One Day At A Time - One Shot

1. Coming Out - Connor

I can't believe I finally spoke up! Ahhhh!!! I have so many emotions, it is so hard to put it into paper. I am having my morning coffee and is already noon.

Yesterday, after the presentation at the YouTube Space, Tyler and I went for lunch. I was uncomfortable with myself and afraid that it would reflect my feelings during the presentation. But with Tyler everything is so easy. He is such a great friend, I can easily talk to him for hours and yesterday was no different.

We chat on during lunch about superficial things, like clothes, TV shows, restaurants, etc... Then soon after lunch we went to his house. I like going to Ty's house cause is a comfy place to hang out without having fans around town asking for pictures and autographs and without all the guys and their girlfriends at my house (O2L).

We sat on the big grey couch, watch some TV, chatted with Korey for a while, order pizza, talk some more, and drink some wine while at it. All this time Tyler had been watching me. How sad I look, how uncomfortable I was when relationship topics came up, how pensive I was this whole time. He knew me so well that he waited for the right time. After Korey left at about 4 am, and we had a little too much wine the conversation turn to a more serious note.

He just starred at me until I cracked, I knew it was the right time, the right person, and the right thing to do. I could not keep it much longer. My hands started to sweat and I said: "Ty, how did you accepted yourself? 

He simply knew where I was going with this and said, "You know. It is like I always knew but I just stop being afraid of what the world wanted me to be and then coming out was the second hardest thing to do cause it sets the tone of how your life is going to change and gives you an insight on how other people might react".

So I thought to myself, I can choose to end this conversation now but then the time might never come.

With my voice cracking I said, "Ty I think.......... I might be feeling..........I know I am....... That way.... You know.... g". 

And my tears started to pour down my cheeks. Tyler reach for me and gave me a hug and I sob for what it seem hours. Then when I calm down, I got off Tyler shoulder and said "I am Gay".

We just sat in silent for a while because, we knew what had happen was the beginning of the most emotional roller-coaster I could ever need. At about 5am, after Tyler had talk to me about his experiences, his first relationships, his insight of this new side of me I was about to explore. My emotions where everywhere, and I had a lot to drink, so we decided that I should stay in his spare bedroom.

In the morning, when I woke up Tyler had made me a Coming Out Welcome card. It was so Tyler. He is the best friend I can ask for. We decided to keep it a secret for now but very soon I would started telling some more people.

I am still nervous but I am actually looking forward now. I feel so relieved that Tyler did not overreact. He is acting like every other day. That's how I want everyone else to be but I know it is not possible. Just thinking of some people and how they are going to make a big deal, it makes me want to hide and never come out.

After coffee Tyler suggested we go out for some shopping. I love clothes and it helps me forget about things for a while so we got ready and headed to Topman. It was fun, I got a few t-shirts to film with. After shopping, we went to my house and while no one was in we talk a little more about me,

"I decided that when the time is right to tell the guys, I would like to have you here for support. It makes me anxious just thinking about it. Of course if that is OK with you?

"Of course Is OK, Con. This is what friendship is for. I have your back whenever you need me" "Have you thought who you want to tell next?"

I blush a little and try to hide my dorky smile hoping that Tyler did not notice. "Well, Yes! I kinda want to tell Troye next. I think that he could help me a lot" "I don't think I need you to be here for it"

"I think he would be a great support too"  "But there is no need to blush about it" and laugh and wink at me.

I just pretend I did not hear the last sentence. How can I not hide this feeling when I talk about Troye. He makes me nervous and happy all at the same time. I can only hope that once he knows , he does not stop treating me the same way. Sometimes I think he flirts with me cause he thinks I'm straight but sometimes I think he is very genuine about it. I am still trying to sort my feelings about myself and I cannot get into a anything else right now but only the thought of it makes me wonder what the future would be like by his side. Terrifying and happiness all in one.

I quickly change the subject as I see the boys coming in. They are all over the place like always so no one really ponders on the uncomfortably looks Tyler and I have by having to stop a serious conversation.

Tyler decides to head out and I head up to my room. As soon as I get there, I open my computer to check Skype. Troye is not there, oh well, maybe I should think about how to tell him before I do anything I will regret later. So I lay down in my bed and for a very long time I fall sleep relaxed, without the anxiety that has hit my soul so many un-restful nights.