You Won't Drown: A Hunger Games story

Chapter Two

(Finnick POV)

"...This year's tributes will be reaped from the existing pool of victors!"

Forget the cameras on me, I have to get out, now. I'm going to be sick, I'm going to scream, I'm going to do something and I can't have other people seeing what I look like when I'm vulnerable and broken. It's my job to be Finnick O'Dair, charming and charismatic, biggest playboy and sex symbol of Panem, but I can't. Not right now, not when everything is falling apart.

I'd been given the promise that this wouldn't happen, that I would never have to go back there, never have to kill again, but apparently it was all a lie. It's my fault for being foolish enough to believe otherwise, after all, how I behave in public is crafted of lies too. While I might smile and joke and laugh, the truth is that every minute of it is torture. Every time I have to sweep a random girl off her feet and have empty, meaningless sex with her, it tears me up a bit more inside than I was before, and I don't know how long it'll be till I snap.

Maybe this is when I'll snap? Four months, that's how long I've been stuck in the Capitol this time around. I've done everything that President Snow asks of me, but he's still punishing me. I'm not a rebel, I'm not trying to disrupt the system; I've seen how it runs, and it would take a miracle to get past it and not die slowly and painfully in the process. No, I'm not going to try and burn down the Capitol and President Snow, no matter how much I want to.

All I really want is to be able to be with Annie in public, no secrets, no tricks, just the two of us, safe and in love and happy. If anything, I'd fight for her, and I might just have to. There's no way in hell that I'm letting her go back into another arena, I'd die to keep her away from that arena if I had to. There isn't a single thing I wouldn't do to keep her safe from this place.

"Finny...I know you're upset but I bet I could help get your mind off it. We have a little time till we have to get on the train so I can get a tour of district four. What do you say we use those few minutes to our advantage?"

"No fair! You told me I could have him on the way back when I let you have him on the way there! I paid, same as you, you can't just keep him all to yourself!"

"Fine. I'll take him before we leave, get one last time in with him and then he's all yours for the whole train ride back. Alright?"

"Fine."

It feels like their voices are coming from right here, but also at the same time coming from somewhere so far away. It's hard to have to remind myself that this isn't some horrid dream. These two girls are here, treating me like property; the announcement about the Third Quarter Quell was finally made, and I might have to go back into the arena, Annie might have to go into the arena.

My chest constricts at the thought, my heart leaping up into my throat. It's moments like these when I can understand why some victors turn to alcohol or morphling, anything to take the edge off the pain and the fear. I'm going to be sick, I can't help it.

All of a sudden, I wrench my arms away from the two girls I'm sitting with, everything and everyone around me suddenly too much. It's all too much, I just need to be alone, I just need to breathe.

"Finny, wait, where are you going? You can't just leave!"

"It's alright Finnick, I can comfort you better than she can anyway! Come on, just give me the chance!"

They both sound so desperate, so whiny, and that just makes me run in the opposite direction from them even faster. Neither of them are really familiar with desperation, after all, how could they be? Both of them live in the Capitol, and clearly have enough money for everything they could ever need or want. No, they don't understand desperation, my desperation. I'm desperate to get back to Annie, to find her and wrap my arms around her and protect her from President Snow and all his awful schemes. All I want is to be back in district four with her, that's it, but apparently that's just too much to ask.