No Strings Attached || ON HOLD

Chapter 18

(Reader's POV)

We've been in the room for a couple of days now. All I've done is lie in bed. Nothing else makes me feel better. I'm not ready to face them yet.

Anna keeps telling me that I should pull myself together. That it's in the past. The storm has passed. But I don't know why I feel so detached. The truth is, I rarely know myself now.

The situation was handled well by Taehyung. A proper conference was held by Hybe officials to clear up the issue. Everything was resolved by then. From what I heard, Taehyung was pretty upset about it and even lashed out at haters on Twitter. But he too has accepted it and calmed down after realizing it's a part of being a celebrity.
It was a scandal quick to come and quick to pass. People moved on.

Apparently, rumors brew up all the time, don't they?

All was at ease now. But I feel hollow.

In the whole situation, I was reminded I was losing myself. I don't fit into this.

I don't know why I agreed to be friends with benefits with him. Perhaps I shouldn't have.

Because the last night we spent together before it all blew up was an eye-opener for me. That night, we didn't just 'fuck' like we always did...we 'made love'. And I know well the difference between both.

He wasn't just touching my skin, it felt...beyond. More special. More 'personal'.

I have washed over and over again since then but still, I can't seem to get rid of his smell...the smell that makes me think of him in a field of chamomiles, and when his sleepy face lights up in my mind, I can't help but feel a strange warmth inside me. There is a strange familiarity. 

It reminds me of happiness, of all the moments and nights we shared...I'm reminded of his eyes in the afternoon light, a rich brown hue like coffee, and of the feeling of his fingers running through my hair...

And then suddenly, just like that, I can't seem to get him out of my head. All I can think of, all I can see, all I can 'feel', is him.

I want to know about his feelings. I know that night he was acting differently too, we both were in a trance. But my guts won't allow me to ask him if he's feeling the same after I almost ruined his career.

But now I can't deny it to myself any longer.

It's true. I'm catching feelings for Kim Taehyung.

I don't even have the guts to say it out loud, not even to Anna. This is not me. I promised myself that I would never again be fooled by love. I worked hard on myself to make myself cold to love and to limit it to bodily pleasures only. I told myself over and over again not to fall into the trap again. To not re-live the pain of loss after.

But I'm failing miserably. I can feel that I'm slipping through the cracks again.
There is no way I can put on a happy face when the knowledge that I have feelings for Taehyung is killing me on the inside. I can't pretend now.

So I'll try to escape him, to avoid him for as long as I can. It's better for both of us. We were never in a relationship but...

But I think it's time I moved on from him. It's the right thing to do.  It seems impossible, but I have to at least try...

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hey Readers! 

So this update was very short but I wanted to just reserve this chapter as an insight into her mind. she is /was anti-romantic before she met Taehyung and now is going through a hard time accepting that she has feelings for him...I hope you got what I was trying to convey. I will update soon, the story is set to take a serious role now hehe I'm excited about the next chapter! 

Until then, bubye take care! I hope you have a stress-free holiday season! love you~