#We Want To Do The Talking

Homeless?

People describe coming home after a hard day to be one of the most pleasurable and satisfactory feeling in the world. It is supposed to be a sense of homecoming. The time spent within the four walls of your home is much more than the mere passing of hours. The memories made within those walls form foundations of who you become as a person. SImilar smells, sounds and tastes will send you right back into the safety that existed in the place you called home. Your home is a symbol of safety, comfort and the love people within those walls shared. The problem for me is that I have no place to call home.

If it's a question of family, I have had one too many and none loved me enough. Abuse and ostracisation fill my memory, and safety was non-existent. My parents died when I was 4, and sadly I don't remember enough about them to grieve. I think that they might have been the only people that genuinely loved me. When they died, the system immediately took me in. The name 'The System' is incredibly frightening on its own. Children of all ages were in a 'database' of sorts, where people who wanted to complete their family came to pick-and-choose, children that they wanted to take responsibility for. He didn't know what it meant, but at one point, he heard an older girl, saying it was like they were all fruits, only the nicely-shaped, and well-coloured ones were chosen, those that were bruised or miss shapen, are never chosen. I was fortunate, being only 4. The caregiver at the foundation was called Mrs Knight. She was exceptionally overweight, but that meant that if you asked nice enough, there was always a candy bar to be shared. "Lucas Garcia. I have some good news for you. Congratulations, honey, You've been gifted a family. I never liked that slogan, and my hatred for it would only grow worse the more times I heard it.

The first couple that ever took me in, were a young couple. I remember them as Bill and Amanda. At first, they appeared to be exceedingly lovely. The day I moved in, I thought I was going to be happy for a long time to come. The house was simple but grand in its own way, there was newer furniture, and more contemporary pieces of art were strung up on the walls. The nursery was even more beautiful. It was full of bright colours and animals plastered all over the wall. As I entered the room, I was in awe. Bill and Amanda were exceedingly pleased by this. I was happy, I thought that this might become my new home. But that only meant that it hurt a lot more when they didn't want me anymore. I only found this out a lot later, but it turns out that Bill and Amanda had been trying for a child for a very long time, and when they found it difficult, they eventually turned to adoption to fill their need for a child in their lives, and he had a certain diversity factor to him as well. But when Amanda became pregnant, through some miracle, their combined paychecks could no longer support two children, and they chose their own over one that they chose through a programme. And just like that, he was back in the system.

At that moment, it felt as though I had lost his parents all over again, the same feelings of hurt overflowed again, he has spent over 2 years with Bill and Amanda, and for them to simply 'discard' him to make room for another child. I couldn't say that they weren't nurturing, but what hurt was the lack of value that they had for me. I was then 6 years old, so I was put up in a new camp for children from 6-10. It was there that I really felt miserable. For my age, I have been a late bloomer, which meant that when I was in the care centre, I was scrawny and weak. This made me a target for bullies. I was afraid of opening my mouth to the caregivers, as since I couldn't go anywhere I feared that I may make life more miserable for myself. Because of this, I rarely ate, my sleep was disrupted and I ended up falling behind in class. I could see myself falling down a spiral. But it seemed that luck was on my side, it had turned out that someone else had found me very interesting. She was a single mother, and had a very good reputation within the cam, as she had personally adopted over 7 children before me, and those children would excel. I went home with her, only 2 days after she made a request, it turned out that being in the centre's favour was very rewarding.