Sometimes I don't really know what's happenning I just zone out. It sometimes feels like I'm floating through an abyss of time that makes it pass quicker. Sometimes I feel like I can't remember anything and I end up sitting there like did that happen or was I dreaming? And I get so scared sometimes thinking is this what it's going to be like for the rest of my life? Will i live my whole life like this fading in and out wandering between real life and the abyss. sometimes days at a time can pass me by and I'll have to stop and think about all that has happened. It's honestly really scary and I catch myself thinking is this how adults live?
Its so scary that I wonder what really is the point of life? Why does it matter what you do who you become and reason you do things? Why? Is it so you can die and just be the filler of another hole your kind has put in the earth? Is it so that when you die when you die you can have the same average sized coffin, hole, lump of dirt thrown at you? Or is it so you can cry yourself to sleep at night with the what ifs hanging around the room unspokenly? And to be honest i just feel like giving up sometimes and telling everybody to go fuck themselves with a cactus and stop being so annoying.
I just... don't understand life. Not quite yet anyway.
