Dangerously

Chapter 9

Getting to sleep at night was hard most nights—especially when Draco didn't have Hermione in bed with him. She didn't make the problems go away permanently or fix them, but she was comforting and warm. Something Draco hadn't felt in a long time.

Draco missed his mum. He missed having a family, but when he would look back on the time when his family was "whole" he wasn't sure if he ever had one in the first place. He watched the family he had during the war destroy itself for the sake of Voldemort. Draco had watched innocent people die at the hand of his family. Sleeping at night was the hardest because at night he could no longer put up a façade to the world—he was alone. All he had was his nightmares and this tainted name. It had been his job the past couple of years to make it shiny and new, although he had done just that—the memories wouldn't go away.

At night the anxiety would creep back in to tell him all the things he would push away all day.

You are a coward.

Your family is disgusted by you.

You will always be seen as a death eater.

Honestly, who cares about you? Your family never checks in with you. Who would notice if you were to disappear? Maybe you should.

Draco shot his eyes open and took a deep breath in and out. Every night he battled with himself simply begging for his own peace of mind. He shut his eyes once more and imagined Hermione. How she looked that day at the quidditch pitch. The way she bounced around and laughed—how she seemed to love being around him. The image became distorted—he watched as she fell to the ground, she was screaming—her scream. The manor.

Draco shot straight up from his bed. He tried to catch his breath as he rubbed the back of his damp neck.

I am a coward.

"I'm sorry about Venice, Malfoy," Harry spoke softly as we walked down the hall together to our offices.

"You don't need to apologize, Potter. Weasley will adjust eventually," Draco exhaled as he rolled his tongue against his cheek. "Could I ask you something though? I want you to be honest. Do you blame me for the death of Weasley's brother?"

"No," Harry replied quickly, stopping in his tracks. "Ginny doesn't either."

Draco stopped as well and nodded, "Thanks, mate." Draco walked past Harry down the hall.

"Draco, you're coming to my wedding, right?" Harry met back up with him and caught on to his shoulder.

"Wouldn't miss it, Potter." He smiled and walked towards his office. He shut the door behind him and faced toward the door. Draco placed both fists onto the door and began to weep.

She won't have her brother at her wedding because of me.

"You staying late again, Draco?" Harry questioned as he leaned against the door frame of Draco's office.

"Yeah, trying to get ahead on some paperwork," Draco couldn't meet his eyes. He didn't want to admit he had been working himself to exhaustion so that sleep could come more easily. The wedding coming up and the situation with Ron was bringing up past memories he had tried to bury for so long. He wasn't sure how to cope with them.

"Hermione asked about you," Harry cleared his throat, "She said she hasn't seen you in almost two weeks. Are you alright?"

"She does worry," Draco whispered. "I'm fine, Potter, just have a lot on my mind. See you tomorrow?"