He stood in front of me. Shall I be happy? Or should I ask him why he left me? What should I do? I must have been staring at him for longer than it was needed. "It's been a very long time since we met each other." I heard him say. His voice, I was dying to hear his voice. He looks more like a man now, sharp jawline, hair set properly, wearing a suit under his black coat. He looked mature and beautiful. I felt my eyes getting blessed just by looking at him. I smiled. A heartful smile, after years. He handed me my phone, jimin was still on the call, but who was in the right state of mind to even notice that. "Would you like to come over?" I asked. He looked stupified by my words. "I don't think it's a good time now we can do a rain check on this." He tried to be as polite as he could be while rejecting her offer. "You still hate my guts, don't you?" I let out an annoyed spat. "You are taking this in a wrong way YN. I don't think this is a good idea for me to suddenly show up at your place after-" , "after leaving me without giving a proper explanation?"
I cut him of his sentence. "We are not doing this again." He said clenching his teeth. "Atleast give me a reason for your sudden change of heart." I was desperate, I had to know to reason. "Sudden you say?" He let out a spiteful snicker. "That's what you think YN? That I had a sudden change of heart? If yes then you are far from the truth." He spat at me. "Then could you do the honours of telling me the truth, as according to you I'm deprived of it." Sarcasm was laced on each and every word that left my mouth. "If that is what you, I will give it to you." Taehyung looked at her with a gaze she hated the most. "It was never sudden YN, it was never. I saw you changing right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do a thing about it. I loved you, I really did but I was not strong enough to bare the changes and still accept you. I loved you for your liveliness, your smile, your understanding nature and mostly for you being yourself. But as the time passed, you got busy with your work, coming home late, hardly had any time for me."
"And even if you got some time from your busy schedule, it all went in us fighting. You became short tempered, jealous, and all in short toxic. I couldn't let myself be with you. So I left you. I knew you loved me and this was not the real you, but the real YN, the one I knew was long gone, I tried getting her back but she was nowhere to be found." Taehyung said the words that have been in his heart for years. All his emotions that were piled up since the time he saw her changing amde their way out.
I was crying. I thought I had control over my tears but I was wrong. They left my eyes without my permission and made their way down the cheeks. Each one of his words felt like a skewering knife through my heart. I let his words sink in, trying to compare his statements with my memories from past, to confirm whether what he said was true. In the end, it was true, every word of his was true. It's me who ruined it all. I was to blame for my own misery. I cried, not letting my tears stop I cried like a baby.
"Why didn't you tell me this before? Why didn't you tell me while leaving me? We could have worked things out, we were meant to be together." I said between my sobs. "I knew it would break you from inside if you know that you were the reason I broke up. It would have killed you and I knew it. So I kept silent about it. We were never meant to be together if we didn't last forever YN." He tried his best not letting his tears leave his eyes. "But I still love you." I blurted out. "This is not fair Taehyung you didn't give me a chance to reflect on my mistakes." My heart was aching, it was longing for a person whom it has hurted the most. "I didn't give you a chance? Only now you got to know your mistakes, when I told you them. All these years you lived, you never once thought if it was because of you. You are still selfish YN, you only care for yourself, how you can be happy, how it would be comfortable for you, how you won't get hurt. You never once think for the other person." I hate to see Taehyung like this.
But was it the truth? Was I really selfish? No it can't be true right? "I-" My body felt numb when I saw Jimin standing behind Taehyung. He stood there, clenching his fists, he had tears in his eyes. I fucked up, I have successfully fucked up another relationship of mine. Jimin noticed my gaze on him, he turned around and left the sight. I cursed in frustration. What do I do? Where did everything go south? Why is it always me fucking up things? "Taehyung do you still love me?" I asked him still being my delusional self. "I stopped loving you when we were still in a relationship YN, I was over you when we were still together." With that he left. Again. He left me for good again. But this time I had no reason to be waiting around, he left me with nothing. After everything, all these years, I was just being a toxic person to everyone who loved me, to Taehyung and even Jimin. I need to explain things to Jimin too. I owe him an apology at the least. I ran over to his apartment, only to see the door open. Things were shattered around his place.
I entered his room with a fear of seeing something unpleasant and dreadful. If something was to happen to him I wouldn't have been able to live with that guilt. I opened the door to room revealing a messy room and sobbing Jimin. My heart broke into millions of pieces. I was the reason for his state. He hugged his knees and cried his heart out. I sat in front of him, contemplating whether to touch his fragile figure or not. Choosing the prior option I touched the back of his hand and called out his name. He flinched. Another stab to my heart. "Jimin? I am sorry." I saw while my eyes don't know how to stop the flow of the tears. "Sorry? That's it?" He spoke up. He raised his head up to look at me. This was the sight I feared to encounter. His eyes were swollen, nose and cheeks were practically red. I made him cry. "What did I do wrong YN? Was it fun for to see me fall for you? Or did my feeling meant nothing to you?" The hurt in his words was loud and clear. I broke him.
I did the same thing to him what Taehyung did to me years ago but again it was my fault. How am I going to fix this? Can I still fix this? "It's not like that Jimin." , "Then how is it?" He raised his voice. For the very first time he raised his voice at me. I flinched at his sudden out burst. And to my surprise he looked concerned. It's said that you should give your love to someone who loves you not to someone whom you love. I never understood this until now. After everything I did to him he was concerned about me. I am really the villain him ain't I? "I knew you loved him, even when you were with me. But I thought as time passed you would open yourself up for me. My love for you would help you move on from him. But I guess I was wrong. You still love him. You think I didn't know the reason for you being distracted all the time, I knew it all but choose to ignore because I love you." Jimin looked defeated. "Hurting you was never my intention Jimin. I did really like you but my heart was not ready to except you as my one and only.
I tried I really did but a piece of my heart was still with him. I never got a proper closure from him and it made me delusional thinking that there was still hope. I put everything dear to me one stake for that last hope and now even that's taken away from me. I know asking for forgiveness now would be am act of shamelessness but please jimin if it's possible forgive me for what I did." I had always been sincere with my apology towards him, because I know he deserves better alot more better than me. We sat there for hours in silence, I couldn't dare to to speak up not knowing how he would react. He looked at me with a familiar gaze. "I don't know of I can forgive you this easily but I don't want something to break that I have building with every bit of mine. I really want to go to my extent with this. If you still want to be with me you will have to earn it. I want to know if you are sincere when it comes to us. I would give you a chance to earn the forgiveness but only if you are willing to be with me. And by that I am not asking you to forget your past, it's a part of your life, but you should know when to let it go."
"So tell me are you willing to so this?" Jimin asked staring at me with his watery eyes. No matter how ridiculously unbelievable it sounded for him to give me another chance, I still took it. I won't let another relationship to go into drain because of me. I nodded as yes and he smiled, a smile of relief. He was hoping for me to say the otherwise. I want to be the reason for his smile all over again and this time I would give my everything.
