BITTER ❪ novel ! ❫

bitter

LONDON tried to look like he was busy as he walked past a large crowd so he wouldn't have to greet anyone. But he still had around an hour until he boarded the plane back home, so he was rather unsure what to do with the time. 

As he walked past a Starbucks, he felt in his pocket his wallet and decided he needed to get some coffee. Some might say that the afternoon is too late for coffee, but not for London, he sipped his black coffee, not really minding how bitter the drink was. London slowly walked towards his waiting zone and sat down, enjoying the silence that he found it so rare to hear. 

London sighed to himself rather loudly, winter break was ending and he didn't feel like going back to school. After spending a week in New York, he knew he would have trouble getting used to homework and quizzes. He was going to miss the busy streets of New York. He hadn't even arrived home and he already felt stressed out and anxious.

He rummaged through his backpack, 

I swear I must have brought something to kill time with.

London reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone as it vibrated for the twentieth time that day. 

Ugh what is it now?

He rolled his eyes as he saw he had 525 notifications from messages, AND he had been added to a new group chat by one of his friends. He was about to turn his phone off until he noticed a few messages, 

unknown number
who's the new person you added? ._.

isaac
that's london lol

lyn
what? why did you add him? =.=

unknown number
what? get him out. 

unknown number 2
huh, i barely know him ;-;

lyn
exactly, it doesn't make sense for him to be in this chat, not that i have anything against him.

isaac
oof, well y'all certainly hate london lol

unknown number
i've never even talked to him
replying to @isaac

unknown number
why did you add him anyway?

isaac
cause he's my friend ;-;

unknown number 2
ok...

london
❤️🖕🏻
replying to @unknown number

isaac
lol

london
why do y'all hate me so much, what did i do to you? who are you anyway?
replying to @unknown number

unknown number
london london london

isaac
that's sky

london
ew, sky
replying to isaac

London was snapped back to reality as he realized he could board the plane now. He showed his ticket to the attendant and walked onto the plane nonchalantly, dragging his suitcase. Sitting down in his row, he pulled out his phone again and checked messages and was glad the conversation had moved on to something else. As he surveyed the plane, he realized he had an entire row to himself and down inside, he felt pretty happy. 

His family was back home waiting for him, they had insisted to stay home and watch over the dog but he figured he could spend some time with one of his friends. His friend who had came with him bought a different plane ticket though, so he was really all alone. Not that he minded, he always felt like he was almost a burden on other people. It made him feel a little sad that there was people who genuinely disliked him and would go to some standards just so they could avoid him. His friends called him anti-social, his teachers called him cynical, and his parents said he had an overly negative perspective in life. Of course it was all fun and teasing, but sometimes he wondered if anyone genuinely liked him. 

Perhaps not.

He shook his head and scrolled down the chat, nothing caught his attention. People liked to say that he was overly private and aloof, and that he didn't know how to socialize. But it wasn't that he couldn't socialize, it was just that he didn't find enough people interesting enough to socialize with. It was also his complicated feeling about humanity and his introverted self telling him to stay away from people and to avoid getting judged. 

To London, some people just weren't worth his time, so he wouldn't waste it on them. But he knew that people didn't necessarily like him, and while he could seem so aloof and cold, he really did care what others thought. It bothered him to know that sometimes he couldn't please everyone. It bothered him that people could really dislike him so much as to avoid talking to him. It wasn't like he had problems. But of course some things spoke for themselves. He opened the Settings app, deep in thought, pulling on his dark bangs, it was a habit he did when he felt anxious or bored.

You can't make everyone happy. But he felt so anxious, always so anxious in crowds. Maybe it seemed that he was emotionless and maybe it seemed like he was a diva that couldn't care less about your life problems. But London had a conscience, he was not a sociopath as some may think, he was not a nerd as some may think, he was not an emo as some may think. London flipped on airplane mode on his phone and buckled his seatbelt as he felt the plane start moving. He craved social interaction, but couldn't handle it either. 

With mixed up, jumbled feelings, London felt his head spinning with thoughts. He liked to think that he was indifferent about others, but that could never really be true. He cared about what others thought too much and he knew it. He pushed his glasses up and looked out the window, slipping his phone back into his pocket. The sinking sensation he felt wasn't because of the plane taking off, the nauseating feeling left a bad taste in his mouth as he tried to grasp ahold of who he truly was and what people had against him. Sometimes the world could be unfair, but life is just unfair. 

As the plane took off from New York, London felt a feeling he couldn't really describe. 

He was feeling bitter. 

 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❝ stupid me , thinking i was good enough ❞