I used to think about all the things in life that I could've done differently. Sitting down in an empty casino drinking alone wasn't something I thought my future would become. It so pathetic. I always thought how come I've been engaged to four different people in my life to suddenly be all alone.
I mean it wasn't my fault that three of my engagements didn't work. i mean c'mon they literally forgot about me. How could you forget about a person you were engaged to? I just don't get it. And the other one died.
I sighed while taking another sip of my drink. Watching the ice clink together as they melt in the cup.
Everyone was asleep as I self-destructed. I shouldn't be drinking. I lay my head in my arms as I closed my eyes. I'm tired of this. Why am I always the fiancee but never the husband? Am I just not good enough?
Is there something wrong with me? Tears came rushing down my face as I tried to blink them away. Am I the problem? Am I just not lovable enough to be married to.
I wiped the tears from my face and stood up. leaving the cup of ice and left over alcohol on the counter for somebody else to deal with. I walked over to the entrance and walked out.
The night was cold and the stars were blocked out by the obsessive amount of neon signs that littered the clean streets of las nevadas. I took out a cigarette and lit it.
Taking a drag and letting out a puff of smoke. It was quite nice as it calmed me from the sudden feeling of dread from earlier. I took another and closed my eyes while leaning against a wall. Soaking in the quiet that surrounded me.
I slid down the wall and sat on the ground beside the entrance. Smoking all the bad thoughts away with one drag after another.
What's wrong with me? Was the question I kept asking myself. What is truly wrong with me. The thing is that I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I the problem? Is that why people leave me? Am I the reason everyone leaves in the end?
It has to be because I gave all my love to them, all that trust to them to not leave and here I am. Left alone and heartbroken. Forgotten by the people I thought truly cared about me.
What's the point of being in love when you don't even know if they love you back?
Footsteps walking closer to me. Who cares though. If I was murdered who would truly care? Let me do it to see if I care. I sighed. What a terrible thought.
Then the footsteps stopped right in front of me.I opened my eyes and looked up. I was surprised to find out it was actually one of my ex fiances, Eret.
"What's wrong with you?" They didn't seem mad or annoyed but concerned. Why would she be concerned? She kneeled in front of me and they stroked my cheek, wiping away my tears.
"Why the fuck are you here Eret" I asked dully. I wasn't mad, I was just confused.
"Charlie was worried about you so he asked me to come and check on you" they took their hands away from me and held them close to herself.
"oh" I took another puff from my cigarette. Arms wrapping around my legs.
" So how have you been Quacky?" she hasn't called me that in years.
" I've been better," I admitted.
they hummed and nodded. "I've missed you, you know?" The silent confession was somewhat heartwarming.
I took another smoke. " Did you?"
"I did"
"Then why did we break up?" I really don't know why or when we broke up but it really hurt just like the others.
