I chose me in the moment I blocked you. I chose me in the moment I told you that I deserved to be treated better. I chose me when you chose to ignore my texts. I chose me when I realized I was just another one of your talking stages.
Don't get me wrong., falling in love with you is a beautiful thing, but it's a thing I wish I'll never have to do again.
Loving you was confusing, it was draining, it was frustrating, but the best feeling I'll ever feel, because I felt it with my whole heart, loving you was beautiful not only because it was pure, but because it was accepting, it was loving, it was caring, but loving your was hard, it was a path i had to go through in complete darkness, it felt like a blindfolded guess.
Every night i lie in bed and repeat to myself these three phrases: I didn't have you yesterday, I won't have you today, I will not have you tomorrow.
Look, I can't have you again, I can't and I won't. I refuse to go through this roller coaster of emotions in which I know there will be only loops, big falls, sharp turns, and breaks.
Although loving you was safe, exciting, thrilling, and the best of me, loving you was confusing, it was draining, it was frustrating, it was a miserable pain in which I'm yet to heal from.
And in this roller coaster in which I'm in line for, is one of those rides in which I can't see it's path, I know there will be falls, I know there will be sharp turns and loops and breaks but, I'm willing to go through it all, because I know that if you are by my side holding my hand after i get out of it, I'll be okay, we'll be okay, it will all be okay.
And here Iam laying in bed after i told myself the three phrases, still heartbroken after almost a whole entire year, staring a a dumb, minor notification on instagram in which says "____85 started following you", my heart racing, my mind going a thousand miles per hour , what does that mean? Do you want to try again?
-I won't, I can't send this to him.
Maybe in this life we were not meant to be, maybe we're soulmates that are not meant to be together, but I do believe in right person, wrong time, and trust me you'll always be the right person,no matter how many times we break up, how many times I say I choose me, you're my right person, I'll forever choose you.
Maybe...I hope, one day, time will bring us back together, maybe in some random small town coffee shop, I'll stumble upon you and my books will fall and you'll help me get them together and it will be love at second sight, the first one was the day I met you at the volleyball game
Maybe time will heal me from your love, maybe time will make my skin forget your touch, and maybe time will make my brain erase the memory of you sitting in the front seat with my dad and me mad in the backseat because my dad liked you so much to the point where he wanted you next to him.
I just want you to know you made me happy, you made me feel loved, accepted and cared for, you were my first love, and in the end I know I have to choose me, but I will never give up on us, no matter how much the world is against us, no matter what my friends say. No matter what.
I choose you; even if you don't choose me back .
