En Hiver [ZhouWen/ZheJun]

Epilogue

Warning: mature content

Gong Jun couldn't remember the last time he celebrated a holiday. He couldn't remember the last time he bought ornaments or decorated the fences with fairy lights. His memories of the last time he lit up the Christmas tree had gone too old, they were too far away in the past, almost forgettable, but Zhehan appeared and blew the thick dust away, reminding him how it feels like to be happy over little things like a roasted chestnut or a sip of rosé, granting him back the lively spirit that comes along cooking a homemade dinner, telling stories over wine, and sharing a blanket by the fireplace.

He had someone to call his name, to laugh with and cry to. He was no longer lonely, and no longer alone.

Gong Jun blinked, catching himself staring yet again at Zhehan's eyelashes and how they shaded his skin from the light of the flames. His features were so soft in the dim fire, his lips glistened with leftover wine that he later licked away, and Gong Jun felt jealous of the glass that just touched his lips.

"Why did you buy chestnuts?" Zhehan asked, oblivious of Gong Jun's gaze as he struggled to peel one, slightly burning his fingers in the process, "They're so hard to peel. Walnuts are easier to crack and much more delicious."

"Let me." Gong Jun hung the last ornament on the Christmas tree and took the chestnut from Zhehan's hand, his fingers sneakily brushing over the other's skin. He continued to peel the chestnut and giggled to himself, remembering a silly memory.

"What's funny?" Zhehan pouted, blindly fumbling with the rest of the chestnuts as he looked at Gong Jun adoringly.

It's been two months since they first met, Zhehan had returned home after staying two nights at Gong Jun's house when he arrived there for the first time that stormy night. It was hard for Gong Jun to let him go and Zhehan could sense the desperation and fear in his voice when he tried to convince him to stay, but they've exchanged numbers and Zhehan assured him that he'll come back after he recovers, video-calling him every day, sometimes every hour, until he finally surprised Gong Jun by knocking at his door just few days before Christmas Eve. He came wearing a Santa hat, holding snowman plushies, walking completely fine, carrying bags and bags of decorations and a bottle of wine.

He came wearing the brightest smile, and Gong Jun's only holiday wish came true.

"I wanted to buy walnuts for us both, but A-Xu hated walnuts a lot, so I decided to buy chestnuts instead, I didn't want you to-"

"Of course." Zhehan gulped the wine he just poured and stood up, throwing the raw chestnut he was holding back on the table. It clicked loudly, startling Gong Jun into dropping the half peeled one from his hand. He glanced up in confusion but Zhehan wasn't looking back, his eyes seemed lost in the fire, in them a spark of angry flames of their own.

"Zhehan?" Gong Jun tried to hold his hand but Zhehan shifted, still silent. "Hanhan, what's wrong?"

It's been two months but Gong Jun still couldn't change his habit of comparing Zhehan to A-Xu or vice versa. Zhehan had overlooked it at first and tried his best to understand him, he'd sucked up the pain and still flashed a smile even when Gong Jun had called him 'A-Xu' twice. But now he was already falling for him, and the longer Gong Jun took to forget A-Xu, the more Zhehan couldn't keep ahold of his heart. A-Xu this, A-Xu that. It was frustrating and Zhehan couldn't bear it any longer.

"How much longer will you keep doing this?" Zhehan suddenly asked, tone sharp. "I'm trying to understand you and I do, but it's becoming unbearable..."

"Do what?" Gong Jun furrowed his brows, confused and panicked, "What did I do?"

"You keep comparing me to him and you've called me by his name twice." Zhehan spoke, indifferent. "I gave you time but I can't keep on like this any longer, maybe I should give you more space and let you think of it for a while, of who you really want..."