Ok so kia ora whanau, I'm back and hoping to be a lot more active this year as I went through some shit last time and I need to work through it. So this is a part of what happened but yeah no names.
When one of your bestfriends ditch you for their girlfriend it really hurts, like alot. I met this guy at the start of the year which just so happened that he was my main's cousin and coming to our school so I was like yeah whatever like I don't know you wtf are you doing get away from me. But then there was this shit talking girl who really, really liked him and tbh I don't mess with her anymore so I didn't really give a F. But ya know I'm the type that no longer messes with gossip I'll just come and ask you straight up like I give no F's anymore. So I asked him and I was like lol do you go out with this girl? And he was like wtf no. And so from that day on we kept growing out our friendship to the point where he would get me to call him and when his girlfriend (cause they eventually got together like 6 months later) called he'd literally talk to her for 5 minutes then tell her he's got to go do something and ring me back. Like yeah I suppose your girlfriend comes over any female that isn't whanau but seriously it's like I was. Just because he lived with the cousin (my mains) that I previoslt mentioned and I met them way back in like year 9 or something (we're year 12 now). And so yeah he would even like call me and he would put me on speaker so he could still play his game. And I could tell that after I said something if he didn't reply he would be concentrating really hard and afterwards be like omg sorry bestfriend what? There were even times where we would sing a waiata to eachother and crack up about it afterwards. He opened my eyes to many things and I thank him for it. He showed me how insecure boys really are and how it hurts them the same way it hurts us when others joke about us but how they're meant to just brush it off cause they got a penis.
There's never a day that goes by without him crossing my thoughts. I don't miss him, I just miss how happy I was when he was in my life. I could go to him with anything at all. The only boy I trusted to tell important stuff to apart from my dad. I mean yeah I may not miss him but it would be easier to carry on if it didn't hurt so much. I had so much love and respect for my brother and it was so painful to watch him walk out of my life without a second glance.
I find it so funny how his girlfriend was feeling threatened enough by me to have to block me off everything. Facebook, Insta, Skype. Every social media I had. It was always good though because she would block a bunch of people and out of all of them I was the only one getting unblocked. The first week after he left it felt like my heart had been ripped out. I was totally numb. None of my friends made me laugh or smile. My family either. I was on autopilot. I ate but it tasted like cardboard. I slept but it felt like I hadn't for a whole month. I went to class but I just couldn't zone in. I heard nothing except for my blood pounding in my ears. One night I stayed up till 2 on a school night with rivers of tears stained my cheeks.
He didn't care though he never did. He was only ever looking after himself and his "baby" and he never gave a fuck. I lived without him before I met him and I'll live now after him.
He made one of the worst decisions letting me go because I was one of the only ones that truly gave a fuck about him. The only one riding through thick and thin. He'll never have anybody else that had his back like me because even his girl shit talks behind his back. Her waha is too big to keep closed and news spreads fast in this little town. Goodluck finding a better rider than me boy. You'll be searching for a while. And although you chose her over me, it doesn't phase me because queens don't compete with hoes. Have a good life.
😘
