Unlikely Life

How it all began

Hi. My name is Layton Hopson (a picture of me is shown above). I am 29 years old and I live in California. My life is practically perfect. I have money, a large home, a good job.... but there's one small thing.

I'm really fucking lonely. 

It's been this way for as long as I can remember. My parents never had the time to pay attention to me when I was a kid because they were out making money to support our family. I know *sigh* It's tragic. Doesn't it make you feel bad for me? HAH! Who am I kidding- OF COURSE IT DOES. It always got me wondering how I've never managed to score a girlfriend. I'm actually REALLY attractive... and girls are supposed to be easy right? Oh well. 

This lonesome life was getting extremely tiring, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Or so I thought. 

One very quiet night, I was sitting alone in my large penthouse, dreaming about a happy relationship. I was beginning to grow sad when I spotted a book shoved under my coffee table. I slowly rose from my throne-esque velvet purple armchair and made my way over to the table. Reaching down, I grabbed the book and blew the dust off of it. The cover read "Hopson Family History". Ugh- this shit looks boring as hell. Did my grandma drop this is here when she died or something? Whatever- I guess I'll read it. I have nothing better to do anyways. 

I opened the book and saw that different sections of it were clearly labeled. I quickly skipped past the family tree portion. That was irrelevant- I cut off my family years ago. I flipped to the "family secrets" tab. "Oh?" I said with curiosity. This was getting interesting. The pages were filled with a majority of lame at-home remedies for sickness and such. My excitement was dying down and my disappointment was growing. What kind of "secrets" are these? But that's when I turned to the last the last page of the section and saw something that would change my life forever.