When Life was good

I miss them so much. Sometimes it hurts so much and I'm feeling so lonely and tired. I used to be so happy. It was the best time of my so short life. They helped me out of a deep hole filled with sadness, they made me, myself again and I thought we'd life forever...together...but I've never could offer them this? And now everything is getting worse again and the hole is filling itself with emptiness and sadness again and I could do nothing but feel it.

In last January, my days were too long, exhausting and I've spent my most time alone, reading books. I just came out to my parents as a lesbian. But they weren't the problem. A boy called Jack bullied me for liking girls and sometimes he'd also beat me. I could stand this for 2 Months, but then I was too exhausted and too hurt and so sick of life. I spoke with some of my teachers. But they didn't take this seriously enough to talk to Jack. I told my parents how I've felt and they tried t and talked to Jacks parents, but it didn't help.

My mental health was getting worse and I had no one to talk to, because all my friends left me when I came out to them. At this point I have to mention, that I live in a very religious town. I fell in a deep dark hole, but no one noticed. My parents did, but they couldn't do anything so they sent me to a therapist. She helped a bit and I felt safe, but only when I was around her in her office. She told me I should ignore Jack and should act like his comments wouldn't hurt.

He stopped bullying me but this wouldn't help. This time was the worst time of my life, I was scared of people and their opinions of me. My grades got worse and I got more anxious. The teacher noticed, but they weren't interested in my problems, so I had to carry them alone, deep inside myself. Every day felt the same: I got up, went to school, ate lunch, had afternoon classes, got home, fled in a world of books, ate dinner with my parents. It was a spiral that went deeper and deeper.

But one person, there was one person who brought me back, out of this strange version of myself out of this hole and made me, myself again.

It was early summer, and me, I was still alone, sitting in our garden and reading a book. But something was different from the other days. There were loud noises coming from the street. I thought, that I had nothing else to do, so I went to the street. As I got there, the street was quiet again, but then I noticed that in front of the, for months empty house, two houses away from ours, somebody parked their car. And then I remembered that my mother has told me somebody would move in there.

And then I saw them...the prettiest person I've ever seen. They gazed over to me and I stared back. I could see that they were wearing a dark green pullover with a light blue (almost white) baggy jeans. But the first thing I noticed was the dark brown, curly mullet hairstyle. When I noticed that I literally stared at them for 5 minutes, I looked away quickly and went back in the house.

5 long day. I have waited five days, but nothing happened. I have hoped that they will knock on the door or that I'd meet them at least outside, but absolutely nothing. But then on the 5th day when I went outside, on a walk with my dog, I saw them waiting on the garden fence. "Thought you might want to get to know me, now that I live 2 houses away from you", they looked at me with a smirk on soft looking lips. I was nervous but in these five days I had imagined several conversations so I was prepared:" I'd say no, but first I want to make sure that you aren't about to kill me". My strategy was humour. But actually it would be nice to know if they want to kill me though. "And if I were about to kill you? What would you do? Running away from me? You know, that I know where you live, right?" They knew what I was about. "Don't you want to come on a walk with me so we get to know each other. I think we should start with our names...Cate." "Well, nice to meet you Cate, I'm Alexis and I go by they/them pronouns and I'd love to go on a walk with you."

I knew it, they were trans and this meant that they could be gay too.

Later that day, it was evening, I was so happy and a little in love? It was an amazing day and I couldn't wait to see them again. From there on my mind was getting better and better.