Who Am I |WMMAP

Chapter 1- Past Life

"Hahh, I'm so hungry." I sighed, the loud grumble of my stomach barely helping with the emptiness that took root like an uninvited visitor in my belly.

Looking up at the plain white ceiling like it was the most interesting thing there in this plain room of mines, I couldn't help but wonder when the next day would come. "Maybe I should order takeout or something." I thought, patting down the soft beige duvet for my phone.

As usual, nothing, no notification except the usual spam from Gmail and Shein as the warm blue light glowed on my face. "Would they even deliver?" I whispered out loud, my voice barely audible.

It was a stormy day, with the loud pitter-patter of rain tapping against the misty window and asphalt. The wind billowed through the trees outside, and thunder boomed. Even through all that, my 'dear' mother still wasn't answering her phone, no matter how much I called earlier.

"She must be having fun.." A thought ran through my head, a humorless chuckle leaving my parted lips. This was not the first time my mother would ignore my call; hell, it was like I never existed. After she divorced my dad for her new boy toy, I ceased to exist completely. Like a ghost haunting the halls of her new life.

Whether it was on a family trip, cooking dinner, Christmas, or just a regular day at home, she was always too preoccupied to pay attention to me. Every word, cry, and plea went unanswered; the only sign she could see me—that I was still on her mind, at least, was when she left money on the table for me to buy food, toys, or whatever this foolish heart of mines desired.

Maybe that's why I always saw myself through Jenette's lenses or Athy's one in LP. Naïve and pitiful, but still hopeful for a love that would never come. I bit down on my bottom lip, glancing around the room to stop the moisture from welling up in my eyes. "Damn this all." I threw my phone to the side, not caring where it landed as I sat up.

Walking over to my adjacent closet, I picked out a basic yellow raincoat and threw it over my dress. A simple pale-greenish overall with a whitish shirt underneath before slipping on my slippers and walking out. I felt stuffy in this house that treated me like I was a stranger. As if she didn't spend the first three years of my wasteful life loving me before casting me aside like a broken doll that was no longer fun to play with.

—A few minutes later—

Without a sense of direction, I walked aimlessly under the vastness of the cloudy gray skies above and somehow made it to the convenience store. Its warm, luminescent light illuminated nearby slightly as the bell above the door jingled, welcoming me inside.

The cheerful smile of the cashier, an old woman in her 50s, welcomed me with a warm smile. "The usual?" she questioned. I simply nodded as I watched her pace around, and a few minutes later, a steaming plate of food was handed to me.

Handing her the cash, I made a slight bow before trudging out, not wanting to seem disrespectful, but I was not in the mood to speak. Hell, I was hungry but not even in the mood to eat either.

A bitter tang filled my mouth as I looked around, taking in the high-pitched giggles of two close friends as they chattered about something I couldn't quite make out. Longing—I wish—no hope that someday I could be like them too, carefree and happy.

But I long wasted those chances. Adjusting the thick black-framed glasses on my nose, I continued to let my feet guide me through the bustling city, feeling like an outsider in my own skin.

I knew I wasn't the prettiest of the bunch, pale with freckles adorning my face, unappealing glasses, and two brown, scraggly braided pigtails that seemed to never quite look right, no matter how much I tried to fix them. In the end, I gave up. Adjusting my coat, I felt my throat bobbing a little before glancing down at the hot plate of food in my hand, fresh dew clinging to the plastic from the rain.

"Haaaa" A long, soft sigh left my parted lips as I slowly looked up. The piercing shrieks and shouts of nearby passengers shouting at me to watch out as a black speeding car came rushing straight towards me. "...!" I was stunned, my body frozen like the massive glaciers of Antarctica. 

The loud screeching of tires filled my ears as tires and shattering glass echoed in the air. Silence. The crowd went silent as the sickening thud of my body hitting the cold, damp pavement reverberated through the night.

The broken shards dug into me as I lay limp, feets away from where I last was. "...?" I tried to move my hand, to look around or just question what the hell just happened as the world started spinning in dizzying circles around me.

My body felt heavy—the metallic stench of blood. MY blood hitting my nose enough to make me nauseous. "..Is this the end?" I thought as hot tears welled up in my dim brown eyes. "I don't want to be alone."

"H—P-Pleease, hheelp m" I tried to plead to the man who quickly crouched down at my side, my voice coming out as a weak whisper. He looked to be in his early 20s, dark brown eyes dark and terrified. He was shaking like a leaf in the billowing wind. My bloodied hands clinging tightly to his as he screamed for someone to call 911.

That was the last sound I heard before my vision faded to black, my hand loosening its grip on his as he quivered away on the sidewalk, clearly traumatized by such a sight.

-994 words-

Updates: 12/23/21- 12/26/21- 1/25/22 - 3/29/24 (Hope my writing improved :) been practicing alot)