Equivocation

fable

Mallory

     It wasn't worth it. I never thought it would end like this. I never thought that I would get so swept up in my web of lies that I would lose sight of the truth and myself. Looking back on all of the mistakes I've made in the past eight months, I've come to the decision that I would change it all if I could. The lies I told to become more popular or gain more likes on Instagram mean nothing to me now and I wish I could go back. It’s not worth hurting the ones you love to make you love yourself more. If I had been more content with myself, this storm wouldn’t be swirling around me, destroying everything I once held dear.

I wish I never bought this stupid notebook to write those stupid lies. I wish I never found 5 Seconds of Summer on YouTube. I wish I never lied so much I forgot how to tell the truth. I wish I never fell in love with a boy with big hands and curly hair and I wish I didn’t break his heart.

 I ruined everything and left internal scars that will never heal on the ones I love the most. I wish I had never met him, or fallen for his smile, because then I wouldn’t be missing the feeling of his hand in mine. I've lost sight of myself and everyone I love, even my own sister, the one who always had my back, seems to have abandoned me, and it’s entirely my fault. I'm sorry Ashton. I'm sorry.