Betty Bunhead {Hemmings Au}

twenty-three

{Sage's POV}

It was finally here. Well, almost here. The actual show week starts tomorrow, but today is our final rehearsal. Because I'm only in the second half Mr. Irwin told the staff that I would be late. They didn't know it was because of therapy, but they knew he was okay with it.

So I am currently on my way to therapy right now and I am scared shitless. This week Dr. Rose is doing "private assessments" so that way she can talk to us personally about our past free from the judging minds of other teens. Mine happened to be today. I'm all for some one-on-one time, but I've never really talked about it and it worries me. I walk into the building to find Dr. Rose waiting outside her room for me.

"Sage, hi, are you ready?" She asks with a wide smile. I nod and her smile grows. "Well, lets get started." She claps her hands together and leads me into her large office. She is in an incredibly good mood and I wish I was as well.

We walk in and I notice how quaint the entire office is, making it seem a lot easier to be able to open up to someone. Dr. Rose sits and motions for me to sit on the couch adjacent of her. God this is so much like stereotypical therapy and I hate it. I hate the fact that I have to do this, I don't want to tell her. I don't want to tell anyone.

"Alright Sage, this is about you so just start whenever you're ready." Dr. Rose says soothingly, almost sounding like a mother.

"Where do I begin?" I ask, mostly to myself. She shrugs.

"That really is up to you alright. Whatever you feel comfortable with and anything that you think may have lead up to this." Dr. Rose spoke. I nodded before clearing my throat.

"Well, growing up, at least until I was about seven, I spent the summers at my dad's in Las Vegas, and the rest of the year with my mother. I was always into dancing but one day when I was younger and went to a show, something in me changed. And at that moment I knew that all I wanted was to be a Prima Ballerina.

"My trips to see my dad were shortened so I could spend more time at the studio. Dad didn't mind, he was happy to see me with a goal, even if I was eight. I have a half brother named Ricky who lived with our mother always, well at least when he wasn't out partying. At nine I got my first pair of pointe shoes. I loved them. I'd come home late, with bloodied feet, and feel fantastic. I felt like I was going to become something great. Although when I was nine I wasn't as excited, but I still loved it.

"Ricky was such a great brother. He always made sure I had a ride to or from the studio. Mother was ecstatic to finally have a child to parade around. You see, in the Upper East Side, status mattered, and mother was all about high status. She somehow had connections with a person in administrations at The New York City Ballet Company. I'm not really sure who or what they were because at ten I wasn't that worried. All I knew was that great things were expected of me and if I do well I would be able to join the company at seventeen.

"Things were going great until one year. I was practicing for a big showcase and fell and hurt my ankle. Not wanting to be booted out of the show I acted like I was fine, although I was far from it. That night I went with Ricky to a party, I did that quite a lot because if I was there he wouldn't get too drunk. My pain was becoming unbearable so during the party I went upstairs and found an empty bedroom. I sat alone and cried for a long time before someone came into the room.

"This guy named Travis saw my distraught body and was very kind and a great listener. He told me that his friend who lives here got in a car crash and got amazing pain pills. Travis said that there should still be some in his bathroom so he went and checked. There was. I was given a large handful in a zip-lock bag. He told me to take around three every few hours and that the pills were called Vicodin. Once I was home that night I took the amount he said. I felt great.

"So instead of waiting for my foot to heal I danced on it, a lot. The bag of pills from Travis only lasted a couple of weeks before I needed more. I really needed more. I had major withdrawals and couldn't take it. So I found Travis and asked him for more. And luckily, he had some. This time though, he charged me for them. I had some money saved up so I bought quite a bit. This went on for a while Travis and I becoming closer.

"We got so close in fact that I lost my virginity to him. I, of course being the naive girl I was, believed we were in love. Travis however, did not think this. Eventually I tried to have us be more than an occasional hookup. He didn't want that. When I threatened him with the fact that I was a minor he didn't even flinch. Because he knew that he could tell people about the pills. So I kept my mouth shut, and my wallet open.

"One day I went to the hospital because I got cut and it would not stop bleeding. The doctors didn't know what was wrong so they ran tests. I also had very critical liver damage. They found the Vicodin in my blood and told mother. She was not very proud to say the least. She and Ricky both felt guilty. Her for not being around enough and Ricky for taking me to the party. I don't blame them not at all.

"We all decided I should go live with my dad and go to rehab in Vegas. I was honestly excited to get away, but I was worried about my dancing career. Mother said that New York City Ballet turned my application invalid after they found out about the drugs. But in Las Vegas I went to a ballet company and fell right back into my place." I said, taking a deep breath. "Wow that was a lot to say." Dr. Rose nodded.

"I'm proud of you Sage, you really opened up, and now that I know you I can help you make sure you stay sober." She smiled fondly. We spent the rest of the hour talking about things that may become possible triggers to me and how to avoid them. I told her about the show and how excited I was. I also talked about Luke. I talked about him for quite some time. Dr. Rose told me I'm about as passionate about Luke as I am about ballet. I scoffed loudly in response.

After therapy I rushed back to the Academy for rehearsals, man am I excited. Ballet is my passion and I feel like I haven't performed in forever. And so many people are coming to see me. Mother, dad, Ricky, and Luke. Luke. I haven't seen him since we had sex. Sure we text and call, but no physical contact and I miss it. Why do I miss it? I still need to tell him about Christmas. What if he doesn't want to come. Why does the thought of that make me so sad. And why am I thinking about these things when I need to focus on ballet. Come one Sage, get your head in the game.

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A/N: HSM reference haha. okay i am soooooooo sorry for being so shitty at updates, this chapter is fairly long so i hope it makes up for it.

this chapter is dedicated to sauceagram bc you should all go read her mikey story okay? bc its great ily lex!

btw i totes wanna start doing dedications so like vote and comment and stuff and ill at you and stuff

XOXO- 5sos on tour fucking kills me