DEAR YOU [Part 1]

Chapter 7

‼️TW: SELF HARM‼️

CORALINE

I lit up all the candles one by one, placed the knife at the side and pushed the happy birthday sign into the cake.

Thirteen was a really nice age to be but also very scary. The beginning of your teenage years. The time when we think alas everything is going to be just like a movie. The age when we start finding people attractive and start finding ourselves horrible. But none of it is true. Everything is a lie because no,it is not like any movie. You don't get up one day and find everything new. All the things are the same but your conscious, that is new. You are just more aware now and the more aware you are, the more you accept that all of this is just a big fat lie and is it all worth it or can we just quit.

"Cora" my mother's pitchy voice brought me back to reality. "Oh my god, look at you." She continued as she walked towards me.
'You look horrible. When was the last time you brushed your hair or even your teeth." It's funny how all of this, she notices but me crying very audibly in my room last night, that she didn't . I would say im surprised but im not.
"Mom, no one is going to be looking at me. It is Sarah's birthday, not mine."

Sarah is my thirteen year old sister and quite frankly, the only person I would hate to leave behind in this shit life.

"Everybody is going to be looking at you honey. Now go change and wear something pretty."
I had accepted a long time back that revolting or even responding is not going to do anything. In fact, nothing is going to do anything. It is what it is and the longer I can hold it, the better but once I'm out, I will be out.

I had climbed half the stairway when my mother screamed, "And I hope you are not just wasting your time like you always do and actually doing something useful, like applying to colleges and writing essays and whatnots."
All I wanted was to stop feeling. And I tried, I tried my best but these stupid neurological signals make me feel and it is tiring. Feeling things is tiring and it hurts. To stop the pain I feel within, I try to feel the pain on the out. The sharpness hits my skin slowly but deeply and out flows the red, the essence and it leaves an affect but it must be hidden or they will stop me, restrict me from my only output.

"I see you didn't wear the dress I specifically laid out for you." She stopped all the work she was doing just to compliment, "And what is it with the full sleeves."
"Uhm, I am chilly." I replied.

The colourful balloons, well actually purple balloons, filled the room giving a weird hope to the teens, marking the commencement of the best days of their lives or something.

"Hey." A deep voice shook me.
"Hi" I replied to the boy in front of me.
"Uhm, Stacy's brother."
"Thanks for the intro." I smiled because I should.
"So, I have seen you around school and I actually read your lit paper."
"Oh you did?" that came to me as a surprise, "are you allowed to?"
"Well I was in detention and the teacher was checking your paper so I kinda helped myself to it." He replied with an apologetic smirk.
"Okay, and what did you think of it."
"Honestly, I was a bit taken aback reading your name attached to the paper."
"Oh." I still couldn't chalk it down as a compliment or insult.
"I mean" he continued "I think I just realized that you have layers to you."
"Oh so now that you have read my paper, stranger. You think Im not the shallow girl you expected me to be." I knew it was rude but I didn't have anything to apologize for. "That must have been a pleasant surprise."
I picked up my phone and said, "Raincheck."