Just That Girl

Panic *TRIGGER WARNING*

*VERY TRIGGERING CONTENT*

Victim

That's what the doctors said when they pumped my stomach after he had forced drugs and alcohol down my throat pushing me to an overdose.

Victim

That's what all the therapist's said after he was gone.

Victim

That's why I can't be in a relationship without freaking out.

Victim

That's why I'm starving myself.

Victim

It's tainted the way everyone who knows looks at me

It's just one word, the easy way to explain someone's mistakes when someone else's overpowers them.

I feel myself losing in the battle of the spiral. I have nothing left to do but let the panic take me. 

Let myself panic even more because I can't breathe. 

Let my body shake until it's limp.

Let the fear consume me, fill every vein running through my body.

Let myself relive the nightmares that I work so hard to bury.

Let myself fall apart piece by piece, then pick them all back up again leaving holes even worse than the last, holes that will never be filled because the simple truth is I'm broken and I put myself back together so many times, but nothing is ever exactly how it was before.

"Elle."

"Elle, wake up."

"Elle, you're scaring me c'mon."

"Elle!"

If only he knew I wasn't asleep. I could still see him, his face, I could reach out if I had the strength to move my arm. Or to even move my lips and let words slip by.

But I just sat there, eyes fluttering closed as anything but darkness consumed me. I saw flashes, flashes of everything he had ever done to me, I was reliving each one, but it was ten times worse than the first time.

That first time I saw the real him. 

The blood was glinting off the knife as he chased me up the stairs. I slipped into a small closet soundlessly and locked the door. I place my hand over my mouth to stop the sounds of my breathing and I wait. I wait for him to give up.

"Elle, baby. I won't hurt you. Darling, everything will be okay, just come out and nobody else has to get hurt." 

His voice, it was supposed to sound inviting but all I heard was a menacing phsycopath. 

I hear him try to twist the handle of the closet I'm buried in, then he leans in and whispers.

"You should've hid better." 

I look down and the trail of my own blood has betrayed me. Then I screamed.

Five people in the hospital all because of me. Did the police believe me that he was fucking crazy and dangerous? Of course not. Who would believe the 16 year old girl with serious PTSD over the well put together boyfriend who had a perfect reputation.

That first time he raped me.

He lead me down to the schools basement, at this point it had been months since he's tried anything, he seemed perfectly sane and it was my birthday and he said he had a surprise for me. I was a fucking naïve blind little bitch.

His hands covered my eyes as he lead me in the darkness, I heard a click that sounded very familiar to that of a lock, but I thought nothing of it. He lead me further and further down an echoing hallway.

I waited and waited in anticipation keeping my eyes closed as he shuffled around the room.

Then my back arched and I cried in pain as I was slammed against the cold concrete wall...

~~Grayson's POV~~

"Elle!"

Not this again. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

I pick up her small body and lay her gently across the backseat, myself climbing into the front and driving as fast as safely possible away from the lake and towards Luke's house. Within fifteen minutes I'm banging on the door.

"What the hell man. It's like three in the morning." He shouts half asleep.

"It's Elle." Just like that he jerks to life, eyes open fully, laziness disappears, and he springs to action. I watch wordlessly as he carries her limp body out of my truck and into his house.

Not that it's any of my business, but if I didn't know better I'd say that Luke was hopelessly in love with the girl that all of us have known since forever. And if I didn't know better I would be so fucking jealous.

~~Luke's POV~~

I carry her way too light, way too bony body to my room where I prop up pillows and wrap her in the warm duvet of the king bed.

What the hell. Nope. I will not be losing her today. No, no, no.

I try everything, splashing her with ice cold water, yelling, airhorn, her least favorite song, every trick in the book, but none of them work.

"Ahead of time, I'm so sorry Elle. I'm sure you'll get you revenge somehow." Then I  close my eyes and I slap her.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" She yells as her eyes shoot open. 

I just can't help myself, I lean in and I do the one thing that is so wrong. 

I kiss her.

~~Elle's POV~~

His lips are warm against mine and 

I slap him. He jumps back eyes in shock.

"Payback motherfucker." I reply with a smirk.

~~~two hours later~~~

Luke took me home, and I'm sinking myself deeper into the warm bath water. All the negative thoughts from earlier passing through my mind as I close my eyes and sink under. The water slowly fills my lungs and I hear Luke's muffled voice through the door.

"Hey Elle, your Mac and cheese is ready." A few seconds pass and my eyelids feel heavy.

"Elle?"

The door opens and next thing I know I'm yanked out of the water and am coughing up a fit.

"What the hell!?"

"It was nothing."

"You were trying to kill yourself. That's not noth- You know what? Fuck this. Fuck you. All I've done is stand by you, sure I'm an asshole, but I've watched you grow up and watch you start doing this shit to yourself, I thought you'd be able to pull through, but lets face the facts. You're too broken to be put back together, and I'm done trying."

Seconds later I hear the front door slam and that's it. The hole is reopened and even bigger than before. 

Only this time instead of breaking myself down further I was gonna prove him wrong. He has no clue how many guys would kill for my body, so I'll use that. Sleeping with some people won't hurt, ya know, give myself a glow up. New hair, nails, clothes, the whole nine. Luke Johnson can suck his own god damn dick for all I care. Elle is back, and even better than before. Actually scratch that, the girl who was never scared of anything, the girl who could walk around like she owned a place, she's back. 

Buckle the fuck up, because Ravyn is back.