W.S.S.H.

Done With Book Puns, Period.

My family was all sitting at the table already, even Harry was there.
“What was keeping you?” Mom asked as I sat down in my respected seat in the table.
“Oh, finishing up some homework, sorry.” I muttered.
“That’s fine dear, what was it?” she asked.
“Oh, English.” I muttered. “Quite boring actually.” I speared a piece of chicken on a fork and put it on my plate. Harry was halfheartedly eating some peas, but I knew she hated vegetables and they would go down the garbage disposal when my family wasn’t looking.
“Poor John, he’s got school.” She laughed.
“Oh I wouldn’t talk, your school starts soon too!” I pointed out.
“Ya but I get to leave this bloody town.” She pointed out.
“Harry be nice, this town is very nice.” Mom pointed out. My dad just ate his food silently; I knew he agreed with Harry on this one. Instead of beer he had a tall glass of milk, which was a good sign that he might be sober tonight.
“I like it here.” I admitted, cutting up the steak with my fork.
“Well you’ve got Greg.” Harry pointed out.
“You’ve got Clara.” I defended.
“She’s coming with me, remember?” Harry said. I had forgotten that they got accepted into the same college.
“Well still, you’ve got other friends right?” I pointed out.
“Yes of course, unlike you.” She agreed.
“Now kids, come on, let’s not fight. Harry, your brother has many friends, and John so does Harry, so I don’t want to hear it.” Mom demanded. And once she got involved we both knew it was time to drop the argument.
“How was your first day?” My dad asked, shocking me. Of course I couldn’t let them know I was surprised that he cared about my life, so I just shrugged.
“It was just like all the other first days.”
“Any good teachers?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know yet, we didn’t do much learning.” I shrugged.
“Well you’ve got Mrs. Fletcher right? Don’t get on her bad side.” Harry advised.
“Like you were, right?” I asked.
“Yep.” She agreed with a smile, as if it was something to be proud of. I really doubted it took much to get on that teacher’s bad side really. The rest of the meal was silent; no one really had exciting stories to share anymore. Of course I had the most interesting story in the world, but I told Sherlock I wouldn’t tell them, so of course I wouldn’t go back on my word. I sort of knew that if he wanted to he could hurt me, he could get the book in the bag and turn all those pages, I was sure that he could do worse things to me. When dinner was over I had to dry the dishes, but I did the task extremely quickly, doing everything I could to try to get back to the book. I wanted to find more out about him, even though I didn’t know how much I could trust him it’s not like he could tell anyone. He was a book, and as long as I kept that book closed he couldn’t spill my secrets. Once I put the last plate in the cabinet I was off, walking as casually as I could to my room and slipping inside, locking the door and retrieving the book from the drawer.
Are you still there? I wrote quickly, hoping he was.
Not many places I could go, how was dinner?
It was fine, I guess. Chicken was never my favorite.
I am a fan of beef if I have to be honest.
Same here. I admitted. Do you play any sports?
No, it’s actually quite pathetic if I try. I’m more of an academic person.
Well you’re obviously really good at math and stuff like that.
That’s elementary.
Well that’s what I’m doing now in school.
Well I was always much too smart for my own schooling.
That’s definitely something we don’t share. I’ve just barely made it from failing math two years in a row, and I think it’ll be a miracle if I actually pass Mrs. Fletcher’s class.
Never heard of such a name, who is she?
Think Devil, then add strict teacher and pounds of bloody homework. Then multiply that by whatever number you’d like, she’s still worse.
Yes, but who is she exactly?
Science teacher, Greg and I share that class.
Is Greg as fascinated with this book as you are?
Of course, but he thinks you’re dangerous.
Do you think I’m dangerous?
To be honest I don’t know yet, but at the moment you seem pretty cool.
I don’t know if that’s a complement or not, but I’ll say thank you and forget it.
Yes, I guess it is a compliment.
Then thank you. I didn’t know what to ask next, there were so many questions I had but I knew all of them would be ‘too difficult’ or ‘for another time’, but I didn’t want to stop talking to him. I knew I probably shouldn’t trust him, I didn’t know anything about this guy, or even if he was a guy, he could be a girl or even some alien thing for all I knew. I hoped Sherlock, whoever he was, was having the same problem as I was. My phone buzzed in my pocket, making me jump out of my chair in shock. I took it out and looked at the screen, text from Greg. I sighed, opening the message with a click and reading it. He was asking about the book, whether or not I had gotten anything new about it. I quickly picked up my pencil, not sure what to say to Greg either.
Greg just texted, he’s asking if I got anything new on the book, what do I say? There was a slight pause as Sherlock must be thinking or something.
Tell him that nothing happened, just say all I’m capable is answering questions.
Okay, hold on. I typed to Greg that nothing was new and sent it, watching the blue bubble fill up the far as it sent. He didn’t reply, so either he put his phone down or was still mad at me for something. Either way I didn’t really care, if he was mad then that was his problem, I had a new friend to talk to anyway.
Did he reply?
No, I think he’s mad.
Why would he be mad?
I already said, he thinks you’re dangerous.
That’s rubbish.
Ya, I think so too.
So how did you get your hands on this book in the first place?
Well Greg and I went wandering down to the caves and he accidently fell onto a rock, revealing a passageway that led down to this weird office place. We looked around and found this book in the drawer, but then something scared us away and I guess it was clutched in my hand.
What scared you off? I paused, not wanting to look like too much of a sissy in front of him, even though I didn’t know him I didn’t want to look like too much of a sissy.
Oh, there was a big snake and we didn’t want to cross paths with it. We got out okay though.
Those caves are dangerous, why did you go down there in the first place? Surely you’ve heard the rumors.
Greg’s idea. Do you know anything about the psychopath guy?
Not much.
Have you heard the rumors?
Of course, I don’t think there’s a soul out there that hasn’t. It’s quite a shame and a tragedy. Okay, good, that meant he was local, only people from around here have heard the story. And also that meant he was human, because I don’t think aliens have feelings about human occurrences. Good, that’s all good news.
Well I wasn’t all that into it, I’m not one of those looking for danger types, but I was persuaded I guess.
What persuaded you?
Gold, thrill to end the summer, maybe even some fame.
Why do you want money and fame?
Why wouldn’t you? I could buy everything I wanted, all the girls will love me, don’t really know what’s better than that.
What would you buy?
My own professional basketball team. Then I could be rich, famous, and meet LeBron James.
I’m sorry, who?
He’s a famous basketball player, never mind, I guess you’re not really that sports savvy.
No, I’m not. I’m assuming someone like you has a girlfriend then? Sports star and all that?
That’s funny; no I don’t have a girlfriend.
Well I guess that’s perfectly fine too, alone better suits me as well.
I’m not saying I don’t want one, but it’s complicated I guess.
How so?
Have you ever tried to get a girl to notice you? Bloody annoying, they just turn their backs; the best I’ve ever gotten was a smile once.
Still better than nothing, how about Greg?
Also a single Pringle.
I’m sorry, what?
Ignore that.
You’re very amusing Mr. Watson.
Thank you I guess.
It’s a complement.
I could tell that myself. I guess you’re amusing in your own humorless, clueless way.
Well okay then.
“JOHN GET OUT HERE!” I heard my dad yell through the house. I sighed; he was obviously now drinking something other than milk.
Need to go, be back soon. I scribbled, getting out of my chair and walking down the hall. It was so weird, like I had this great conversation when in reality I hadn’t spoken a word. I guess there were some advantages to having an instant pen pal, you never get caught for talking in class, don’t wake up your family when you want to talk. I walked out into the living room where my dad was in his recliner again, a pile of empty bottles now piling up. Football was on but he wasn’t watching, he was just glaring at me.
“Get me some bottles.” Dad growled, and I knew better than to argue. I nodded, even though I knew it was the worst thing for him. You could never argue with a man when he’s drunk, especially my dad. There were consequences, and sometimes they were painful. I grabbed three bottles, juggling them the best I could and setting them on the coffee table. Dad drained the one he was holding and held out his hand for a new one, which I cautiously handed him. He was now perfectly capable of opening the tabs with his fingers, which had to hurt but he didn’t seem to mind. Some days he had the grooves indented in his fingers, which was an obvious sign that he had been drinking.
“Is that all?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, am I keep you from something?” he demanded, glaring up at me. I wondered where Mom and Harry were, but shook my head.
“No of course not, I was just wondering if there was anything else I could get you.” I said quickly, trying to avoid some screaming and possible hitting. He took a while to process my answer, trying to detect any sarcasm but nodded in the end.
“No, nothing.” He decided, turning his attention back to the game. I didn’t say anything more, I knew he could twist and warp it into something that I certainly didn’t want to say, but just escaped to my room once again, locking my door just in case. I sighed, walking back to the desk where the book was still open to the now blank page. I sat in the chair and picked up the pencil, relived that I was able to write after an encounter with my father.
Sorry, about that, dad wanted me.
It’s quite alright, I’d advise you to aid family before you talked to some invisible man you’ve never seen before. Clarification that he was indeed a man. But he really didn’t have a life if he could answer that much so quickly.
Well if it was Harry I’d ignore it, but it was my dad.
Is he a nice man?
When he’s sober sometimes.
Is he a drinker?
Unfortunately.
Never go down that path, I suppose you know where it leads.
I’d never consider it. It’s awful for your health and everyone around you.
Don’t think it’s your fault, I know how sometimes people feel like they’re the reason their relative, whoever that may be, goes for the alcohol, but I assure you it’s not you.
I know it’s not me, I never thought that, but my guess is it’s Harry, she’s a bit of a handful.
Well that’s a shame. How about your mother?
She’s my favorite of the family, but even she has a temper sometimes.
As do all mothers, nothing to be worried about.
I’m not worried.
You won’t admit it since you just met me, but I know that deep inside everyone is worried about something. I didn’t know if he was right or if he was just annoying, I wasn’t worried about my mother so much as my father and even Harry. I was afraid Harry would follow his path down the road to alcohol, I’m almost sure she actually does sneak a couple of beers out of the fridge on some low days.
Do you have any homework tonight?
Not tonight, but it’ll come, I’m sure of that.
What are the classes you’re taking?
I’ve got math first, then history, then science, then English.
Do you enjoy school?
I feel like this is Twenty Questions or something, but no, not really. I think it’s a bit of a waste of time to be honest.
Sometimes it helps, but I think it’s quite sad how they take something as fascinating as learning and warp it with jerks no one likes and sitting in an uncomfortable chair and gross food, in the end it feels like Hell.
I couldn’t have put it better myself.
I myself had a rough time at school, bullies found me particularly interesting since I was so smart.
I’m sorry to hear that.
Oh it’s nothing you should worry about, in the end I gave them what they deserved.
And that was?
Justice of course.
Well, if I have any problems with kids I’ll ask you what to do about it.
Sounds good, I’ll be happy to help.
So, looking at the time, I’m afraid I have to click off, got to sleep soon or mom will come in to see why the light is on. I decided, looking at the time. It was nine o’clock, so I knew my mom would be prowling and making us turn out our lights. I closed the book, not sure what to do with it now that I understood it’s true value. In the end I changed into my pajamas and grabbed the book, stuffing it under my pillow where I knew no one would want to look, unless the tooth fairy got a mix-up. I shut off the light quickly, lying awake in bed and trying to comprehend what in the world had actually just happened. I had a book, a magic book, one that talked back to me from some man names Sherlock Holmes. I didn’t know if he was good or bad, I wasn’t even completely sure he was human, but for the most part he seemed like a pretty cool person. I wanted to know where he was and how we were talking. If he lived here and was actually communicating to me then there might be another book, identical to this one, on some other guy’s desk. Wonder if he thought I was amazing too, just like I thought he was. He claimed he was my age, but talked like a mature adult from the eighteen hundreds, which I thought was a little bit odd. But I guess he was one for manners, he did come across as a very polite gentleman. Funny, I was almost the opposite. I sighed, wishing I could tell Greg of these occurrences but knowing I couldn’t. I had promised to Sherlock, whoever he was, that he’d keep him a secret, and even though I may be a confused loser I would not go back on my word.