Perfect Strangers

Chapter 8

"So, Molly's is the girl you brought to the concert, right? She's your girlfriend if I remember right," she said, curiosity shining brightly in her eyes.

"Yes," he answered slightly embarrassed. "Heather is her best friend since childhood and unfortunately a victim after you," he admitted grimly.

"Well, I'm glad that she got justice." she simply said before her gaze turned mischievous. "And I'm glad that you've found someone to love," she said, making her brother blush.

"Mn," he simply said for lack of anything better to say, but April didn't miss the fond expression on his face. "You could still get justice too." he then said, noticing how her face fell for a moment.

"I could but I really just want to let the past be past," she replied. "I just want to free myself from the memory even though I know that scars will remain. I want to be free and just move forward, that's all I want now that I have you again," she confessed.

"Fair enough, I wish I could have stood by you in your hardest times, but I promise to make up for it from now on." he declared.

"I know you will, and I had Mike by my side, so I was well supported still," she said, smiling in his direction.

"True, I can't thank you enough for what you did for April," he said to Mike who simply smiled relieved and shook his head.

"I didn't do anything I didn't want to, I'm just relieved that you both have each other again." he simply said, coming over and patting April's head as she beamed. "Anyway, is it okay to call the nanny back?" he asked, receiving a nod from April that didn't move to remove his hand from her head. "Alright, I'll be back." he simply said before disappearing out the door.

"So, how have you been? How's being a mother?" he asked cautiously, watching as she searched her words before answering.

"Well," she hesitated. "I can't say I was fine or anywhere near there for a long time, but I'm fine now," she said slowly as if searching while talking. "For a long while I blamed myself and I was in denial. When I finally understood I was a victim I fell apart and felt dirty, violated, at least more than before," she said a heavy sigh escaping her. "It was hard to climb back up, but thanks to many, many months of therapy and Mike's infinite patience, I climbed back up slowly until I was confident enough to push myself to move forward and just accept reality," she said a small but genuine smile on her face. "As for being a mother, I try my hardest to give Brandon what he needs, but I can't touch him without washing my hands first and I can't look at him without remembering. I want to give him the love and affection he deserves but I can't," she said pained and ashamed, making his heart twist painfully.

"April," he called, hesitating to reach out before placing a hand on her shoulder in support. "I don't have the right words and I can't truly understand your suffering, but I know that some things can't be helped so don't beat yourself up so much. The fact that you feel this way just proves to me that you are trying to be the best mother you can be despite the circumstances of his birth," he reassured.

"Mn," she agreed. "I know that in my mind but in my heart, I can't help but feel guilty still." she sighed. "It helps that he doesn't look like his father, but it's still hard. When I was pregnant with him, I remember hurting me and him without meaning to occasionally and it still haunts me every now and then, it was so hard to accept that I had this life growing in me and it's still hard to believe sometimes that I'm a mother. I just want to do my best." she confessed, wringing her hands together.

"You are," he reassured immediately. "You are a strong person and I know a good mother; I would have never been able to go through what you did," he said, moving his hand from her shoulder to her hands, a reassuring smile on his face.