Turn Up The Bright Lights

Dreams In The Darkness (Baekhyun Interlude)

Baekhyun leaned back against the arm of the couch and tried not to let on how worried he was. The other members were shooting him nervous glances, not quite saying anything - but then, they didn't have to. It was after midnight. Chanyeol had been gone for hours.
He wanted to go to sleep, but sitting in the empty room was a harsh reminder that his overreaction had driven Chanyeol away. And he couldn't blame it on the rapper - it was entirely his own fault. Chanyeol scared him, that night in the club. Scared him so badly that when the fear wore off, it turned into anger.
Anger he'd taken out on Chanyeol.
Which had driven him further away. Since he couldn't sleep in the empty room, he spent most of his nights dozing on the couch. The other members had talked to him about it, asking about the fight, asking and asking over and over why Baekhyun couldn't just let it go and make up with Chanyeol. And since he couldn't explain about the club...
He knew the managers were going to get involved soon. He'd resolved to sit down and at least apologise to Chanyeol, but the other singer had walked out the door just after five that evening and still wasn't back. The rest were gathered in the living room around a movie, but they were all reluctant to part, and Baekhyun knew why - they were all waiting for - and dreading - the phone call that might come at any minute, telling them that something serious had happened.
A car accident. A mugging. Something more serious. There were a hundred thousand things that could go wrong in the city, and Baekhyun was on the edge of his seat thinking about all of them. He knew Chanyeol was depressed; it had been sweet, kind-hearted Kyungsoo who'd looked it up on the internet and told him that Chanyeol's newfound habit of sleeping fifteen hours a day whenever he could get away with it was a sign of depression. He'd also added that not sleeping was another sign, and he'd used the information to start another well-meaning conversation about making up, forgiving the hurtful words they'd both flung at each other over the last few weeks, and moving on.
The sound of his phone ringing cut through his thoughts like a hot knife through butter. Baekhyun felt his stomach hit his feet even as his heart leapt up into his throat. He didn't want to answer it. Didn't want to know what happened.
Kai, in the guise of being helpful, prodded him. "Baekhyun, your phone."
Numb, Baekhyun pulled it from his pocket and answered without looking at the name. "Hello."
"Starling my darling." Sarang's voice took him off guard. He'd been expecting the police, or at best, the manager. "We'd be much obliged if you'd come collect your friend. I don't know where you live, and I'm afraid to let him out on his own."
"What?"
Immediately, the other members were practically on top of him. "What is it? Is Chanyeol okay? Is it the cops?"
Baekhyun might have laughed if he could get his mind around it. The others were worried about the exact same thing he was. He waved them off. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean he came in here a few hours ago and told Angelique he wanted to get falling-down drunk, and he's succeeded. He needs to go home, and we don't know where you live."
"Why?"
Sarang sighed, a heavy, long-suffering sound. "Do I have to make this an order? Get your ass down here and get him home."
"I'm on my way," Baekhyun said, not even stopping to think. At least he was alive.
Suho stopped him before he could even get off the couch. "Was that about Chanyeol? Where is he?"
Baekhyun blinked, realising the rest were crowded around and waiting for his answer. "Uh, a friend's house," he lied smoothly. "They told me to come get him."
"I'll go with you." At least three voices made the offer. Baekhyun panicked. He couldn't lead them to SiyahSarang's, it would ruin everything.
"That's okay, it's not far. I'll be right back. And I'll take my phone with me." He laid a subtle emphasis on the words, scolding an absent Chanyeol for forgetting his mobile. He was up and out the door before anyone else could protest or argue, and hurried down the stairs instead of taking the elevator in case any of them tried to follow him.
The twenty-minute walk passed in seconds. Siberian didn't even stop him; the doorman simply saw him coming and stepped back, holding the door open for him. He burst into the nearly-empty club like a whirlwind, and paused only long enough to find Chanyeol sitting at the bar. Angelique and Sarang were holding him up, talking to him. Fury descended on him like a red mist, and for a moment he nearly let it get the better of him.
He took a moment to stop and breathe. Starting a fight wouldn't do any good. When he was sure he could talk to them without starting a screaming match, he crossed the floor and came up to the trio. "Chanyeol," he said, and congratulated himself on keeping his voice level. "Where have you been? We're worried about you."
"Funny," Chanyeol said, focusing on him with difficulty. "I would have thought you'd have been happier if I fell under a bus." He swayed gently on the stool, and Sarang stepped closer to make sure he didn't topple off it.
Baekhyun flinched. "That's not true," he said quietly. "Come on, you need to come home now."
"Home is where the heart is, right? So that means I'm home right now."
It hurt. It hurt like hell. With a supreme effort, Baekhyun kept it from showing on his face. "Your heart is here in this club?"
"Sure is," Chanyeol said, with the ghost of his old cocky smile tugging at his lips. "Right here at the bottom of one of Angelique's bottles of booze."
Angelique shook her head in reply to his unspoken question when he looked at her. "He's drunk, Starling. He's been drinking steadily since about nine this evening."
"And you let him?"
"He needed it." It was all she would say. Baekhyun knew from experience that that was the most he was going to get out of her.
Baekhyun took Chanyeol's arms and tugged him off the bar stool, supporting his weight when he would have fallen flat on his face. It was depressingly reminiscent of the night they'd spent here together - the night that revealed Chanyeol's lies to him. "Can you tell me why you felt the need to disappear and then get drunk?"
"I'm a disgusting person and I deserve to die."
The words were so matter of fact that it took Baekhyun a moment to absorb their meaning. He nearly stumbled, himself. "What?" With an effort, he got them moving. Chanyeol looked up at him - possible only because he was listing so far to the side he was about to pull them both down - and gave a twisted smile.
"I did a bad thing." When it looked like that was all he was going to say, Baekhyun cast around for something to say. This was the most civil a conversation they'd had in days. Possibly weeks. Neither of them was yelling yet.
"Okay, what did you do?"
"Something so ugly that I hate myself right now. It was worse than lying to you and fighting with you. You hate me, too. So I just wanted to make it go away for a little while. Angelique is so nice. I love her."
Baekhyun choked. "Angelique is a man."
"Men can love men," Chanyeol announced indignantly. "Besides, she wants to be seen and treated as a woman. It's the least I can do. She's a good friend." He sighed gustily. "I wish I were in love with her instead. It might even be easier."
"Easier than what? What are you even talking about?"
Chanyeol leaned back and looked up, nearly overbalancing them both again. "I love someone who doesn't know," he confided. "I didn't even know it was love until Angelique told me tonight. And because I didn't even know, heh- they don't even know. And it'll never be more than one-sided. And I did something terrible."
Baekhyun despaired of getting any sense out of him. Surprisingly, however, instead of getting angry, he found himself... amused. Drunk Chanyeol was a funny Chanyeol. "So this one-sided love lead you to do something bad?"
"No. Well, yes. I didn't find out about the love until after, but when I was thinking about it, I knew that I did the bad thing because of the love."
"What does that even mean? What did you do?"
"I fucked some girl," Chanyeol declared. "I don't even know her name. I found her in a bar and she was pretty so I fucked her, and then I felt like a whore, so I went and talked to Angelique."
Jealousy sank through him like a white-hot knife, carving open his chest and spilling his blood invisibly onto the ground. It took every ounce of self-control he had left not to start another screaming match. "Why would you do that?"
Chanyeol rolled his head around to look him in the eye. "Are you stupid or deaf?" he asked. "I just told you. I love someone impossible."
"You're being impossible," Baekhyun muttered, making an effort to be the bigger person - and because he was not going to lose an argument with a drunk man - and not react with anger over his words. After a moment, it didn't take any effort. Chanyeol could barely stand upright, much less walk straight, and all of his concentration went towards getting them safely out the door. Manhandling the inebriated rapper against the wall for support, he dug his phone out of his pocket and texted the others, telling Kai to move Chanyeol's mattress back into their room. If he woke up sober, and still depressed, he could move it back if he wanted, but Baekhyun wasn't letting Chanyeol out of his sight until the alcohol burned off.
And deep down inside, he didn't want the other man to be alone. He would have trusted Jongin and Kyungsoo with his life, but there was no way he was going to trust them with Chanyeol's.

There was an uproar when they arrived back at the dorm, but Baekhyun - and Kyungsoo, god bless his nurturing soul - managed to get Chanyeol inside and into the bedroom with almost no trouble. Suho was positively frothing at the mouth, he was so angry, but Sehun drew him aside and redirected his emotion towards worry, something else Baekhyun was grateful for. By that time, Chanyeol was pretty much asleep on his feet, and it didn't take much maneuvering to get him into the bed, and get his shoes off.
"Roll onto your side," Baekhyun said, pushing him. Chanyeol grumbled unintelligibly. "Roll, now!"
"Like a buffalo," Chanyeol slurred, but obeyed. He cracked one eye open and gazed blearily at Baekhyun in silence for a long moment. "Why?"
"In case you throw up, you don't choke yourself to death." He felt the idiot was implied with his tone and didn't need to be said.
"Oh. Thank you."
Baekhyun blinked in surprise, but before he could form a reply, Chanyeol was snoring lightly. The feeling, the presence of another body in the room - of Chanyeol in the room, specifically - was a long-forgotten comfort. He lay on his side, watching the rapper sleep, and it wasn't long before he started to drift off, himself. Later, he told himself he'd dreamed what came next.
Out of the darkness, Chanyeol murmured, "Thank you," again. Then, "I love you."