My contributions to CLOYTOBER 2021 and later additions.
A mixture of short fiction scenes, some reflections on CLOY and its characters. Just a way to bring them all together.
Five prompts were published during Cloytober and a sixth (Dark) added late...
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Darkness is the future, impenetrable, oppressive, darkness. Grey is the present.
Routine, duty. Every day, get up, prepare, be polite, do what's expected. But don't plan ahead, don't be impulsive.
Focus. On what's expected, even if it's not what you want. Don't make excuses, be the best you can be. Exceed expectations, obey every rule. Do it, not because you want to. Not because you love your country. Not because it gives you satisfaction. But because it's right for you to work hard. Right to punish yourself.
Take pride in doing something well that you don't want to do. Never think for a moment of what you want. That doesn't matter anymore. You don't deserve happiness. You don't deserve dreams. It's your fault. Your responsibility. So just do it. And do it damned well. No excuses.
Keep separate. Don't socialise. It's a distraction, a frivolity. And you don't deserve it. But don't be rude, never that. Be respectful always. Forget those old friendships, those old hobbies and entertainments. Those things are for others now. Not for you.
If you have spare time then be useful. Be of service, learn a new skill, improve. Not because you want the satisfaction of learning, but because then you can serve more, support more.
Read. But not to escape, distract or amuse. Challenge yourself, be relentless in all things.
Fill every part of the day with something useful and productive. Then, maybe you will have earned your sleep.
Don't reminisce over good times. Leave those mementoes packed away, out of sight. Don't discuss them or wish you could experience them again. You don't deserve it.
Fulfil your familial obligations, show respect, follow their wishes. Serve them with honour. But don't be sucked into comfort or an easy life.
Do all this, behave like this. Be the man you failed to be, when you prioritised your own dreams and ambitions over those of others, over Mu.
Pay that penance, it's what you deserve. This grey life and this dark future.
*********Author Note's************
I didn't publish this during Cloytober but it's a late addition.
I was thinking about the character of Jeong-hyeok, of what he would have gone through after his brother's death. A period when he blames himself, internalising his grief, changing his character.
Until Seri rescues him. Because saving Seri is just as much a rescue for him as it is for her.
It seemed to fit with the prompt 'dark' for day 28 so here you go!
Ellie, 11 December 2021
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