Literal Hell | Poetry

phantom skin

phantom skin
wraps around me,
closing me in.

it feels weird,
tight, itchy.
all I can do is scratch-

scratch,
scratch,
scratch,

until I bleed.
sticky crimson
drips down;

drip,
drip,
drip.

nothing changes.
the blood stops,
the scars heal.

the skin stays,
suffocating me.
it hurts-

it hurts so much,
it won't go away.
and I can't do anything.

nothing I do
can make it disappear,
will make the noises stop.

the noise only gets louder,
and louder-
until I'm dazed.

I'm dazed
and itchy
and everything hurts.

I can't breathe-
I can't see-
I can't think-

all I can do is hear;
hear all the wrong things,
because no one ever gets it right.

they only see the phantom skin,
they only see the surface.
they never see me.

they never see a boy;
a man-
only a weird girl.

they see a girl
and nothing else,
no matter how hard I try.

I might give up..
I want to give up...
let the phantom skin win.

let them win.
be what they see
because I'll never be authentic.

I'll never be real-
I'll always be stuck
In this phantom skin.