Coats
I want to set my skin on fire,
In all the places that he touched me.
There is a pain so deep inside of me,
No surgery short of tearing open my chest and removing all my organs could eliminate.
My soul,
If you believe in them,
Is drowning,
Under the Pressure
Of trying to be okay.
I stuff my face,
For when my belly is full,
I am less empty.
I hear words,
See a face,
Or the same colour as the dress I was wearing,
And my body breaks all over again,
A pain that is not seen
By professors, family or even myself.
I lock it all up.
Hide everything beneath my raincoat
But when it is as drenched as this,
It is so
Heavy
And darling it is no longer raining.
I shrug it off, let it slide from my shoulders,
I raise my feet and stamp on it.
The residue rain splashes the top of my ankles.
I am ready to stop hiding,
I let go,
I walk away,
Finally,
Without guilt,
The pain you caused in me can not chase me,
I squish it like a fucking bug
And say Good Riddance
He is gone for many months yet still this coat clung to me.
I am trapped in the pain, guilt, shame,
Of my own fucking body
Which did nothing but love,
so stupidly.
A love you ripped to pieces when you came,
When you entered my body.
I could've screamed my no, you never would've heard. All you could hear was the
Blood
pumping
Through your own body,
Like a wild and vile animal
