Love on Ice

Chapter 24 - Olivia

I wake up to movement in my bed, the dipping beside me bringing me out from my sleep.

I open my eyes and see Megs climbing under the duvet and laying on her side so we're facing each other.

I move my hand under my head to bring my face out from the pillow indent.

Megs smiles at me, "Hey Liv."

"Hey Megs."

We lay in silent for a few minutes. I know Megs won't pry but I know she's waiting for me to spill my mind to her, like my own personal therapist.

I wipe a tear that's escaped my eye as I take a breath.

"You cancelled your trip, didn't you?" I ask her.

"Yeah, I did. Mark understands, I told him I will pay him back," she adds.

I move my face more into view, "no Megs, I will pay, this is my fault, I'm so sorry, I know you both really wanted this trip."

"Liv, I'm not leaving you like this," she replies.

"I will be fine Megs."

"No, Liv, you won't," she says firmly.

I wipe another tear that falls down my dry, sore cheeks.

We lay in silence before Megs quietly states, "so, last night."

I internally sigh.

"I don't even know what happened Megs," I start, "I couldn't hold it in any longer."

She takes a small shuffle closer to me before whispering, "I know, you can't hold these things in Liv, it only makes them ten times worse."

"I always think if I keep pushing it deep down, it will eventually disappear. I was fine and then as soon as I saw James's concern, I completely lost control," I sigh, "he must think I'm a right idiot."

Megs huffs, "Olivia. If there is anything James thinks of you, it is definitely NOT an idiot. You should have seen him last night, I had to practically push him out of the door Liv," Megs says sternly.

I look her in the eyes.

"Rest Liv, rest and chill okay, you need it," she says, "I'm going to make some food, you hungry Liv?" she asks.

"I could eat something," I add.

"Good," she replies getting up from my bed.

Once she's at the door she turns and faces me, "oh and Liv."

I raise my gaze to hers.

"Text James, he's worried sick," she replies before walking out my room and shutting my door.

I smile, feeling comfort that he hasn't completely avoided what happened.

I roll over and grab my phone from my bed side table, mentally thanking Megs for putting it on charge for me.

I turn it on and scroll through my notifications, a few uni emails, regular emails, a snapchat and 4 texts from James.

I open the texts first.

"Give me a text when you're up Liv so I know you're okay."

"Hope you're feeling alright."

"Found your camera, I've put it safe in my office, sorry I forgot to grab it last night."

"Megs is getting angry at me – I only text her 8 times...that's not over the top, is it?"

I laugh at the last one.

My fingers hover over the keyboard as I try and think of a response.

What do I say?

Finally I type.

"Hey James, just letting you know I'm awake and am feeling fine. Thanks for rescuing my camera for me, and don't worry about Megs, she's always angry."

I look through my emails when a message from James pops up at the top of my screen.

"Thank goodness, please let me know if you need anything, I will see you tomorrow for our game, rest up Livy."

I re-read his message more than once as I frown at the thought of tomorrow.

Game day.

That day.

I smile at him calling me Livy though.

Almost makes me feel like, home.

I type out my reply.

"Thank you James, are you at the arena for long? Maybe I can come and grab my camera at some point."

I could do with the distraction so I don't have to think about tomorrow, what better way to distract myself than see him.

~~

Once I've eaten, showered and agreed with James that I will collect my camera this afternoon, I make my way to the arena.

I push the thoughts of tomorrow deep into the back of my mind, completely going against Megs advice but what else can I do.

I know James will be expecting some kind of an explanation from me.

I take a deep breath as I reach his office and knock.

"Come in," he says from behind the door.

He smiles and rises from his desk as I walk through the door.

"Hi," I say sheepishly.

He grabs my camera from his desk draw and hands it across the table before sitting back in his chair.

I know he's not going to ask, but I also know I owe him some kind of an explanation.

"Do you have a minute?" I ask.

"Of course Liv, have a seat," he replies.

I sit down and shuffle in my seat before clearing my throat.

"I know you probably want to know what happened last night, and you deserve to know," I start.

"Olivia," he gently butts in, "I don't expect anything from you, you don't need to tell me anything unless you want to, okay?"

I smile at his comforting words.

"I will tell you James."

I take a breath.

"I just can't do it right now, not yet," I say as I look down to my camera sitting in my lap, fingers fidgeting with the buttons.

"I'll be here whenever you're ready Liv, day or night, you have my number, call me whenever you need anything, do you understand?".

I do need you, James.

I need you right now.

I need you tomorrow.

But I can't put the demons on my shoulders onto someone else's.

I don't want James's opinion of me to change.

I don't want him to find out about the blood that sits on my hands.

Not yet anyway.

I've faced these demons for two years, a little longer won't harm anyone.

Right?