The Legend of Sardboys and Harlots

Chapter 3

It's the night of the ball and everyone is dressed for the part.
"Now, my beloved daughter. Go and mingle amongst the suitors and let me know if you find any one particularly pleasing," said King Tarus.
"Yes, father," Princess Kenny hugged King Tarus.
Princess Kenny walked towards the crowd of people and motioned for Duchess Analidia and Duchess Kristen to accompany her.

"What was that all about?" asked Analida.
"My annoying dad is making me find someone to marry because he thinks I've come of age," Kenny fake gagged.
Kristen giggled, "I love weddings!"
The princess glared at Kristen, "Well, that's unfortunate because I am NOT going to have one soon."
Princess Kenny bumped into a tall strong figure, "Oh! I am so sorry. Please excuse my clumsiness."
The boy chuckled, "My apologies, Princess." He bowed. "I am Prince Brhyan of Bitchington."

He looked to the left of Kenny and his eyes sparkled in awe. "And this fine lady is....?"

"Wait, me?" Duchess Analidia looks around and blushed.

"How have we never met before? I'd like to know more about you," he kissed her hand.

Kenny groaned once she realized she wasn't the center of attention and moved on to meet other people with Kristen, leaving a flustered Analidia with the handsome prince. Kenny rolled her eyes, "Whore."

Kristen chuckled, "It's your party and no one is even paying to you for more than 10 seconds."

Princess Kenny's eyes narrowed. "Well, I guess I'm going to have to make them notice me. Follow me to the conductor."

They walked over to the music conductor and Kenny whispered in his ear.

He nodded, "Of course, Your Highness."

He whispered to the musicians and operetta singers and began them, "Four, tres, two, uno."

They broke into "Fergalicious." ( http://goo.gl/FPs5Uj <- listen )

Princess Kenny made her way to the dance floor, but to her suprise, someone already stole the spotlight.

That's when it happened. Her palms sweated, her heart raced, her stomach dropped, and a lump caught in her throat. He was graceful and beautiful. It was love at first sight. He was in the middle of the dancefloor dropping each gluteus maximus to the beat of the song. He twerked so hard that his posterior looked like it was vibrating. He delicately popped his arse to every downbeat and put his arms to the air with a goofy grin.

The crowd cheered him on and whooped. Kenny knew what she had to do for senpai to notice her. She pushed and shoved through the crowd and DROPPED DAT ASS right in front of him.

He smirked, "DAYUM, bae."

Princess Kenny winked at him and grinded on his torso with sheer force.

THE CROWD WENT APE SHIT.

Daniel grabbed ahold of her waist and rode along and they danced the night away.

Meanwhile, the dukes, earls, countesses, and duchesses hung out in a little clique, judging all passers-by.

"How come we never do that anymore?" Katelyn pointed at Princess Kenny and the mysterious stranger to Elian.

Elian raised an eyebrow, "Remember last time?"

Katelyn looked off into the distance, "Oh, yeah, huh."

Rayana who was standing by her shuddered at the painful memory, "Bleh."

Earl Jose and his lover, Natalie, laughed.
She paused, "Jose?"
He put a hand on her waist, "Yes, my sweet?"
"Isn't it a little awkward to have me with your higher-class friends? I think they're lovely, but I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb," she said timidly.
"Yes, you do stand out," said Earl Jose, as he held up her chin, "but that's because you're the fairest maiden all these thirsty-ass hoes have ever laid eyes on." He leaned in and kissed her ever-so-sweetly.
Rayana looked around, "Hey, where's Duke Josue and Princess Evelinne."

They knew, but no one said it aloud.
Loud moaning came from the restroom. Evelinne had her legs wrapped around Josue's torso as he kissed her furiously against the wall. They basically made love with their tongues.
Josue subtly laughed, "This is no way for a proper princess to behave."
Evelinne growled and bit his lip, "Shut up and kiss me."

As they hogged the bathroom, the ball was turning up. A fair maiden named Jade was gossiping with Juan, the confessor.
"So, I tell that bitch to close her stanky-ass fishy pussy and tell her step-father that they can't fuck anymore," said Father Juan as he sipped his glass of red wine.

Jade sighed, "That's like the 10th time something like that has happened. There never any interesting new drama around here anymore."

Juan looked at her, "I heard that some guy came into town and claimed to be a prince but no one has heard of his kingdom. He said he came to mee the princess. Pretty sketchy, huh?"

Jade nodded, "Now, that's juicy."

Queen Warisha and King Tarus were speaking with Sir Ivan.
"So, I hear you're quite the hero, young man," said the Queen, "Surely, many maidens want you to offer you their hand in marriage, correct?"
Sir Ivan laughed, "Ah, Your Majesty. You are hilarious. As a matter of fact, I have been looking to be courted."
"And you haven't because?" asked the King.
"It's silly, really. People call me thirsty. I honestly don't know where they got that preposterous idea."
Sure enough, a group of maidens walked by and he handed each and every one of them a copy of an illustration of his ballocks.
"WHAT IS THIS?" said one of the girls.
"Is this a portrait of-," said another until she was interrupted by Sir Ivan.
"Ladies, ladies. I personally like to call them 'dick pics'," he laughed, "And there's plenty more where that came from."
The Queen and King slowly backed away.