Lying to Lillac

Ch.3 Him

3 weeks later***
The idea was stay away from mom, now it's survive. The whole plan worked for like 5 days until she got what I was doing so when I went to school she would get into my room ,I don't know how but it's mom, and she would take my food and change them for expired thing then she started taking away blankets everyday until all I had was a ratty old blanket, expired bread, and a bucket,witch is now completely filthy.

On night 24 of the apocalyptic war between mother and my life it was colder than normal considering it was October. Then all of a sudden All I could think about is the one thing that can make me smile now a days. His name oh his name swells in my brain then bursts with adorable joy. Though I've never talked to him just slight jesters and smiles ... He's beautiful and he's all I can think about the thought of him warms me flourishes inside keeping me cozy and feeling like I'm in a palace. He is just Soo... Sooo .... Perfect. The thought of him just saying "hi" to me kills me with joy... But then reality hits and I realize he's likes katelyn not me, and I now go back to the damp dark room that's no longer filled with joy but de spare, because I'm ordinary and she's extraordinary.

Then the accident and bad thought wonder in consume me for the rest of the night haunts me ,one by one another dangerous thought reaches my brain never fulfilled but always pondered, put to the back of the mind to one day think of again . Then my eyes sag as... I..... WAKE UP with a jump ready for a spectacular day filled with broken hearts and broken bones.
As I ran to school I pondered why I didn't ride the bus I knew it was healthier and I only lived a half a mile away from school but why not still ride the bus? Then I remember why... people...I think the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm alone or thinking about him. I'm not even happy to see Maria anymore she has been very distant and rude. She thought the idea of me locking my self in my room to stay away from mom was stupid. Because family is all we have in life but if that intitals my family beating, cutting and burning me I think I'll pass on the whole Ohana thing.

The next day as I woke up I felt dead. My energy gone, my will to live gone, the thought of him gone. I was completely and utterly dead the cuts that my mother gives me, last night I added to...but mine where deeper more defined more legible to the human eye, so I remember that every time I look in the mirror I should hate it.