Loki Imagines

Feel Something

Loki regrets leaving the moment his feet cross the threshold.

If he had tried hard enough, he probably could have turned around in time before the door closed, probably could have had enough time to see her just one more time. Loki, though, is used to steeling himself against goodbyes, and he keeps his eyes ahead. He'd never willingly show weakness like that, to turn around and admit that he's been in the wrong, so he doesn't. He thinks then that it might be one of the biggest mistakes he's ever made.

Or, the biggest mistake happened around an hour earlier, when the door opened and he didn't get up from his seat. When Loki could hear tired footsteps echoing into the hall, could practically sense the fatigue and worry radiating from the woman he's supposed to love, and he didn't go to her.

Instead, he sat there in his normal place in the room, one finger pressed against the spine of his book as he read. Loki waited for the sound of keys being put away and jackets being hung up to finally stand and greet her. There had been a time, once, when he would have gotten up immediately, helped his dear Y/N L/N out of her coat and asked about how she was feeling, what she'd done that day, all of that.

It's been a long time since those days. Loki is used to the passage of time, used to watching things change like the seasons. In time, even the brightest feelings fade, and crumple to the floor underfoot like the fall leaves he can still see through the windows of his home. Loki tries to muster up some sort of welcome, to fool his heart into skipping a beat just like he's fooled the hearts of others. It doesn't work for long. That's the problem about having something good, isn't it? After a while, you get used to it, and after a while, that spark of excitement and passion becomes normal and leaves you.

The issue here is that this spark was what drew Loki to Y/N in the first place, probably the reason he ever fell in love with her at all. Without it there- well, he just can't fake it anymore. Is that really his fault, or time's? Loki crosses the floor, not entirely hearing his own footsteps. He can see Y/N entering the room, and goes to her on some automatic impulse. His arms find her waist and pull her in, like he's a marionette pulled on strings. If he feels nothing, is that terribly awful of him?

Y/N must sense it, because she leans away after a moment, stepping around him to wash her hands at the sink. The water comes away stained a muted sort of copper- she's back from a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, then. Y/N glances at him over her shoulder, one eyebrow raised. "How was your day?"

Belatedly, Loki realizes that this is what he's supposed to be asking her. He clears his throat for a second before coming up with something to say. "Not bad. I was speaking with Thor about a few things over at Stark's Tower. How was yours?" Y/N gives a shuddery sort of half smile that tells Loki it's been very, very bad. He used to be able to figure out that sort of thing from the sound of her footsteps alone, whether they were fast or slow or quiet. Loki doesn't know when he forgot how to do that, but he doesn't think he's been able to do it in a while.

"Stressful, mainly. I just got back from a quick extraction, and I'll be having a new project coming up soon." Y/N takes a seat at the nearby table, her head slumping into her hands. "They haven't told me much, which means that it will probably be bad. They say I'll be gone for a few days." A derisive snort escapes Loki before he remembers himself. It's too late for coverups, though- Y/N's eyes are already narrowing.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asks. Loki shrugs, picking up a glass from earlier and turning it in his hand to see how the light shines through it. "Nothing. Just that I'm surprised to see that all this stress is coming from what, finding out that you'll spend two days away from home? That's practically no time at all."

Y/N's gaze turns cold, and she shakes her head slowly. "Forget it. I should have known better than to think that I could ever get sympathy from you." Loki frowns. "What do you mean by that?" Y/N leans back against her chair, fixing him with a piercing stare. "You know damn well what it means. You haven't been like yourself recently. You don't mean it when you smile, you don't pay attention when I talk, any of it. I'm surprised you even bothered to get up at all when I came in."