No Strings Attached || ON HOLD

Chapter 19

(Taehyung's POV)

I feel sick and frustrated for the first time in a long time. Because of work. I almost fought with the members before the concert, and I can tell they are worried about me. Honestly, I'm worried too. This is pure madness.

I haven't spoken to her in days. As far as I know, she is still staying at the hotel. But she refuses to speak to me. It didn't occur to me that she would take things to her heart.

It is unclear why she keeps her distance. Yes, we were caught up in the rumor. But I managed to keep her away from the mess by cleaning it up as soon as possible. So why is she avoiding me like I don't exist?

She sees me as an idol when I see her as more, and I sometimes wonder if that is all she sees. Those are the thoughts that have me in a spin. For me, she is something more. Now that we almost risked it, she must think I'm done with her, that it was all for pleasure. That's not true. Instead of ending it, I have only thought of making it something more. 

Having lied from the very start, I regret it today, and I fret over it on sleepless nights. The day that I met her, if I had been honest, we wouldn't be apart. Seeing her in Rome made my heart flutter, and the feeling has grown ever since. Regardless, I waited for it to pass, for the 'infatuation' to end. It wasn't long before she became a habit I couldn't break.

Despite knowing she may not feel the same, I still get the urge to confess. As a bitter reminder of how only I care about her, her words about not wanting love and relationships continually echo in my head. I feel like a fool, wanting her still.

The concerts now feel like a formality, and the press conferences and shoots trigger me. Because all I can think about all day is Y/N. I'm scared. The secret I'm keeping inside about my feelings is killing me. Consequently, the members are suffering as well. My life is at a crossroads, but I cannot move forward. Because I know if I end what is between us, I will inevitably break apart. I can't move on.

After the concert, the ride back to the hotel is silent. After messing up the lyrics, I apologize for my mistakes. Eventually, the fans will be able to tell that I am no longer enjoying public appearances. I have to put on a smile for the sake of that team, but I really want to disappear from the spotlight. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I don't know what to call it. Jimin says I love her...but the feeling is so much more intense, even 'love' falls short.

Upon reaching the hotel, I change and get back to doing what I have been doing the last two nights. Jin Hyung tries to convince me to stop, saying it's silly. To me, it isn't silly. I want to show her how much she means to me, I want to show he or she is more than someone I just want for pleasure. I want to show her I care and am willing to wait for her for as long as it takes.

With my back against the door of her room, I sit in the hotel corridor. As the hotel staff told me, Anna checked out this morning, so she's alone in there. She must have gone back to London. To think that Y/N could leave anytime soon gave me chills.

This will be another sleepless night for me. Even if she doesn't come out tonight, I would still call her out. The feeling of knowing she too is pressed against the door on the other side-I can sense it. Just the fact that there isn't much distance between us gives me comfort.

Instead of mumbling her name over and over again, I will sing with all my heart tonight so she feels how much I care through the beauty of music. I press play on my phone regardless of whether it's 1 am in the morning and all of the other people on the floor might be asleep. I sing, "Magic Shop." Nothing could describe the love I have for her better at this moment. Those inner demons must be a struggle for her behind that door, and I know it must be difficult for her to let me see into her heart. Still, I will heal her, even from a distance.

She is my girl, and she will always be, even if she never opens the door for me.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hey Readers!

First off, Happy Birthday Kim Taehyung :D Love you so much, cutie!

My heart beats like crazy for you, and if something happens to it, you have to pay for my medical bills !!!

[Don't smile like that,  I might die!! 😣]

[Damn you are too cute to be angry at hehe ~]

I'm sorry for releasing a sad chapter on his bday but this was the next update and I really wanted to update on his bday :')

But I personally relate to his feelings in the chapter a lot- love often brings us to crossroads and it gets overwhelming. and I find it really sweet and mature that he is willing to wait for 'Y/N' to open up instead of being angry at her for shutting him because she didn't want to shut him but our thoughts can make us do things we don't want to. it's important to clear the demons in our heads first.

I hope I was able to convey the feelings of his character well and made it look real because we do silly stuff in love and the way he has been religiously sitting against her door is cute and silly at the same time heh~

I'm excited about the next update, until then, take care!

A very happy new year! sending you some extra sparkle and love :)

(Since I'm staying in for new years, will make sure to update soon hehe)