Short Stories

be calm.

you hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive

I'm dead.

Unsensational my head is swathed in sticky white spiderweb I can't feel the floor beneath my fingers

I'm dead.

I must be dead I have to be dead because if I'm not dead then

I'm dead.

I will

my heart

not

to

beat.

But I'm a liar and I can feel the cold floor under numb fingertips and my heart thumps a hateful rhythm in my chest and the spiderweb rips tears apart to let the light in and I can see

Lights coloured lights swarming the air the taste of euphoria in the back of my throat people around me screaming in laughter and she

No

Stop.

I Don't Want This.

Bring the spiderweb back please I don't like this existence

In the back of my mind

my blood

still

pulses

in my arms my heart my chest I feel it I'm a liar and

I'm dead.

I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead

Please.

This prison is cold the walls are cold the floor is cold the life is cold and wilting in my lungs

there is no life

there is no life in this prison except me no matter what I do

These walls keep me caged in are they mine or are they theirs

Sometimes they talk sometimes they knock three times on my door thump thump thump I ignore them

Because what else

is there

To do there is nothing I am nothing I want to be nothing

Will you let me

If I ask nicely

I lie here spiralling seeping through splits in the cold walls down to broken shards digging into my arms drawing dried blood walls that are definitely in my mind can't be real because on the other side is her and she's

Lights coloured lights swarming the air the taste of euphoria in the back of my throat people around me screaming in ecstasy and she looks and me she smiles she smiles at me

I'm

Not

Sorry

That I'm here I deserve it.

The cracks are forming I stick them together with glue

super glue

regular glue

useless ineffectual glue

I'm falling and I hold myself back I will not plummet down I won't

grasp this ledge pull your feet up there I'm safe next time I'll use sellotape.

Brief rest now my own head is attacking me my eyes pulsate with throbbing pain my thoughts wrestle with each other bite scratch pull hair spitting venom into my core pain rips across my scalp I can't think