Till Time Ends Itself

part three

2013 july 17th

bucky's eyes snaped open as the dream he justed watched in his eyes refused to fade from his mind. he sat up sweat covering his bare chest as a single tear fell from his eye, the dream played in his head on repeat. bucky's dream was formed of his deepest wantings and hopes, you sat on the steps that lead up to his mother pourch. it was spring the trees bright green as they shaked in the slight breeze.

y/n's hair fell over her shoulders, the ends blow in the wind. the warm sunshine sprong off of her, kissing her skin as she watched the sky fade from from orange to pink. bucky was standing behind the screen door watching, y/n looked older well in her 30s but still as beautiful as the day he first saw her sitting at a lunch table in school. she was a little more tall, her face was sunken in more. bucky slowly aproched y/n as he got closer he could see a bundle of blankits in her arms.

she turned her head to look at him a small smile on her lips. he sat down next to y/n and just now he could see what was in her arms, a small baby cooing while sucking on its hand. the baby had y/h/c hair and big bule eyes that stared up at him, the baby was a perfect mixure of him and y/n. bucky's eyes moved back up to you, "isnt she beautfil buck" y/n said has she looked deep in his eyes. bucky felt a sence of pride in his chest as he looked at his daughter.

bucky reached for y/n's hand to hold "yes she is just like her mother" when he looked down to see were his and y/n's hands met he saw a small ring on her finger. that ring was his's mother wedding ring yes it was small but that didnt matter. it had been passed down, to almost every wife who was married into the barnes family. and here y/n was wearing it, holding the new life that bucky was proud to say he helped create.

then as he looked back up to look in to y/n's y/e/c eyes he was met with natasha. he was holding her hand the baby now had red hair and looked different, and his mothers ring was replaced with a huge one that was store bought, the one natasha forced him to buy because she didnt want his familt ring. she said 'its to small i need something more big' the sweet dream had now truned into a nightmare. "james why dont you love me?" natasha asked as james shock his head and backed away from her and the child.

then he was snapped awake from the sound of his alram. bucky took many deep breathes but nothing could make him settle down. he throw himself from the bed and rushed over to his duffle bag. he put on a shirt and some jeans not even bothering to wash off the sweat, he put on his shoes and speed walked to the elevator. he didnt know were he was going but he had to get away.

not just from the dream but from the life he had made for himself.  the sliver doors opened and he shoot out of the box. he walked out into the street, the hot summer air filling his nose as the heat made him whince. he walked, and walked, and walked still not knowing were he was going just letting his feet take him anywhere.

he reached to stop small coffee shop he knew all to well. this was the first place bucky and y/n got in a fight. he was supposed to be her fake date to the school dance to make jake the guy she liked at the time jelous. bucky ditched y/n half way through the dance for a quickie in the bathroom with sally mayer the "hottest girl in school".
yeah bucky at some points in his and y/n's friendship he wasnt the greatst friend but y/n never stopped being there for him even when he pushed her away.

he went in the coffee shop, it hadnt changed one bit since then. the aroma of coffee beans and chalk, the walls were painted in a black coat of chalk paint. the owners would let the people write and draw what ever they wanted on the walls. bucky, steve, and y/n used to come here through out all of high school the owner Mr. lee was very fond of the group. y/n even worked here for him all those years ago.

the happy times came in pain as bucky found himself sitting at the table all of them used too to dit sit at. he missed that time, not just y/n but everything about that point in his life. he missed steve always getting into fights that y/n or bucky would have to finish, he missed the late nights that they would have to begg y/n to sneak out with them. exploring New York with his bestfriends he missed his bestfriends, bucky missed everything.

ding!

natasha: i need to talk to you

natasha had texted him, he rolled his eyes and left her on read. he didnt want to face his prombles not now nor ever, he wanted to sit here in the sad yet comfroting feeling of this filmiler place he and his friends once knew. bucky felt a hand on his shoulder "james my boy?" bucky knew that old voice so well and he found himself missing it. james turned his head to see stan lee the owner and father figure looking down at him

"Mr. Lee!" james got up and hugged the old man. lee chulked and told bucky to sit. james and lee sat across from eachother, lee knew james like a son he could tell something was worng. "whats worng james?" lee asked with a raised eyebrow. bucky was taken off gruad he forgot what it was like to have someone turly know him. "nothings worng Mr. Lee" james said with a very fake smile.

lee just shock his head "boy i know when somethings worng, ive known you since you were just a kid now tell me why your here?" lee said in a stern voice. "what i cant stop bye say hi to an old friend?" said james. lee gave him a 'seriously' look and james let out sigh "its because y/n's married steve ain't it?" lee quetioned but he already knew the answer, Mr. Lee could see right through james he knew bucky has been in love with y/n for years.  Even if he didnt admit it to stan, he could tell just by the way y/n and james looked at eachother.

"no, no.... yes" james tried to deny it but gave in, there was no point in lying. "i got the invite, let me tell ya i was shocked i always thought it would be you two but fate i guess had a different plan" lee said as james listened closely. "boy look at me, i know you love her. anybody with eyes can see it." bucky shock his head "yeah i do love her but i fucked up Mr. Lee i let her. i married natasha and i missed my chance" lee pulled out a green lether book from his back pocket he began to flip through the pages and landed on pape 23. "did you? did you really miss your chance" lee handed bucky the book "read it, i want you to read every page of this book"

bucky was confused "why?" lee turned the book and showed him the back cover. there on the back was y/n's name this was her book she finally finished it. bucky rememdered how excited you were when you got the book deal, how hard your were working on it. "its her book, now i want you to read page 23 first ya hear, then read the rest" bucky was in disbeilf he went to page 23 and found at the top to what looked like gibberish to others was bucky and y/n's secret lanuage. the page read:

i know no one else will understand this, this page and many pages of this book are about james buchanan barnes. i know i'm to late and you might not ever see this but i hope you find this. i know i havent seen you in sometime and im with steve but i love you.

the gibberish said. the poem itself was just below *not in their secret lanuage*

she loved too early and he loved too late. They truly and hopelessly loved each other but at the wrong moment. One in the past, the other in the present, never able to meet. Kept away by time, missing the lingering looks and touches as the world passes them by in a totally different way then the last. They hope and say one day we'll meet and love in a different life. But what they don't know is that a different lifetime is so far away. But they couldn't be farther away from each other then they are now right? People say time heals all wounds but it also creates them. They long for each other in ways they and no one else will know. They look back on the little time they had and hold it so close to their heart that it now hurts. It hurts to hear your name because I now know I will never have you the way I want. Never wake up to your smile that makes me fall in love with you all over again. Your touch is something I'll never know but I fully understand. I love you in every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, every year, and in every lifetime. I will love you forever, till time ends itself.

for my bucky, with much love and care.

    Bucky read the rest of the book before any poem that was about him there would be his name In their secret language at the top of the page. The love confusions and beautiful words you wrote brought a happiness and sadness to james. He was happy tou loved him, but you couldn't be together.