Make me beg

1. Stupid flashbacks (NSFW-ish)

Simon

Here's a guy who doesn't have a fucking clue what he's doing. It was a miracle no one could see it on me. Or no, not a miracle, I was just a hell of a professional looking guy. And I guess I was a professional too, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting in first class on a plane home from a business trip feeling sorry for myself.

All the meetings with clients had gone well, I had been praised by my bosses as usual and smilingly received those male back slaps that were apparently obligatory after closing a deal, so why was I sitting here feeling miserable? After all, I was their poster boy, their star pupil, 27 years old and already considered a partner in the firm. They absolutely loved it when I showed my dominant side and put my opponents on the spot. If they only knew.

I stared into my own green eyes that met me in the dark airplane window. It had been two weeks since I met them at Cupid's. When my stupid fucking mouth betrayed me, and I unsuspectingly told them that I certainly had a girlfriend, and she certainly didn't care if I had fun on the side. While that was true, I had never planned on telling anyone. After all, I had an airtight separation between the worlds and that was the way I always wanted it. It was easier that way. A polished world, where I was Simon with a girlfriend and a really overpaid job, and that other world. Where everything I enjoyed was. Where I was known as Simon, the guy who was a pro at knife play. Where I was myself.

It had been impossible to escape the shocked look Jamie got when he heard the word girlfriend. And my automatic reaction had been to want to take him by the arm and pull him down into my lap and explain to him, but Ash had beat me to it and then the opportunity had passed. It would also have been damned inappropriate to do it in front of the others. But I had wanted to explain. To Ash too, although I figured he probably understood more than Jamie did. Jamie was still so innocent. So sweetly innocent that it ought to be forbidden. And when they'd come back inside after a while, they'd been like they were in seventh heaven. They were so incredibly different from each other, but so strangely well suited to be together. The chemistry between them was like electricity. Addictive.

I jerked as the plane thudded down onto the runway. Shit, were we home already? Just the thought of coming home to the apartment made me uneasy, I had no desire whatsoever to see Evelyn right now and be forced to answer her usual questions about how the trip had been and if everything had gone well. She meant no harm, I knew that, but after eight years we'd run out of topics to talk about and had started repeating ourselves instead. I tried hard to send out signals to the universe that she was staying with friends, so that I could at least have the apartment to myself, but since it would be closer to eleven o'clock at night when I got home, that wish was probably completely impossible.

My seatmate and boss grabbed me by the arm and grinned.

"Shall we pretend the plane is delayed and have a beer at the airport?" he suggested, slurring his words a little. "The ladies don't need to know we're home yet, right Simon?"

He had sucked down at least four whiskeys while we were in the air, and it was embarrassing how predictable he became then. Every trip was the same, he'd party around and get hungover at meetings, and I had have to stand in for them instead, because I had the sense not to get wasted every night. I shook my head. I wanted to go home, but still, I didn't. I wanted to get away from the job I had been living in for a week. Desperately wanted out of my fucking disguise and to finally be able to breathe again.

"Evie's waiting for me," I lied, smiling apologetically.

"Oh well, just wait a few years and that infatuation will be over," my boss chuckled and got his carry-on off the shelf.

I don't have to wait. That happened a long time ago. But I didn't want to say that, it was easy to have Evelyn to blame and besides, my boss had nothing to do with it. Nobody had anything to do with it.