Turn Up The Bright Lights

Now The Party's Over (Baekhyun Interlude)

When the singer was literally pushed from the stage by a gun-wielding man in a formal suit, Baekhyun felt his heart stop dead in his chest. From the time he was small, he'd had an unreasonable fear of being kidnapped that no one could explain. His parents told him he'd never been taken, or even attempted - they usually tried to lighten the mood by joking that no one would want him, and even if they abducted him they'd be bringing him back within a day or two either way - but that he'd simply walked up to them one day when he was around five or six years old, and announced a petrifying fear of being kidnapped.
It stayed with him his whole life and only seemed to get worse once he debuted with Exo because now he was a public figure, constantly in the eyes of the public. People went crazy over celebrities all the time. It wasn't a constant fear, but it bothered him sometimes when he thought about it.
And now it seemed to be actually happening. Practically unable to breathe past the icy lump of terror that had taken up residence in his chest, he was grateful when Chanyeol asked him no questions and simply assisted him through the stairways and halls that lead back to their rooms. Kris convened them in the largest entertainment room and began pacing while the others took up positions on the furniture. Baekhyun could sense that he was mere minutes away from a full-blown panic attack. Chanyeol put his arm around his shoulders, and for a moment Baekhyun basked in the love and support from his partner and friend. Then the walls felt like they were closing in, and the confinement of Chanyeol's embrace was making everything worse. He barely noticed as Chanyeol scooted a few inches away, only thinking distantly that he was grateful for the space.
He could see the other members reacting with similar emotions. Lay was visibly having the worst trouble, but Suho and Chen flanked him, offering support. The whole room seemed smaller suddenly, and Baekhyun repositioned himself to the nearest window so that he could look out and know that there was enough space.
It was then that it occurred to him that the ship wasn't moving forward. Every other time he'd looked out the window, he could see the distant shore moving slowly as they ploughed their way through the waves. He could make out the far-away lights clearly in the darkness; the ship was stationary. "We've stopped moving," he said, more to himself as if to validate the conclusion. Some of the members rushed to the window and verified it for themselves before the freaking-out took on new dimensions.
Panic took hold of Baekhyun like a vice. It settled around his shoulders, tightened his skull around his brain, and squeezed the breath right out of his lungs. The only thing he could think about was getting away - before something worse happened.
"We have to get off this boat," he said, nearly hyperventilating. All he could see in his mind was the terrorists checking one of the itinerary lists and seeing Exo's names - all twelve of them, what a prize! - and coming for them. It was his worst nightmare and it looked fit to come true. Terror was a physical thing sitting on his chest, and the words bubbled out of him without his brain's input. He fell against the large window and tightened his hands in his hair, suddenly aware that he was making things worse. I have to get ahold of myself, he thought, but the fear was overwhelming.
Kris's voice penetrated the haze. "We are going to lock the doors and stay here," he ordered. Suho stepped up and seconded it, just in case.
Baekhyun lost his mind. "I can't be in here," he said, and made for the door. The words throbbed in his brain in time with his heart: get out! Get out! Get out! He was aware without noticing that the other members were following him.
"Everyone back in the room!" Kris was bellowing. The words didn't penetrate.
He heard Suho as though there was a great distance between them when he yelled, "Baekhyun, don't be an idiot! Get back here!"
And then a well-known voice saying familiar words. "Starling, down!"
He went down before he thought about it, the ingrained habit to obey overwhelming even his panic. It was, he reflected, probably the only thing that could have stopped him. He immediately felt calmer - he'd been given an order and he'd obeyed it. He'd done well.
"What did he say?" Sehun's voice was loud and clear in the sudden peace inside Baekhyun's mind. He immediately realised what was wrong with that sentence, however. Ice cold fury washed the last of the panic right out of his system as he realised Chanyeol had ordered him down - as a sub - right in front of all of Exo. His secret was out. A deep sense of betrayal fought the fury and won, pushing it down. He wanted to collapse to the floor and maybe kick his feet and scream. He was almost dizzy between the rampaging emotions that flooded through him.
Behind him, he heard Kris yelling at Chanyeol. Kris had some idea of his involvement; the entire story had spilled out the night Sarang had orchestrated things so Chanyeol was to be his dom without informing either of them; one of their many fights. Gradually, the rage bubbled over, becoming an elemental force inside his body. The fact that Kris had to remind Chanyeol of his duties as a dom was sickening.
"Tao, get him out of my sight!" Kris's words practically echoed through the hallway. Baekhyun knew he was coming and tried to get himself under control. He'd vacillated so wildly in the last five minutes that he was falling into the beginning stages of exhaustion. "Are you okay?" The Chinese leader's voice was soft and gentle, vastly different from the tone he'd used with Chanyeol. Good, Baekhyun thought. Someone needs to knock some sense into him. If it was him, he wasn't entirely sure he would be able to stop.
"I'm working on it," Baekhyun said in reply to Kris's question. Kris helped him up, and as he turned, he saw Chanyeol on the floor, a devastated expression on his face. It brought everything right back up to the front of his mind and he felt his expression twist in a physical display of his internal turmoil. Chanyeol met his eyes and then jerked back, face white. He watched as Tao reached down to pick Chanyeol up and then there was a door between them and Baekhyun's sight was cut off.
Kris locked the door and stood in front of it with his arms crossed over his chest. "Would you like to explain to me what just happened out there?"
Tears welled up in his eyes even as his lip curled. "Chanyeol broke his promise. What do you think happened?"
Kris loomed. "Do not play games with me right now," he snarled. "We've all had a very stressful evening and I do not need you adding to it!"
A direct order, even from someone he hadn't officially recognised as 'dominant.' He couldn't refuse it. "I'm sorry," he said, and dropped to the floor, his knees pulled up around his chest. He put his arms around his legs and tried to organise his thoughts. "Where do I start? I've always been afraid of that," he said, answering his own rhetorical question. "Being kidnapped. It's all I could think of. I panicked. I'm sorry," he repeated.
Kris dropped down beside him and drew him into an embrace. "It happens, it's okay. So you and Chanyeol promised, what?"
Baekhyun growled under his breath. "He promised - he swore - that it wasn't a lifestyle. That he wouldn't treat me like a sub unless we agreed on it before. If we both go to the club, it's a given. I can accept that. Here, with Exo - it has nothing to do with it. But he might as well have told everyone that I'm a freak and I get off on being told what to do!"
Kris shushed him. "What are you even talking about? No one even understood what happened. All they saw was Chanyeol yelling at you, and you kneeling. Something like the scene - that's outside their experience. They won't connect it to anything. And Baekhyun, look at me."
Baekhyun stared hard at the floor, wishing that he could sink right through the carpet. Kris's hand came up and tilted his chin until their eyes met.
"I said look at me," Kris repeated, fiercely. "You are not a freak. Do you understand me? There is nothing freakish about what you do."
Baekhyun snorted. "You don't even know," he began, but the look in Kris's eyes cut him off before he could finish the thought. He swallowed, suddenly afraid to be in the same room with the tall leader.
"I know more than you seem to think I do. Give me some credit." His eyes narrowed. "Now repeat after me: 'I am not a freak. There is nothing wrong with me.'"
Baekhyun snorted again. "I'm not saying that."
"Say it!"
Cowed, he repeated the words. Something inside him eased as he realised that he almost believed it.
"Now talk to me for a minute. How do you feel about Chanyeol?"
The calm evaporated. "Fuck him! He's been nothing but a headache to me ever since he followed me to the Club. It was nice for a while, but this - this was too much."
Kris raised a brow, a sardonic expression on his face. "Okay, now think back to about an hour ago, before everything went to hell in a handbasket. How did you feel about him then?"
He did as instructed, and tried to remember how he'd felt, laughing over their dinner together. The memory of Chanyeol's smiling face contrasted sharply with the horrified expression Baekhyun had last seen on him. "Happy," he admitted, feeling sullen. "I was happy with him."
"Did you think Chanyeol was a freak before?"
"What? No!"
"He gets off on being told what to do. You said he subbed for Sarang before he started training to ... dom."
Baekhyun's mouth opened as he tried to reply to that statement, and then words abandoned him. Kris was absolutely right. It didn't change anything about Chanyeol ordering him down to stop him from leaving, but suddenly a knot of tension unfurled from his shoulders. "So that doesn't make me a freak," he admitted. "But it doesn't matter. You wouldn't have given in to an order like that. Not in front of everybody."
Kris chuckled. "No," he said. "But I'm not a sub. On one hand, if you look at it right, it could be a good thing."
"What could possibly be good about that?"
"You're a good sub," Kris said. Baekhyun flushed, pleased in spite of himself. "You said it yourself, you were having a panic attack, and he broke you out of it. I promise no one's going to figure it out."
The rest of the fury drained out of him, leaving him exhausted and wrung out. "You're right. I'm sorry for causing a scene." He scowled and climbed back to his feet before turning to help Kris up off the floor. "It doesn't change the fact that he broke his promise."
"Be mad at him later. Get some sleep for now. I'm going to stay here with you; no one should be alone tonight, just in case something happens. Worry about everything tomorrow."