I've Never Been So Cold

Reunited

Jack looked through the window of the hospital room that Nikki was in. She was asleep. His heart ached as he looked at her. She was the love of his life. He knew he could never love anyone has much as he loved her. He literally would do anything for her, which is why he knew he had to go, to leave her in peace so she would be safe. If he wasn't around she could find someone else, and he was certain she wouldn't have any shortage of men queuing up for her. The thought hurt so much, but he had to go.

He pushed open the door and entered the room quietly. He sat on the edge of her bed and took her hand in his, tenderly rubbing his fingers over her knuckles. 'God I love you so much Nikki' he whispered, so quietly that he knew she wouldn't hear him. But he forgot how tuned into each other they were, and her eyes fluttered open and locked with his. 

'Jack' she said in barely a whisper, her throat still sore from all the screaming and shouting.

Her fingers tightened around his hand as they gazed at each other. 'How are you feeling' he asked softly.

'Just tired' she smiled 'And really ready to go home. Have you come to take me home'

Jack's eyes dropped as his heart sank. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He couldn't do this. He couldn't bear the thought of not seeing those brown eyes ever again, of hearing her laughter, of feeling her hand on his arm. How was it possible to love someone so much. He was physically aching for her, but he had to do what he knew was best for the both of them, as much as it hurt.

 'I..I don't think I can Nikki' He had come here to tell her that he was going, leaving her in peace to be happy without him. He couldn't take her home, couldn't be that close to her knowing that it would be the last time he would ever see her, hold her, breathe in her scent. 

'Why' she asked. 'I'm sure they said I can go home, there isn't anything really wrong with me' A look of realisation passed over her face. 'Is it because they haven't caught him. Is he still out there' she started to panic, becoming agitated.

'Sshh' Jack said, lifting his hand to stroke the side of her face. 'They've caught him, it's ok. He's bloody lucky they caught him before I did. I would have killed him' He thought back to the DI telling him that they had arrested a student who had confessed to everything. Jack had felt sick with anger. How could someone do that to Nikki. Beautiful, sweet, precious Nikki.

She could see the pain and anger crossing Jack's face and she squeezed his hand tighter. 'Please take me home Jack'

'Nikki. I need to say something to you...I need...'

'Stop Jack' she said quickly. 'I promised myself that if I ever got out of that room that I would tell you how I really feel. How I've felt for longer than I can remember.' She met his eyes again, looking deep into his soul. 'I love you Jack Hodgson. I love you with all my heart. I can't remember a time that I didn't love you. I can't imagine my life without you, and I want to spend every possible minute with you for the rest of my life. I love you so much' A tear fell from her eye and Jack softly wiped it away from her cheek without thinking. 'I know you don't care, that you don't feel the same, but I needed to say it, I promised myself I would'

'No, Nikki, no. Of course I care, you couldn't be more wrong.' He let out a small laugh as his eyes broke contact with hers. 'I don't know where to start' 

There was so much he wanted to say, needed to tell her, but her declaration of love had put his mind into a complete whirlwind. She loved him. Nikki Alexander loved him. It would be so easy for him to accept this, to take her into his arms and never let her go, but she wasn't safe with him. Things like this would keep happening as long as he was with her. 

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He could feel her fingers still clasped in his, squeezing him tenderly. He lifted his eyes, searching out hers again. 'I heard that voice, on the answerphone message. You were with someone else and I wanted to hurt you as much as you'd hurt me. I'm so sorry Nikki, that was so selfish of me. You're not safe while I'm around Nikki. Mexico, yesterday, they were both because of me. It's better for you if I go, back to Ireland. You can start again, meet someone, settle down, be happy and safe'

A tear fell from his eye as his heart broke. He pulled his fingers away from hers and stood up from the bed. 'Bye Nikki' he said softly. 'Please always remember that I love you, and I always will'

Nikki pushed herself up 'No Jack, no' she pleaded. 'Please don't go' She reached out grabbing his arm as the sobs overtook her body. The tears streamed down her face as she pulled him back towards her. 'I'm not letting you do this Jack' she cried. 'Marry me, please'

Jack stopped. His eyes meeting hers again. He was stunned, rooted to the spot. He couldn't move or breathe, everything had stopped. Time stood still.

'I mean it Jack' she said, softly. 'I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. Forever. I never thought it was possible to love someone as much as I love you Jack. Please marry me'

Jack let out a breath that he didn't even know he'd been holding, as everything slowly came back into focus. 'Marry me' the words went round and round in his head. He could feel her hand on his arm where she'd pulled him back to her, and he raised his own hand to put it on top of hers, squeezing it gently.

He brought his eyes up to look at her, taking her all in. Her soft blonde curls, messed up and dirty from her ordeal. Her deep brown eyes, red and tear stained, but still the only eyes he could ever get lost in. Her lips. The lips that he had tasted for the first time a few days ago, and that were burned into his mind. Every part of her was perfect, and she wanted to be his wife, to be with him for the rest of time.

Jack slowly sat down on the bed next to her, still keeping his contact with her hand. He brought his other hand up to cup her face, and gently stroke her cheek. She leaned in to his touch, their eyes locked on to each other. There wasn't anyone else in the world right now, just the two of them.

'Nikki' he breathed, swallowing thickly. He took both her hands in his, gently playing with her fingers as he tried to understand what was happening. Marry her? Of course he would marry her, in a heartbeat. But he had come here to tell her he was going, she wasn't safe when he was around. 

He felt Nikki unclasp her hands from his and he felt them on his face, her thumbs gently stroking his cheeks.

'Jack' she whispered. 'My darling Jack. You don't have to give me an answer now, but please know that I mean every word. I love you with everything I have. You are the only thing that I want in this world. I love you so much'

Her face inched closer to his, her eyes dropping to his lips. He could feel her breath across his lips and his entire body broke out in goosebumps. Their lips met, softly at first. Then Nikki's arm snaked around the back of his neck, pulling him into her, making the kisses deeper. His arms wrapped around her, lost in her scent, the feel of her, the thought of her. His future wife.