took the razor and cut down deeply into my wrist. It hurt like hell, but it didn't matter anymore as long as it was over. This is something they can’t control, there’s nothing they can do about it. They can't ever stop me. I cut down deeper and harder, again and again, nasty gashes on my arm, on my legs, on my body, everywhere that I could reach. It wasn’t until I smelt the blood that I felt my stomach turn and I collapsed
