Turn Up The Bright Lights

The Arrangement

Chapter Twenty One – Baekhyun Interlude
They announced the decision that night over dinner.  Luhan would be coming to stay for six months with Exo-K in an effort to promote unity, and in exchange, Chanyeol would take his place in Exo-M.  They all knew it was just a pretense, and that the real reason was Chanyeol and Baekhyun's issues.
But Sehun looked so overwhelmingly pleased at the news, and even Luhan was smiling and happy, that none of the older members could deny them.  And so, within the week, Luhan went back to Exo-K's dorm, and Chanyeol flew back to China with the rest of Exo-M.  Baekhyun couldn't believe what a difference it made, not having Chanyeol there.  He had been living under a constant cloud of irritation that sometimes billowed up into outright anger at the way Chanyeol had treated him, and when he thought about it, he became aggravated at himself for treating Chanyeol just as badly.  But he'd never imagined that Chanyeol would flee the country in order to get away from him.
Making things worse, Luhan and Sehun were constantly together.  Suho moved in with Baekhyun so that Sehun could be with Luhan even when they slept.  It was almost possible to watch their relationship blossoming, even as Baekhyun's life was withering on the vine.  It made him even bitterer, and got so bad that the others stopped inviting him out with them, and he took to spending most of his time in his room.
About two weeks into the separation, Baekhyun got over himself by main force, and deliberated started hanging out with the others again.  It wasn't too much longer before he found himself whining.
"I wonder what Exo-M is up to...?"
Luhan laughed.  "Probably trying to teach Chanyeol to speak Mandarin.  It's not exactly easy to learn."
Baekhyun's face twisted as he tried to imagine how Chanyeol was doing in China.  Did he miss Exo-K?  Did he think about Baekhyun as often as Baekhyun thought about him?  He was seriously beginning to regret their fight.
"I just miss him," he said, a few days later.  Suho clapped him on the shoulder supportively, but shrugged.
"There's nothing any of us can do.  This arrangement is for six months."
Time marched on, agonizingly slow.
"What if he gets sick?  You know he doesn't take care of himself," Baekhyun said, out of the blue one day.  Luhan raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
"Chanyeol.  He gets into moods and he doesn't take care of himself."
Luhan shook his head and went back to his tablet.   "Kris will take care of him," he muttered distractedly.
Baekhyun glowered.  "And Tao," he snarled.  His tone drew Luhan's attention back to him.
"What are you even talking about?  Tao's with Kris.  Always has been."
One of his nightmares shattered into pieces.  "With... Kris?  But Chanyeol –"
Luhan leaned forward across the table and lowered his voice.  "Look, you didn't hear this from me.  But Tao had a pretty rough childhood, and Kris is his hero.  They were together before they joined Exo, and they're never going to separate.  But because Tao had it so rough, Kris kind of got into the habit of taking care of him.  Chanyeol is just one more lost child to Kris, and because Tao understands what it's like to be in a bad place, he's trying to help.  I don't know where you get these ideas," he added, and shook his head.
Baekhyun felt lost.  It was as though a part of him were missing, like he'd suddenly lost an arm or a leg.  It got so bad that Suho announced a team meeting one night, about a month into the separation.
"We're going to China!" he announced.  The members were excited and chattered happily about the upcoming visit.  Baekhyun sank deeper into his seat, but deep in his heart, he wanted to shout for joy.  He could see Chanyeol again.
Just to make sure he was okay.

They huddled around the door, whispering nervously.  They wanted to surprise the other half of their band, but now that they were here, no one knew what they should do.  Knock?  Just burst in?  What if they weren't home?
Baekhyun grew tired of the debate and knocked swiftly on the door.  Someone inside called out in Chinese, and then the door swung wide.  Chanyeol stood there, a pretty smile on his face.  Baekhyun's heart clenched inside his chest to see him so happy.  He hadn't seen an expression like that on the taller man since before everything went to hell on the cruise.
At least I know he's doing well, he told himself, and tried to make it sound positive.  He pasted a smile on his face, but it felt fake.  Chanyeol's face was frozen, so Baekhyun waved.  "Hello," he said, at a complete loss for words.  To his surprise, Chanyeol staggered back, then turned and bolted for the bedrooms.  Kris was behind him, and properly invited Exo-K into the dorm, welcoming them.
"We weren't expecting you guys to show up.  Is anything wrong?"
Suho shot a dark look at Baekhyun.  "He whined.  We had to come, just to shut him up."
Baekhyun flushed at the insinuation.  "It wasn't whining," he said, and winced when his voice came out in a whine.  The others laughed at him, however, and let it go.   The Korean half of Exo was welcomed warmly, and invited to join the movie, which was restarted – this time with subtitles.  Baekhyun was aware of Chanyeol on the periphery like he was aware of where his foot was – it was mostly subconscious, but he just knew.  He also knew when Chanyeol slipped out of the room and left the dorm, but no one else noticed, and he didn't want to call attention to it.
The next morning, Chanyeol was back home.  He moved slowly, and Baekhyun noticed that he avoided letting his back touch anything.  But he seemed happier.  It was a mystery, and Baekhyun confronted Kris over it later that day.
"Does Chanyeol ... go out, often?" he asked, uncomfortable.  Kris looked startled.
"No," he said.  "He asked... once, but then he dropped it, and hasn't said anything since."
Baekhyun didn't want to know how the Chinese leader knew what he was talking about.  It made him wonder if the others knew, too.  No one else said anything.

They were there for a week.  Chanyeol wasn't outright avoiding him, but Baekhyun still noticed that the other man never allowed himself to be in the same room as Baekhyun for too long.  Mostly he caught glimpses of Chanyeol as the rapper hovered on the periphery of the group, looking more like a ghost than an actual person.  And more often than he'd have liked, he saw Chanyeol doubled over, fumbling in his pockets for something.  Since he couldn't ask Chanyeol, he turned to the next best source:  Tao.
"What's wrong with Chanyeol?" he asked, on the fifth day they were there.  Tao shrugged.
"None of the doctors know," he said.  "He has trouble breathing, and uses an inhaler when he has an attack."
The news was worrisome.  Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol vanished three more times in the eight days they were there.  Each time, he came back moving slowly and occasionally a flash of pain appeared on his face.  The night before they were due to leave, Baekhyun followed Chanyeol on one of his outings.  He felt awkward telling the cab driver to 'follow the other cab' but with no clear-cut idea of where they were going, he had no other choice.  It turned out to be a club.
He waited outside for nearly half an hour, debating on whether or not to go in.  Finally, his sense of curiousity got the better of him.  Inside it was dark and almost dirty compared to the spotless establishment Sarang kept.  His nose wrinkled, and he couldn't see anything for a moment.  He glared at anyone who looked his way, and eventually they stopped eyeing him.
He found Chanyeol in the back of the club, but almost didn't recognise him.  He was – wearing a plaid, pleated mini-skirt, and a white collared shirt.  He was also trapped in a cage of sorts that held him on all-fours while the dom standing over him poked something in through the spaces.  Chanyeol yelped each time the stick made contact with his skin, flinching away.  He couldn't go far, however, because of the cage.
Assistants removed part of the cage, exposing Chanyeol's back and legs.  The dom produced a weird-looking glass globe that glowed purple when he turned it on.  He ran it lightly up Chanyeol's bare thighs and his expression twisted in dark pleasure as Chanyeol screamed.  One of the other doms wielded a club, with no art.  There was no pleasure in this – for Chanyeol.  Some of the watchers turned to each other, and some merely took care of themselves.  Disgusted – with himself, with Chanyeol, and with the whole Scene – Baekhyun left and flagged down another cab to take him back to the Chinese dorm.
The next morning, he noticed Chanyeol sitting down gingerly.  Deciding that since no one else was up, and Chanyeol didn't look like he'd be moving very fast, Baekhyun confronted him.  Chanyeol had a look like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.  It swiftly turned to depression, and then resignation.
"What do you want?" he asked in halting Korean.  Baekhyun wrinkled his nose again.
"What do you call that place you went last night?" And why can't you talk right anymore?
Chanyeol blanched.  "Necessary," he said.
"I call it disgusting," Baekhyun declared thoughtlessly, and then realised how it would be taken when Chanyeol flinched.  "Why the hell would you do that to yourself?  You can't even move when you come back."
Chanyeol eased himself up out of the chair, breathing shallowly and too fast.  "I have to," he said.  "Excuse me," he added, and fled.  Baekhyun found him in the hallway, doubled up over his inhaler.
"Now you're asthmatic?"
"no."
"Just tell me what's going on!"
"I need it," Chanyeol said, unhappiness in his voice.  "It takes me to a ... dark place, and it helps."
Baekhyun's heart hit his feet.  "What do you mean, a dark place?"
A gentle smile curved Chanyeol's lips for just a moment.  "It's like... the opposite of the white place I went in my head when... Sarang.  And you."  The smile faded.  "It's a good place for me."
One of the doors opened and Kris's head poked out into the hallway, glaring blearily.  "Who's yelling?" he grumped, and then blinked when he saw Baekhyun and Chanyeol apparently having a conversation.  "Keep it down, please," he said, in a much nicer tone of voice.  The door closed behind him.
The way Chanyeol spoke of it, it didn't sound healthy.  And he'd seen for himself that all Chanyeol was getting out of visits to that club was a beating.  "You need to come home," Baekhyun said, and was horrified to hear himself whine.
For the first time since Exo-K had shown up unexpectedly, Chanyeol's face took on a firm expression – firmly negative. He scowled.  "No," he said darkly, and worked himself up the wall to stand straight before vanishing into one of the rooms.  The room Kris had looked out of, Baekhyun realised, and then he heard the schnickt of the lock being turned.  He didn't see Chanyeol again before they left.

A month later, Exo-K returned to China.  Baekhyun looked immediately for Chanyeol, who was too thin, and too pale.  His back was nearly solid black with bruising, and it was visible even through the thin cotton shirt he wore.  Baekhyun quailed, wondering how Exo-M could let him keep going to that place when it was so clearly unhealthy.
He contrived a situation in which he could talk to Chanyeol alone.  He wanted more than anything to apologise for acting like an ass, and maybe convince Chanyeol to return to Korea.  He just missed him, missed his constant presence and his infectious smiles.  He could go back to being Chanyeol's sub, or his boyfriend, or even just his friend –anything Chanyeol wanted, if only he'd come back.
But his mouth ran ahead of his brain.  "Were you born stupid or did you just grow that way?" he demanded, as soon as they were alone.
Chanyeol glared at him, his expression full of barely-contained malice.  It was a frankly terrifying look, and one that Baekhyun never wanted to see directed at him again from anyone – especially Chanyeol.  "What the fuck do you care?  How is anything I choose to do or not do any of your business?"
"I'm making it my business before you kill yourself, you idiot!"
"I am not an idio-" Chanyeol broke off mid-shout and grabbed at his chest.  Baekhyun noticed him wheezing and struggling to breathe.
"Speaking of killing yourself!" Baekhyun said, but his voice was tinged with fear.  "What's going on?  Why is this happening?  What can I do?"
"Inhaler," Chanyeol gasped, his anger forgotten.  "In my room."
"Are you still in Kris's room?" Baekhyun asked, and even though he hated himself for it, he couldn't keep the jealousy from showing.
Chanyeol nodded.  "Just get it," he said, breath hitching as he tried to inhale.  Baekhyun ran for the bedrooms, threw open Kris's bedroom door, and saw two mattresses – one large one, one small.  Beside the large one was a picture of Tao and Kris with stuffed animals on their heads.  Next to the small was a table that contained Chanyeol's Claim – both of them, actually, and Baekhyun wasted precious moments to stop and stare as he realised Chanyeol had rescued and retained the bent "C" that he and Sarang had made him – and a little yellow inhaler.  He snatched the inhaler up off the bedside table and dashed from the room.  Chanyeol was pale, his eyes squinched shut.
"Here," Baekhyun said, and offered it.  Chanyeol took it and tried to use it, but his attack was too far along.  He couldn't inhale.  Afraid that Chanyeol was going to die right before his helpless eyes, Baekhyun began to panic.  "What can I do?"
"Doctor," Chanyeol said.  "Floor ten."
He lifted Chanyeol up bodily, flinching when the rapper let out a pained noise as his arm came into contact with the bruises still on his back.  It couldn't be helped, however.  The elevator seemed to take forever to arrive.  All of Exo was on it when the doors opened.  Kris took in the scene and immediately understood, sending the others fleeing back to the room with unanswered questions while he remained behind to help Baekhyun with Chanyeol.
"What happened?" he demanded.
"We had a fight," Baekhyun admitted, feeling horrible.  "He can't use the inhaler," he added, wringing his hands while Kris took most of Chanyeol's weight.  He looked surprised when he noticed how thin Chanyeol had become.  Baekhyun wanted to yell at him, too, for not realising sooner.  They made it to the doctor's office with little trouble, and the nurses got Chanyeol set up with the breathing treatment that ran through a mask hooked onto his face.  It would work automatically, they reassured the two singers, and he would recover within a few minutes with no ill effects.
The doctor appeared to check on him.  One of the nurses spoke Korean fluently enough to act as a translator, so Kris retreated, both to give them privacy, trusting that they wouldn't start fighting again, and to explain things to the rest of the group.
Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol's breathing evened out, and sighed heavily the first time his chest rose and fell normally.  He turned to the nurse.  "What's wrong with him?" he asked.  The nurse conferred with the doctor.
"Nothing as far as we can tell," she said.  "Doctor Yi seems to think it's..."  She looked at Chanyeol, who was beginning to rouse slightly, and then gestured for Baekhyun to step out of the room.  With the door closed between them and Chanyeol, she gave Baekhyun a pitying look.  "Dr. Yi says the only conclusion he can draw from the available evidence is that it's a broken heart, manifesting physical symptoms.  He's seen it before, usually in elderly people whose spouses have passed on recently."
Baekhyun blinked, trying to assimilate the information.  The doctor had diagnosed it as a broken heart?   But why, he asked himself, and then remembered when the problem had manifested.  He could see it in his mind as clearly as the day it had happened.  He was throwing Chanyeol's things out into the hallway of the cruise ship.  He threw the Claim down and stomped on it in a fit of anger.  It had become damaged beneath his shoe, but Chanyeol had still picked it up and saved it.
Baekhyun's own heart felt like it was breaking.  Chanyeol's problems were all his fault.  More than ever, he needed Chanyeol to come home, where the language was familiar, where all of his favourite shops were, where he belonged.
When they reentered the room, Chanyeol's colour was back to normal, and he was struggling into a sitting position.  Baekhyun scowled.  "You need to come home," he said bluntly.
"I am home," Chanyeol countered.  Baekhyun seemed to remember the words from before, and realised they'd had the exact same argument one night in SiyahSarang's.
"No, I mean home to Korea.  How often do you go?  Do you even care that you're bruised all to hell?"
The doctor took notice.  "Bruise," he said in heavily-accented Korean.  He switched to Chinese, and the nurse translated.  "Extensive bruising can be a sign of certain diseases," she said for him.  "Coupled with the chest pains and difficulty with breathing, I think it might be safest if he went to the emergency room to be checked out."
Chanyeol's lip curled.  "Those bruises are there because I want them there," he said, and then added something in Chinese that Baekhyun didn't understand at all.  The doctor argued some more, but eventually disconnected Chanyeol from the machine, and allowed him to leave.
Baekhyun picked up their fight where the doctor had interrupted after they climbed into the elevator.  "This isn't any kind of life for you," he said.  "You deserve so much better."
"Don't do this to me right now, Baekhyun," Chanyeol begged.  They lapsed into a brief silence during the ride, while Baekhyun organised his thoughts.  He needed Chanyeol to come back, for both their sakes.
"At least in Korea, you have people who care about you," he said.
Chanyeol shot him a narrow-eyed look.  "They care, here.  They care more here than anyone in Korea does."
"That's not true!  Kris is so wrapped up in himself that he can't even see that you're unhealthy, and Tao –"
Chanyeol turned on him.  "Don't even involve Tao in this!"
Baekhyun snarled.  "So was my first impression right?  Are you fucking Tao?  Is that why you had to come to China when we broke up?"
"You think I'm – with Tao?  God, what is wrong with you!?"  The elevator doors opened.  Chanyeol lunged through them before Baekhyun could stop him, and he remained just two steps ahead when they burst in through the doors.
"Kris," Chanyeol said, and then blurted something out in Chinese.  Chen, Tao, and Kris moved in front of him, blocking Baekhyun from reaching him.  Kris and Baekhyun stared each other down, and Baekhyun wondered if this was going to tear the whole group apart.  He wasn't willing to let it.  He conceded the fight first, and pretended not to notice when Chen and Tao ushered Chanyeol out of the room.  Kris came and sat next to him.
"Is there a reason you and Chanyeol can't be in the same room without arguing anymore?"
Baekhyun turned to him with tears glistening in his eyes.  "I think it's because I love him so much that I can't talk to him anymore.  It always just comes out wrong."
Kris's expression softened, and he gathered the singer into his arms.  It had been a long time since Baekhyun had been held for no other reason than comfort and companionship.  Although the body was the wrong shape, he took what he could from the embrace.