Seek [BL]

Chapter Two: Identity

Seek [BL]

All my life, I've been such a big mess. Things I did and things I didn't do, regret will always be the end result. I'm trap underneath my own shadows. Mock me, beat me, slap me-I'd be more than glad to accept the offer. Needless to say, I'm all numb. Something, someone needs to be punished for all these regrets. And that is me. Only me. But pain seems not to be much of a help in erasing the feelings that lingers inside me, it only makes me remember of more painful things. Hateful things, even. In the end, I'm only using the pain to let myself remember what it feels like to be alive, to be human.

My very presence that ceases to exist, will it be all the worth one day? Is acceptance really the key to happiness? If so, why can't I accept myself in order to achieve the happiness I've been searching for?

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Chapter two: Identity

Obviously, the incident happened at the rooftop had caused a little commotion. A student who was about to go home saw the man who was about to jump and reacted quickly to call the teachers for help. Good thing that it was already past noon when it happened so it didn't attract much crowd because almost all of the students had gone back to their homes. A couple minutes later, a concerned teacher went his way huffing to the rooftop to check if anything bad had happened. Only to find out us crying, nothing like what the student had reported. That being said, we are not still cleared with the issue and we were forced to report regarding it. And as expected, our parents were called in.

I smell trouble.

We were asked to sit on the chairs outside the principal's office, just opposite the room. Five seats were aligned next to a vending machine. We sat quietly, leaving two chairs apart from one another. Just the right distance to avoid any awkwardness. Neither one of us dared to talk, nor did anything other than to sit obediently and wait. Maybe it's an after-effect of receiving a multiple amount of comments, questions, and advices from the people who seemed to be more concerned and worried with the school's reputation rather than our safety. It's all about business, after all. A school must be seen as a school, not some suicide site.

There were times when I would try to sneak up a glance at his direction. And there were times when I would catch him glancing, too, towards my direction. There's this feeling that we both want to talk to each other. But none of us is brave enough. Yet.

Through the small opening of the door, I can hear my mother's sob while listening to the counselor about my issue with the bullying. I can visualize my father being in his usual calm demeanor, trying to comfort my mother.

I knew well that nothing will change if I'll seek for help regarding the bullying issue. The only thing I know is that, you ask for help and things will get worse. If you want to get through with the bullies, you just have to ignore them till they got tired of you. Believe me, try not to trigger anything that will make them mad. And telling the teacher about it is already classified as digging your own hole.

Minutes passed by slowly and the awkward silence between us did not, in any way, helped to ease the tension. I'm too scared to look at his way for too long, thinking he'll look back to meet my gaze and ask something about what I said to him hours ago. Hell. That's the least thing I'd want to deal with. Just having flashbacks of it makes me all embarrassed. Though, a little part of me wants to go talk to him and thank him for comforting me. But as I thought, all I can do is glance. I'm that weak.

I looked at my watch to check how long it's been since my parents came in, just to see it's been 15 minutes. But the thing that worried me is that my parents are the only ones present. If you'll weigh down our problems, his is heavier than mine.