GONE MARKED (Gone Series 3: Dawn Pepper Gillman)

Kabanata 1

SIMULA
DAWN PEPPER GUILLERMO- GILLMAN

I WAS NEVER ANYONE'S FAVORITE.

I was the least liked... the least loved. Every time we have a family dinner, I'm the one who gets left out. I was used to being alone because, to them, I was a rebel... I am the villain in everyone's story.

I had grown used to romanticizing pain and misery since those things are all I have ever experienced and known.

Kaya siguro lumaki ako na malayo ang loob sa sarili kong pamilya na wala nang ginawa kundi ay ay idikdik sa utak ko na isa akong napakalaking... disappointment. For them, I am the bad seed.

For all the negative comments that they have made against me, I will always remain the same. I just became silent about it. I kept it all in, but I've always wondered if it was all my fault, that I became like this.

Is it entirely my fault that I turned into a person who put up a wall so I wouldn't get hurt? to defend myself from them?

MALAKAS NA SINAMPAL NIYA AKO.

I instantly felt a sharp pain on the side of my lips. I pushed myself to hold back the tears in my eyes before I looked at her again. 

"Estupida! What were you thinking?! Nawalan ka na ba ng delikadeza at nagawa mong gawin ang malalaswang mga larawan na ito? Isa kang napakalaking kahihiyan!"

Pagak na natawa ako dahil sa sinabi ni Mama. Kahit masakit ang pagkakasampal niya ay inayos ko lang ang nagulo kong buhok bago walang buhay na tinitigan ang nagbabagang mga mata niya.

What did I expect from her? Na susuportahan niya ako sa gusto ko?

I am a hypocrite, thinking that she will be proud of me for once.

"I am doing what I wanted to do with my life, Ma."

Galit na itinapon niya sa sahig ang mga larawan bago marahas na hinawakan ang aking baba. Napaigik ako ng kaunti nang maramdaman ko ang matalas niyang kuko na bumabaon sa balat ko.

"Don't you fucking continue this bullshit. Do you get me, Dawn? Ano nalang ang sasabihin sa akin ng mga tao sa pamilya natin? All of them will think that a respectable doctor like me has raised a whore like you?!"

Nakaramdam ako ng pagkirot sa aking dibdib pero hindi ko ipinakita iyon bagkus ay pinalis ko ang kamay niya sa akin at humakbang paatras. My hands formed into fists before I looked at her mockingly.

Kahit gustong-gusto kong umiyak sa harapan niya ay hindi ko gagawin. I do not want to look broken in front of my own mother, who has always seen me as a disgrace to everyone.

"Hindi mo ako mababago, Ma. If you do not like what I am doing, then I have more reason to do it. " I looked at my mother, who was wearing a white doctor's robe. "And wearing that robe for years doesn't hide the fact that you didn't become a whore once, right? Hindi ka din malinis, Ma. "

Nang makita ko na nagulat siya dahil sa sinabi ko ay agad na tumalikod ako upang makaalis sa lugar na iyon. 

"DAWN PEPPER! COME BACK HERE! "

Hindi ko siya pinakinggan at dire-diretso lang akong lumabas sa malaking pintuan. Whenever I am here, I've always felt as though I'm being strangled to death. I couldn't breathe for a split second. It was too much. It was suffocating my soul.

Natigilan ako nang makasalubong ang isang maputlang babae na kaka-baba lang ng itim na sasakyan. Her face instantly lit up when her eyes met mine. Nanakbo agad ito papalapit sa akin.