Just because two people doesn't end up together, doesn't mean it was a failed relationship.
Mayroong mga relasyon na masaya, ngunit hindi sapat para patagalin pa. Mayroong mga tao na kaya tayong pasayahin, ngunit hindi sapat para ating panatalihin. Hindi sapat na masaya lang. Paano ba maging sapat?
"You may now kiss the bride."
They call me martyr. But I'm not. I gave my love to him, expecting that I might get hurt.
"Aleah, okay ka lang?" tanong sa akin bigla ng matandang katabi ko. Okay lang ako. Bakit naman magiging hindi?
"Okay lang po ako," sabi ko na lamang sa matandang nagtanong sa akin. Binalik ko na uli ang aking paningin sa harap. Tapos na pala ang seremonya. Picture taking naman ang sumunod na nangyari.
Ang saya nila tignan. Bawat litratong makukuha ay walang sablay sa pagngiti ang mga taong kinukuhanan. Lalong-lalo na ang bagong kasal. Kaya hindi ko na rin maiwasan ang mapangiti. Nakakahawa talaga ang pagngiti. Sana lahat.
"Iha, buti nagagawa mo pang ngumiti. Hindi lahat nagagawang ngumiti kahit pa sila'y nasasaktan. Ako'y bilib sa iyo," sabi na naman sa akin ng matandang katabi ko. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako. Hindi naman ako nasasaktan.
"Masaya po ako kaya ako nakangiti. Wala po sana ako rito kung ako'y nasasaktan. Hindi po lahat ng natapos na relasyon ay malungkot. Wala pong dahilan para masaktan ako sa nasasaksihan ko ngayon. Natutuwa pa nga po ako dahil tama ang desisyon ko na pakawalan ko ang taong minsang naging parte ng buhay ko. I chose gratitude over regretness. I am thankful that I loved someone like him. And I found no regret for letting him go. We chose to let go than to hold on. Not because our love wasn't enough, but because our love wasn't for each other. And look, he finally found the one." Matapos kong sabihin iyon sa matandang tulala na sa aking pagsasalita ay tumungo na ako sa kumpulan ng taong panay ang pose sa camera. I used to be his number one. But he finally found his 'the one'
"Congrats, Zymien. Happy for you." I really am. I'm even proud. He got so much better than he was before.
"Thanks, Aleah. Hope to see you saying your vow to your future spouse. Make sure to invite me, huh?" Zymien said with a smile. His smile that used to make my heart beat fast. Now? It's just a normal smile for me.
"Hanap muna ako boyfriend. Parang tanga kung magpakasal ako sa hangin. Pasalamat ka pumunta ako rito. Naaasiwa ako na makita kang ikasal habang binabanggit ang wedding vow na sinaulo mo pa sa harap ko dati. Kinikilabutan ako, kung alam mo lang," sagot ko kay Zymien habang pinapakitang kinikilabutan talaga ako. Tinawanan lamang ako ng lalaking kausap ko.
Totoo 'yong nagsaulo siya sa harap ko ng wedding vow niya. Sa akin dapat niya sasabihin iyon, sa araw ng kasal namin. Nakakatawa lang na pinagpraktisan lang pala ako, proxy ba. Akala ko sa mga binyagan at buhos-tubig lang nangyayari iyon. Buti na lang hindi actual na kasal ang nangyari dati, practice lang. Indeed, practice makes perfect.
"I don't know if I should regret what happened between us.. or not. Maybe, I did regret a bit. I regret not making you feel that you're enough-no! You were enough. You said I was also enough. But we don't fit each other.. I guess. As much as I can't forget you, I can't forget the memories as well." Suddenly, we both felt so down. I can't just forget everything as well. Painful, yes. But it was beautiful. A beautiful pain.
Moving on? What's that? I can only move forward, bringing all the memories with me. It's true that we can't forget someone easily, especially if they gave you heartbreak. But what we really can't forget are the memories, rather than each other. What we miss more are the memories, not the person inside those memories.
"As you are happy to see and spend time with your partner, you know that you are in a stable relationship. We were stable, right? Stable 'yong relasyon natin dati. Tayo lang 'yong naging shaky. Love is just a feeling. What really keeps any relationship is the love that is well-communicated. And we lost that fight. Mayroon tayong bibig pero hindi natin nagamit ng maayos. We barely breathe properly in our relationship. We do things a normal couple does as if it's mandatory. We enjoyed each other's company.. yet it's suffocating, right? Someone said life is about bearing with the choices you didn't make. But in our state, we bear with the choices we make. And I gladly accept the challenge."
After I said those, I felt so light. Grabe 'yong naging luwang ng paghinga ko. Ilang buwan kaming hindi nagkita. Ngayon ko lang nagawang magpakatotoo sa nararamdaman ko. Love lies between acception and rejection. And we both accepted the rejection we had in our relationship. Kailangan mo lang tanggapin para makawala ka sa nakaraan. It's either you bring the memories or bury it to finally forget. I chose bringing it while burying the feelings I once had for him.
For a while, I forgot I attended a wedding ceremony... of my ex-lover. This is the closure we needed. No hard feelings, really. I'm just purely happy for I realized... he can be happier without me.
"A single rose can be my garden. A single person can be my world. You are that person. You became my world. You are the rainbow I waited after the rain. I never believe in fate, but then I found you. We were at both end of the bridge, just looking at each other. Contemplating whether to cross the bridge or not. But you crossed, waiting for me to cross the bridge as well. I was planning to turn my back on you, but I'm just stuck in my place. You just kept on looking at me, feels like hypnotizing me to go to you. So, I did. Right after crossing that bridge, countless times, we crossed each other's path. And now we're here, planning to cross another bridge. If before, I hesistated crossing the bridge, now, I am willing to cross another bridge with you. If before, I only love you, now, I give my life to you. This is my solemn vow." I finished my sentence with tears welling up in my eyes. Zymien looked puzzled, I just smiled at him.
"This was supposed to be my vow.. to you.. on our wedding day. That day didn't happen, though-no! The wedding happened, hindi lang tayo 'yong kinasal. But still, I got to say my wedding vow to you. Thank you.. thank you for all the love and sacrifices you had for me. I treasured it all. I hope that you can finally do the things you can't do for me with your wife. Love her more than how you loved me. Take care of her very well, okay? I wish you both a bountiful life. Basta ba, ninang ako sa magiging anak niyo. Kung hindi man tayo sa huli, baka 'yong anak natin ang magtuloy sa ating naputol na kwento. Biro lang, pero pwede ring totohanin." Tinawanan na lang uli ako ni Zymien. Magsasalita na sana siya nang may biglang umakap sa kaniyang baywang. Ang kaniyang asawa.
"Hi! I'm Xyneth. Nakilala rin kita sa wakas. Zymien talked a lot about you. You're a wonderful woman."
Xyneth. Zymien. Magkalapit lang ang unang letra ng kanilang pangalan sa ating alpabeto. Kaya pala. Totoo nga 'yong mga nababasa kong meme sa facebook na pinagpalit sa malapit. Ang sakit siguro sa part noong mga pinagpalit. Kasi ako, hindi ako pinagpalit. Hindi ko na ipapaliwanag pa kung bakit. At gaya ng mga letra sa alpabeto, ang unang letra sa aking pangalan at ni Zymien ay nasa magkabilang dulo. Tulad ng pagtayo namin sa magkabilang dulo ng tulay noon. Nagtagpo kami sa gitna ng tulay upang magparte rin 'di kalaunan.
After our talk, I finally turned my back on him. The thing that I was supposed to do on that day. When I got out at the church, I mumbled something.
"Goodbye for now, my could have been."
