Freaks and Geeks Script

Pilot: Part 1

Scene I

1981

Mr. Fredricks: Come on, ladies! Let's see some hustle! Uh, excuse me. Is our little practice bothering you? Get out there!

(whistle blows)

Mr. Fredericks: All right, let's work! Let's scrimmage. Come on!

Ashley: You seem so distant these days, Brett. Is there something I did? 'Cause if there is, I want you to tell me.

Brett: Ashley, it's just-

Ashley: I'm ready to work through whatever it is that we need to work through. But we need to communicate. I need you to talk to me.

Brett: Ashley, it's just that I love you so much... it scares me.

(Ashley chuckles)

Daniel: Oh, man, you wanna hear something way messed up? You know that Molly Hatchet shirt I was wearing the other day? You know, the one with the executioner guy holding that bloody axe, and under his foot's the severed head?

Mark: Yeah!

Nick: Yeah.

Ken: That's my shirt.

(Nick laughs)

Daniel: Yeah, so... My mom, she makes us go to church every week, and we gotta dress up. And, so, I get there, and the stupid priest says I can't come in.

Mark: You can't wear stuff like that at church, man.

Daniel: Why not, man? It's church. They're supposed to forgive people there. So, you hate my shirt. Forgive me, let me come in.

Nick: Hey, I believe in God, man. I've seen him. I've felt his power. He plays drums for Led Zeppelin, and his name is John Bonham, baby! (laughing) Oh, yeah.

Bill: Nah, nah, nah. Here we go. Here we go. (imitating Bill Murray) Hey, Lisa! Here's those noogies you ordered!

Neal: It's a real Cinderella story. Eh, former greens keeper. Oh, he got all that one!

Sam: It's in the hole! It's in the hole!

Alan: Sam Weir. You really like Bill Murray, don't you?

Sam: Yeah. He's great.

Alan: Bill Murray sucks, man.

Sam: No, he doesn't. He's cool.

Alan: Oh, really? What is he, your boyfriend? Sam Queer. It's fightin' time, weird.

Sam: Leave me alone, Alan.

Alan: I'm sorry. I don't speak geek. I always wanted to know what it'd be like to fight a girl.

Lindsay: I'm a girl. Wanna see what it'd be like to fight me?

Alan: Uh... Weir's sister has to protect him?

Lindsay: I'm not protecting him. Just trying to figure out why it is you need to pick fights with guys who weigh less than 100 pounds.

Bully #1: Watch out, Alan. I think she's high on pot.

Lindsay: Yeah, I might just go psycho on you. You wanna try me?

Alan: You're dead, alright? As soon as your freak sister isn't around, I'm gonna cream you, man.

Sam: You know, you really didn't need to do that. I could've handled it.

Lindsay: Yeah, I know.

Sam: And by the way, I weigh 103 pounds.

Lindsay: Sorry. Man, I hate high school.

Scene II

Jean: You know, I ran into Mrs. Patton today at Farmer Jack, and she said she saw you smoking.

Lindsay: (scoffs) Well, she's crazy. Mom... I can't believe you. Do you seriously think I would start smoking?

Jean: Okay. I... (chuckles)

Harold: You know, I had a friend that used to smoke. You know what he's doing now? He's dead. Now, you think smoking looks cool, let's go dig him up now and see how cool he looks.

Lindsay: Daddy, if I started smoking, I would tell you.

Harold: Oh, good. Now I don't have to worry.

Sam: Hey, Dad. Guess what. They're showing Monty Python and the Holy Grail at Parkway, Saturday night. Neal, Bill and I are gonna watch it twice in a row.

Harold: Great.

Jean: Sam, isn't the homecoming dance, Saturday night?

Sam: Yeah.

Jean: Are you going?

Sam: No. Why would I do that?

Jean: Well, your sister's going.

Lindsay: No, I'm not.

Jean: All right, kids, high school is for learning, but it's also where you should be learning how to socialize. That's what high school dances are all about.

Lindsay: No, they're not. They're just a chance for the popular kids to experiment with sex in their cars.

Jean: Lindsay!

Harold: Hey!

Lindsay: I mean, if that's what you want me to do, then I'd be happy to go.

Harold: You know, there was a girl in our school... she had premarital sex. You know what she did on graduation day? Died. Of an overdose. Heroin.

Sam: Dad, are any of your friends alive?

Harold: The smart ones.

Jean: I'm sure there are plenty of kids who are just dying for someone to ask them.

Lindsay: (scoffs) Mom, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Jean: Honey, it's stupid until you consider how happy it'll make somebody who really wants to go.

Lindsay: Nobody I know wants to go.

Jean: Lindsay...

Lindsay: Dad.

Jean: Honey.

Harold: Great. That works out perfect. I'm having a midnight madness deer hunting sale that night, and you can come wait on all those nice hunters. The choice is yours.