The Girl Who Wore Snakes

Chapter 1: Pt5- Count... Who?

"Hello?" I say as more of a question. "Good morning. I am Stephano, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's new assistant." The man says in a thick, strange accent that anybody could see right through. "It's afternoon. And you're Count Olaf." Klaus declares. I give Klaus a strange look. I know the man looks suspicious, but to go as far as to call him Count Olaf? "Perhaps one of you can take my suitcases up to my room. The ride along that smelly road was dull and unpleasant, and Stephano is very tired." The strange man says, motioning to the inside of the house. 

"You're Count Olaf, and if anyone ever deserved to travel along Lousy Lane, it's you. We will not help you with your luggage and we will not let you in this house." Violet goes to slam the large door in his face, but he pulls out a fancy knife and stops it from closing.

We all start backing away from the door as the man comes closer and closer to us. Eventually, we were slowly being backed upstairs with the knife being pointed at us. The man goes back to his normal voice. "Well, I see you children haven't changed a bit. Violet, you're obviously as stubborn as ever. Klaus, you're still wearing those idiotic glasses-" he kept the knife pointed at us. "You're one to talk." I say, looking at his own weirdly shaped glasses. We were now at the top of the stairs. "You little- Wait, who are you? You're not a Baudelaire brat." he looks me up and down. Lowering his knife for a moment.

"No kidding. And you're in my house, so I could ask you the same question." I snap. I know it was a foolish move to sass a strange man with a knife, but I wasn't really thinking straight at the moment. "Oh. I know exactly who you are." he leans in a little closer to me and I take another step back. "I remember taking away your rattle when you were still in your cradle." He sniggered. "Good times. Well, never mind that. Instead, let's discuss your poor, unfortunate parents." the man smirked, pointing to a photo of Bertrand and Beatrice on the wall. "Your father and mother were very brave in their days. But, their days are done, Baudelaires."

"And now, all that's left of them is their enormous fortune, and that enormous fortune is mine." he continues. "Never." Violet blurts out. "Never is a very long time. And your ridiculous uncle will be back in a few seconds." he holds his knife back up. "My father is not ridiculous." I grit my teeth. Right as something else was about to be said, the screeching iguana clock struck and the loud scream rang through the house. We take this opportunity to run back downstairs. We run into the reptile room and slam the door.

We could hear the man curse and then start banging on the door. "Children! I've brought you a present. It's very sharp." he says, referring to the knife. "How did he find us?" Klaus asks, horrified. "That's the wrong question. What do we do?" Violet frantically looks around. "Who is that man? And why is he chasing us with a knife?" I almost scream. They quickly explain Count Olaf's plan to get their fortune and how they stopped him before. "Wait. He tried to marry Violet?" I shudder. "Yes, but that's not important right now." Klaus rambles. We could still hear Count Olaf hitting the door. "We can smash a window and make our way into town and catch a train far away from here." Klaus recommends. "Absolutely not. Monty should be back any second." I say, setting a chair in front of the door, just in case.

"We should never have let him in the house." Klaus says with regret. "We can't think about that now." I pant, looking around for something useful. Sunny then points to the window and babbles "Ugava hem." which probably meant "Monty's back." We all look out the window to see my father's orange jeep with a canoe strapped to the top. The banging on the door stops and we see Count Olaf walking out to talk to Monty. "He'll see right through Stephano's disguise, won't he?" Klaus asks, sounding unsure. We get closer to the glass to hear the conversation.

"Well, that is an unusual and long-winded explanation." Monty says. "Thank you." Count Olaf says in his ridiculous accent. "Uh, so let me understand this. You are my new assistant, sent to me even though I didn't ask for one, by the Scientific Society Seeking to Soothe Stress and Suffering." Monty refreshes. He doesn't look like he's believing any of this. "And your name is Stephano?" Monty asks, giving him a funny look. "What? Yes. Yes. Definitely." Count Olaf stutters. This man could use some acting classes. Olaf shows Monty some (very fake) papers. "Well, it seems everything is settled, then." Monty smiles at him. I turn wide-eyed to the Baudelaires. "He actually fell for it." I say in astoundment.

The two men walk inside and we all just stand there for a minute. "Bambini?" Monty's voice calls from the other side of the door. "Sei tu Monty?" I yell, just to make sure it's not Olaf imitating his voice. "Sì! let me just unlock all these important security measures and I'll join you in the Reptile Room!" Monty then makes a bunch of strange noises and opens the door."I am so sorry, children, that you were frightened by that man who arrived earlier. Um, it makes sense that you were alarmed, being that he chased you up and down the stairs with a knife. But there's nothing to fear. He is my new assistant, Stephano. I have seen his papers and everything is in order. So, you see, there's nothing to be worried about." Monty says rather soundly, making a face that told us to play along. "Oh, yes, I see now. How silly we were to be afraid." Violet says equally as loud. "Uh, Stephano has explained to me that he has a very strict fitness regimen, where he has to run up and down the stairs brandishing a knife at least three times a day. So, that makes perfect sense." Monty tells us, giving us a strange look. "I might join him on that exercise regimen." I remark. Monty lets out a cough that was probably hiding a snigger.

"So, now that that is cleared up, would you mind helping me bring things in from my truck?" he motions to the door. "I got all my shopping done and I even brought takeout for dinner. There should even be enough for Stephano. Now, we don't have much time before the movie, so help me take down this canoe." We all grab a side of the canoe and stick our heads underneath it. "Here we go. I am so sorry, children. I had no idea that our enemies would catch up to us so quickly. It's clear now that I can't turn my back for a second." Monty grunts under the weight of the canoe. "So you recognized him?" Klaus asks. "Of course I recognized him. I'm not some half-witted banker or some member of a High Court, who's so starstruck that I can't see what's right in front of me. He can wear as many lab coats as he wants, and present me with as many ridiculous papers as he wants. He's no more a lab assistant then I'm a three-mouth Brazilian waxed turtle." My father rolls his eyes.

"So what are we gonna do?" I ask. "Call the authorities?" Violet suggests. "What does H-A spell?" Monty asks. "Ha!" Sunny says from Violet's arms. "You think when I was climbing Mount Felix searching for the goat-eating cobra, that I called the authorities? No. If we call the police or Mr. Poe or the official fire department, that so-called lab assistant will have us in his clutches before they can darken my doorstep. And we all know Stephano does not work alone." Monty quickly looks around. "We must keep an eye on Stephano. He will join us for dinner and then we'll invite him to the movies tonight. A man that dastardly must be watched like a hawk." he continues. I'm sure none of us were exactly thrilled by the thought of that man living with us, but I trusted Monty. "That's all we're gonna do? Keep an eye on him?" Violet asks.

 We started to walk to the house with the canoe in hand. "For now, bambini. We can't afford to turn our backs, not even for a second. Besides-" Monty went to finish his sentence, but I felt a very sharp pain on the top of my head and fell to the ground. 

A/N: Dun dun dunnnnnnn. We finally meet Stephano *cough* Count Olaf *cough* but anyways. I just wanted to say thank you to the few people who read this. It's really scary putting my work out there for the first time. Don't forget to tell me if you have any suggestions!

<3