Well its been nine years. Nine whole years with a happy life. Well I was pregnant. Not anymore. You see there was this car and then a angry of fans and. Well you no what happened. I gave birth to my baby boy as a still birth. It was the worst day of my life. He was beautiful. Tiny hands. Small fingers. Curly hair, blue eyes and a little button nose. So innocent and not a care in the world. Because he never got a chance to have one. But I did. I swore revenge but I can't bring myself to end anyone's life knowing Joshua is looking over me. Ever since I have been scared to try out for another baby. Bailey didn't take it well either. He didn't talk for days. I nearly committed suicide because I thought he blamed me.
Life's got better I guess but it will never be the same. Without my little boy in my arms. Its been a whole year. But I have a life. I need to carry on. For him. And bailey.
"Babe I'm going to the store do you want to come?"
"ermm yeah let me go and get my shoes"
"Okay baby girl"
Okay I'm wearing black leggings, a white collar top that goes to about just under my bum and white converse. My hair is straightened, with a middle partin. My make up is very light. I whistle for Marley(our dog) and he comes running like he always does. I stroke him and go down stairs. I smile at bailey and we get in the car.
When we get to the store we go in and buy fruit, milk, bottled water, bread and all the things we needed. When we were at the till paying some woman was looking at me so I smiled and she screwed. This chick crewed don't know who the hell she screwing but I'm gonna find out.
As we were in the car park putting the stuff in the car the woman went passed and said something that triggered in my mind.
"Maybe it was a good thing you baby died"
" wjhat did you just say!!"
"What I only said the truth I mean your in a right state"
"Yh but I wonder why if you gave birth to a beautiful boy who was a still birth because of a stupid stillbirth how would you feel?, you probably wouldn't be in this world because you would be so stressed you would of done something to end your life. I'm not a hypocrite, I know I was going to but then I thought about my baby boy and I realized that I needed to live my life to set and example for him because I know he is looking over me and bailey. So think about what yoiunsay next time and don't bother replying or even saying I was going to be a bad mother because I am not you and I would've been a great mum!!."
Without a word she walked away. I looked to the sky and some sun came out. See I don't believe oin god but I believe that there's heaven ands hell. I just wish my baby boy wasn't up there. I got in the car and me and baileys first song came on. It was called small bump (_a/n I know its ed sheerans but just pretend because it makes sense) I wrote it. I couldn't help it.
Next week I have a doctors appointment. Grrr. I don't want to go. That means I have to have needles. I do NOT like needles. I swear to u if I have a wish I wouldn't wish for world peace I would wish for needles to go away. I keep getting heat shocks or something I go hot then cold and then I pass out. I think its just heat stroke but they said its more complicated than that.
"Bailey"
He came running down the stairs because he was excited.
"Kayyyyy!!!!"
Well that wasn't how I saw it in my head.I imagined him running down and sitting next to me.
"Brandon has a girlfriend"
"Aww that's cute who is she"
"Her names nyrah and she is really pretty and she can dance."
"That's cute because brandon can dance to."
"So Kay I was wondering, I mean your probably going to say no But I want a baby. I know its quite soon and all the stuff that happened to josh and.... Forget I was being inconsiderate about........"
And with that I was gone. The heat was coming. The sweat was watering and my palms were sweaty. I went to get my drink but I was gone.
