UNKNOWINGLY

NEW DEFINITION

THE ANSWER CHANGE MY VIEW TO THE MOST POWERFUL FEELING OF LOVE. HE ANSWERED ALMOST WHISPERINGLY" IT NOT LOVE THAT I WANT TO PROVE, ITS JUST THAT RESTLESS FEELING LINGERING IN MY BLOOD AND BONES WHICH IS WILLING TO RECIPROCATE, WHICH IS NOT LETTING ME GIVE UP SO EASILY. I JUST WANT HER TO KNOW THAT EVEN IF SHE CANNOT KNOW THE FEELING, MIGHT BE THESE CUTS WILL GIVE HER A VIEW OF MY "LOVE"."

THAT ANSWER JUST LOOKS LIKE A IMPULSIVE NEED OF A TEENAGE BOY WHO IS WILLING TO GIVE ANYTHING FOR A LITTLE VALIDATION THAT EVERYTHING HE IS FEELING IS NOT A WRONG. AT THAT MOMENT I CANT RELATE TO THIS "LINGERING" FEELING BUT NOW I CAN MORE THAN ANYONE. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO KEEP WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN LOVE, TO WAIT FOR THEM TO COME AND TAKE YOU WITH THEM.

AT THAT TIME I JUST PUSHED THE TOPIC AWAY LIKE IT NO BIG MATTER, WELL IT ISNT !! FELIX MUST HAVE THOUGHT I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS SO HE TRIED HIS BEST TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT ISN'T A BAD THING AND I MUST SAY HE SOMEWHAT DOES AS WELL TO SOME EXTENT. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY 15 YEARS OF EXISTENCE I WENT BACK HOME THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING IRRELEVANT AS LOVE ON MY WAY. I THINK I REMEMBER AS I ENTER THE BUS I SEE FELIX STANDING WITH A COUPLE OF HIS FRIENDS AROUND HIM ENCIRCLING HIM AND ASKING HIM WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS WRIST, HE JUST TRIED TO IGNORE THE TOPIC BY SAYING AS HE GOT SCRATCHED BY SOMETHING AND THEN FOR TINIEST OF NANOSECOND HE LOOKED AT ME AND I CAN VISIBLY SEE THE PAIN, LONGING, AND HUNGER FOR RECIPROCATION OF HIS FEELING, HIS EYES BECOMES A BIT DEWY.HIS FACE TELLS A DIFFERENT STORY ALTOGETHER, SOMEHOW JUST AFTER A LITTLE CONVERSATION WITH HIM IN THAT CORRIDOR THAT DAY I BEGIN TO SEE HIM IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT, LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON, A PERSON WITH EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS.

I LOVE THAT DUALITY OF HUMANS, YOU KNOW LIKE WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW THEM YOU TRY TO READ THEM WITH THEIR ATTRIBUTES AND TRAITS BUT AS SOON AS YOU CAME TO KNOW ABOUT THEM YOU SEE THEM IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT, LIGHT OF TRUTH AND REALNESS. THIS LIGHT PROJECTS THEIR TRUE SELF, THE SELF THEY WANT TO HIDE FROM OTHERS.

AS I GOT HOME, I TRIED TO THINK ABOUT HIS PERSPECTIVE OVER THE MATTER, IT WAS SO EASY FOR HIM TO JUST FEEL SOMETHING AND JUST STRAIGHT AWAY WANT HIS FEELINGS T.O BE HEARD BY THE OTHER. TO BE HONEST, THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME TO BE THINK ABOUT "LOVE" A LITTLE MORE CAREFULLY. I HAD THIS WEIRD FEELING OF TINGLING AND FUZZINESS LIKE SOMETHING IS SO WARM AND REAL. THAT WAS WHAT I WANT TO FEEL, "REAL".I WANT THIS FEELING TO BE AS REAL AS POSSIBLE BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO HAPPEN SUDDENLY I WANT IT TO HAPPEN SOMEWHAT SLOWLY, LIKE A TEA BREWING, LIKE A FLOWER BLOOMING, LIKE A BABY GROWING. I WANT TO FEEL THIS JUST FOR ONCE BUT FOR REAL. IT DOES HAPPEN BUT NOT LIKE I WANT IT TO BE, IT BECOMES THE EXACT OPPOSITE.