I love you, dumbass

Needless Shame, thy name is Ennoshita

The next morning I woke up with tanaka draped over me, we were both naked and covered in each other's fluids. My mind flooded with scenes of all the things we did yesterday, we even took a break at lunch so I could by condoms because Ryu was so desperate. I felt giddy, I'd had a crush on Ryu since the first year of junior high, and I fell in love with him near the end of last year, and knowing he felt the same made my chest feel tight. But then my chest felt tight for a different reason. I remembered my father and my vision faded to black, then a scene of my father.

"YOU DISGUSTING CREATURE! I CANT BELIEVE THAT ALL THIS TIME IVE BEEN RAISING A F-CKING F—GOT!!! HOW F-CKING DARE YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" 

He kicked me to the ground, fists pummelled my face, blood dripped onto my shirt and pants. He kicked my ribs, my legs, my crotch, anywhere that would cause the most pain. He continued to call me slurs, call me a disgrace, his words hurting more than his blows. He raised his foot above my neck, about to deliver the finishing blow, "to send me to hell as soon as possible"  when I felt arms around my shoulders 

I snapped out of my haze and felt disoriented, I was sitting against the headboard, my arms wrapped around my knees. Tanaka looked up, noticing that I had calmed down a bit.

"Oh thank god! I was worried about you man! I woke up when you shoved me off you in a weird panicked state, I couldn't get you to calm down, you didn't respond to anything I said, it scared me, it was like you weren't there.."  he hugged me even tighter, trying to get me to calm down completely, but his efforts drastically backfired.

"D-don't touch me!"  I shoved him off of me and he backed away in surprise. I started quickly putting on my clothes that were stranded around the room. "Y-you made me into a f-got! I-i wasn't like this before! I-I was good! You were seducing me and tricking me this whole time!... you- y-you're a demon! It's all your fault!" As I talked I became even more frenzied, i gripped onto my hair tightly, trying to stay present and not go back into an unresponsive state. I was barely able to stay upright, barely able to see through the tears welling in my eyes, on the brink of spilling out. "Y-you're disgusting! Oh my god... its just like my father said! the minute you accept someone as gay is the minute you become a f-ggot just like them.." Tanaka's face dropped as I was talking, his eyes started welling with tears, but his betrayal and sadness quickly turned to anger. He stood and walked toward me, the closer he got the farther back i went until i hit the wall.

"What the fuck is wrong with you! I was just trying to help you and you're blowing up on me for no reason!" I slid down the wall, tears making me barely able to see the naked figure walking closer to me 

"And how dare you call me a slur! I thought you were different! Do you know how many people have done this exact thing?! Except you're so twisted as to make me feel sorry for you!!" He started getting more and more energetic in his rant, a trait I loved him for that I now began to hate. 

"WHAT KIND OF SICKO ARE YOU?!" He raised his hands, instinctively, I raised my hands to shield my face. 

"I-I'm sorry!  i-i didnt mean it! P-please forgive me! D-don't hit me please! Ill leave right now! You'll never have to see me again! Just please d-don't hurt me!" 

A deafening silence filled the air, I expected him to ignore my pleas and keep yelling and hit me, so you can imagine my surprise when he fell to his knees and asked the fatal question with a tinge of despair in his now soft voice "what did your father do to you?" 

"I- he was just being a good father and trying to protect me! He would never do anything to hurt me unnecessarily!"

"That's not what I asked. What. Has. He. Done. To you?" I looked up and met his gaze, a piercing glare pulling the information out of me