Strange stories

What is it like to lose your mind?

I wonder, what would it be like to lose your mind?

Could it be like the feeling of sitting in a windowless, doorless, blindingly white room? While your thoughts are blank and a song that sounds familiar, yet it is in a language you cannot understand, is playing? You see in your minds eye, yourself from above.
Then from the side.
Then from below.
Like shots in a movie.

You do not blink. Your mouth is dry. Do you feel your sense of self simply slip away? Does it take a while before all of your emotions leave you? I wonder what it would be like.

Could it be like the feeling of utter emptiness, the feeling of becoming a thoughtless marionette that happens when you stand next to a loved one's hospital bed? Perhaps a mother, or a father has passed away, and you can only stare at the body while your mind is wiped clean and only the thought "this is wrong" drums in your head? The feeling of losing a part of yourself along with losing them.

Could it be like the feeling of needing to clear your thoughts, leading to you walking alone on an empty street in the middle of a cloudy day? A misty rain gently graces your skin with its cold reassurance. With nobody in sight who could help you when you are cold and wet, and still being far from home, would you feel the world is cold? Would you feel yourself go away and retreat somewhere far like the heat in your hands does?

Could it be like the feeling a highschool student might experience, writing test after test after test, doing worse and worse with each passing one, not knowing whether the test he just wrote determines if he will have a future or not? The knowledge and dread that no matter how hard he studies, no matter how many extracurricular classes he attends, no matter how much effort he puts in,
he simply
will not
make it?

and his life will be ruined forever.

Is it noisy!? Like a rock concert or loud noises in your head that you CANNOT TURN OFF, that bring you such unimaginable, unfathomable IRRITATION that you simply snap to cope with it?! Do you hear voices?! Do you see things?! What do you feel?!
I would feel angry.

Coping with past trauma replayed in your head like a PTSD movie theater, and having the same happen with slight mistakes being blown up to hilarious proportions by the evil voice in your head. Considering how someone will judge you and hate you until they die for the time you said something slightly weird or out of place or made them angry. Going through an extended period of high stress and raising stakes wih several mental illnesses, having hope repeatedly placed in front of you only for it to be snatched away at the last second every time. Second guessing your loved ones love for you, and believing they have an ulterior and malevolent motive no matter HOW many times you are reassured. Believing you are unlovable because of all of this, and only falling deeper into a pit of despair for the foreseeable future?

Yes, I think losing your mind would be a bit like that.