Initium Novum || Dramione

Chapter Eight

TW: Panic attack, mentions of self harm

As November began to truly set in, Hermione would indulge in walks along the tree line of the forbidden forest. She enjoyed the crunch of leaves under her feet and the peacefulness. More often than not, Draco would find himself accompanying her on these walks as another futile ploy to work up the courage to ask her out. Hermione didn't know what she was waiting for but she couldn't bring herself to ask the simple question. So the pair would walk in complete silence.

Hermione had also taken to having quiet picnics with Neville and sometimes Ginny or Luna. Every week they would place a checkered blanket out under a large oak and eat. Then they would talk or watch the clouds or read or draw. She and Neville had become extremely close in a short period of time. And the rumours started.

Now Draco believed he was a reasonable man. So he understood that Granger would have moved on from him seeing as he had not really said anything to her recently. Of course she would have had to have been interested in him first for her to have moved on but he was fairly confident she was interested in him or had been. Anyways, when he heard Hilda Jennings, the school's biggest gossip in his opinion, talking about how Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom had been seen snogging in an abandoned classroom he had been confused. And then he had made the stupid decision to follow Hermione on the weekends to see. He wasn't stalking her at all, he was just being a caring friend.

That was how Draco found himself covered in mud on a lovely Saturday morning while Hermione laughed loudly at his predicament. He grumbled thinking about how his trousers were ruined forever. Then he felt smug as Hermione and Neville were not together and that meant he and Hermione still had a chance. And then he felt worried because he was a coward and didn't know if he would ever have the courage to ask The Hermione Granger out.

Hermione, still laughing, had held out her hand and helped him up. She had said goodbye to Neville and they had walked up to the castle. She kept letting out stifled giggles which made him flush in embarrassment. When they reached the safety of their dorm, Hermione had kissed him and then stood waiting expectantly. And that was when Draco realised his was the most idiotic motherfucker in the entire world.

As Hermione stared at him he was processing. Her lips had been on his and all coherent thought was gone. He didn't think he would be able to formulate a sentence every again but nevertheless he tried. He had meant to say 'wow' and 'So you want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend?' but instead his grand proposal came out slightly flat.

"You kissed me. So you want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend, as friends of course."

The last bit had slipped out in a moment of panic where he feared rejection. Hermione's hopeful expression faded and she tried to smile but she looked as if she would cry. Draco felt his gut twist painfully as he watched Granger disappear out of the portrait hole. He cursed himself to the moon and back. He'd have to find a way to fix this.

It had been a month. A month of hanging out with Pansy, Blaise, Theodore and Hermione because of course she was always there. A month of Pansy giving him disapproving looks. A month of Theodore and Blaise barely speaking to him. 

As for Hermione, she barely ate and had become withdrawn from seemingly everyone except Neville. Hermione didn't know what to do with herself. She had been better, she had found someone to talk to and now he was gone. Hermione also knew she couldn't let herself go back to how she was over a boy. She, Hermione Granger, would not be going to pieces over a boy no matter how much he meant to her.

And as Draco watched her slip from his grasp his self loathing grew. He would keep his distance until she approached him or until he realised he needed to kick himself and ask her out.

It was an ordinary Monday. Breakfast with the eighth years, he and Hermione had not had any meals together in their dorm since the incident, obviously. Then an owl dropped a letter in front of her. A she opened it and read the contents, she paled visibly.  And he noticed as she reached for her water, her hand was shaking slightly. She stood up and left the hall and without thinking about it he had dropped his toast and was going after her.

He tried not to run after her. He got to the dorm and went to her room but she wasn't there. He checked the living room and kitchen then realised she must be in the bathroom. He unlocked the bathroom door with a quick alohomora then burst in. He was altogether too familiar with the urge that came with suffering and pain. She was sitting on the floor of the bathroom in tears. A small blade held in her hand and an empty potion bottle rolling on the floor. Fear filled his stomach. 

She didn't seem to be aware he was there. She was rocking and muttering to herself. 'Go away, Go away, Go away. Not again." She closed her eyes and screamed. First he gently took the blade from her hand. He would have to find out what potion she took soon just in case it was harmful. Draco put his arms around her ignoring as she flinched then began thrashing. He carried her to her bedroom and laid her on her bed. She immediately shuffled back against the headboard and pulled out her wand. He slowly backed away and stood against the door.

"Hermione! Hermione, it's me, it's just me!" 

His voice broke and he let out a sob.

"Hermione! Hermione! It's me, Draco. You're safe."

Her eyes seemed to come into focus. This was urgent.

"Hermione, what potion did you take?"

"Draco, Draco I-"

"Potion Hermione, which potion."

"Pain relief potion."

Draco exhaled in relief.

"They're going to come back for me."

"Who, Hermione?"

He moved closer.

"The Carrows."