Unheard of.

Exposed Flesh

        "Stop!Please, stop. We're not supposed to be doing this." I pleaded. He just covered my mouth with his hand. He slapped me. Hard. Tears rolled down my cheek. He looked at me with so much lust. Why? Lord, why?Why would you let this happen to me? I pushed him away and he forcely pulled me in. He kissed my lips. I spit on his mouth. He then pulled out what seemed to be the root of all his evil. He ripped my panties off and pushed himself inside of me. I felt his bare skin inside of me. Hard and unrefined. I kept slapping him. "Get off of me!Please get out of me." I murmurmed under the will of his hand. Tears that once rolled now flowed down my face like a elegant river. In and out. In and Out. In and Out. He didn't care. He didn't stop. Then, there was blood. But he didn't care, he just keep going until he came. He pushed me off of him and there I lay in my bed. I was to sore to move and to scared to even say anything. I just lay there in the bed crying. How could he do this to me? She is supposed to love me. This ain't love.        

        The door slightly opened and she came in. "Hey baby." She rubbed my forehead with tears rolling down her eyes. How could she let him do this to me? I pushed her. I hit her and I lay there in my bed."You just gotta understand baby..We needed the money."she said trying to convince me. I screamed, " NO YOU NEEDED.. the money." She kept apologizing to me. Over and over senseless sorries and unapologetic apologies. This was going to keep happening and I knew it. It happened seven times already. I couldn't forgive her. Not this time. I couldn't lie and say 'it's OK' because it wasn't.I wish I could run away, but I have  no where to go. (And I know what you're thinking..Dylan's. No,because he doesn't even know)  How could I tell him? I can't.

Once I finally got the strength to get up, I went to take a shower. I'd wash his sins away. I'd rinse the pain away. I'd scrub off his scent. The sound of the water would replace my silenced cries. And as the water  wrapped around my skin, I'd feel secure again. Even in the shower, I cried. It's only one thing worst than feeling alone and that's being alone. Alone to suffer with no one to cry to but the walls and floors. I stepped out of the bathroom and went to back my room. I didn't even want to sleep on the bed because my dreams would be corrupted with my memories, so I lay on the floor with a small blanket. I looked into the mirror that stood in my wall.  All I could see was the ugliness that was left on my face and body. I punched the mirror. Glass went into my hand. I would've screamed but the pain felt good. I let out and mild calm noise. I sat still observing the glass that was ingraved deep into my hand. I observed as the blood  oozed out my hand. It hurt bad enough to go ahead and pull it out of my hand but it felt good enough for it to stay. Nevertheless, I pulled it out, slowly. I wanted to feel the sharpness of the glass cut away my skin. It felt absolutely invigorating. As nasty as it seemed, I grew a deep interest for pain. My urge to feel became what I'd soon live for. And you know what they say, "You'd die for what you live for." 

        It was the middle of Winter, sometime in December before the holiday break when I met and became close to this girl name Morgan Fisherman. We became very great friends. She was super popular. I couldn't even see why she wanted to be my friend because I was barely known. She was a great friend though. She was a senior and was extremely pretty. We would hang out during lunch and after school whenever I had play practice and she had Cheerleading practice. I loved being around her. She gave me so much hope that I wil be pretty someday. It was after school that I came to her practice to surprise her and I had seen her kissing Dylan. My heart dropped. It seemed as though the breath that I once had was no longer there. I took a big gasp and she turned and she seen me. Out of shame for what she had done, she began apologizing. He  came to be with his sorries, but I just ran away. I didn't even turn around. I just left. As I ran, tears came down my face onto my lips. I was able to taste my hurt. The cut on my hand began throbbing. And I felt the urge. 

        Upon entering the house, I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. The bottom part was all black and the blade was this beautiful silver. I slowly raised it and looked at my arm and right where my vein intersected on my wrist, I began to penetrate my skin.  Back and forth, I slowly cut until the pain came and the blood followed. I took the knife and went into my room. I looked into what was left of the mirror and laughed while tears rolled down my eyes. 

         I didn't want to sleep in the bed.  I didn't even want to sleep, so I just layed on the floor with the knife beside me. Although I was alone, I didn't feel like it anymore. Then out of no where I heard a knock on my window. This time I wasn't dreaming it either. I slowly went to the window and pulled the curtains back and there Dylan was. " Please Delilah, I'm sorry.. Let me in. Please.We need to talk." he begged. I hung my head and held my wrist. I replied, "Wait," I Left to go put on a hoodie so that he wouldn't noticed the cuts. I came back and I lifted up the window and let him in. He immediately kissed me. "No, " I said. I don't want you to even touch me. You came here to talk. Talk to me or leave." He sighed and began to say "Look what you saw..she kissed me." I interrupted,"But you kissed her back." and he explained, " It didn't even mean anything Lilah. It was my fault that I allowed her to kiss me but.. it didn't mean anything.." I started to shake my head. Tears rolled down my cheek. He wiped my face and hugged me and whispered in my ear and said, " I love you." Butterflies filled my stomach and my knees got weak. He held me. Then he looked me in my eyes and he kissed me. I pushed him off of me. I didn't want to be touched but he touched me anyways.  He caressed my body. He kissed all over me. He kissed my neck then went lower kissing my breast and sucking on my nipples and kissed my stomach until he got to my vagina. I was to scared to let him and so I stopped him. " Look it's something I have to tell you." I had tot let him no that I was not a virgin anymore. That all this time I had been getting raped and that down there was nothing but a horrible mess. I was damaged badly. But I couldn't. He slowly pushed me down and softly said, " It's something I have to show you." and then he began licking my vagina and sucking my clit.He then came up and said," ..that I love you." My body was so weak. My legs shaking and my heart pounding. I couldn't hardly even breathe. I stopped him. I just couldn't let him taste those sins. I told him," You need to leave. You need to go." Then he said, " Tell me one reason why I should?" and I replied, " Because I don't love you." and he said nothing. He stood there looking at me. I couldn't bare his stare so I walked over and lifted up the window and said," Please go." He left without a word being said. I shut the window and fell to the floor and started crying. I did love him. I did care. I did want him. I balled up on the floor beside the knife and softly cried until I fell asleep.

        It was dark. Very dark. I couldn't see anything but I felt the coldness of the room.  I opened my eyes and I saw him. The man in black. He stood over me, cutting my outsides to get in. He kissed my forehead and said 'Goodbye' and ripped my heart out of my chest. I couldn't scream. I couldn't even speak. I just saw him pulling out my organs, preserving their youthfulness. Then he shut my eyes and that is when I woke up. My forehead covered with sweat. I was scared. My heart was racing. My hands couldn't be still. They jittered and moved. I was so scared that I picked up my knife.I rubbed my wrist and then I began to cut myself. The pain consoled my fears. No longer scared, I layed back down on the floor and sat in silenced until my eyes closed once more and again.